People Judging People
I've never realized how much people judge each other until tonight...tonight i was at a b-ball game and a gurl that i thought hated me complimented me it was really really weird. I guess i dont really know why i thought she hated me maybe because i'd never talked to her before. I think that if you dont know someone you can give vibes that you dont like them not intensionaly*. I wonder if i do this too? i dont think i do but you never know. In my school many people talk shit and lots of rumors are always ciculating... most of the time they arnt about myself but for some reason upper classmen still think i'm some slut bag! I hate it more then anything because these people that love to judge me dont realize that i'm acually a nice gurl and not slutty at all. Th thing is i dont know what to do about thi problem... should i just smile and wave so they have nothing to say bitchy back, or should i be like "fuck you you dont know me so stop looking at me you bitches"! lol i would never ever say the second one i'm way too much of a pussy... which i also wish i could change, sometimes i'm a bitch for no reason but then most of the time i let people walk all over me and dont stick up for myself. Today i had a extremly low day i think it was one of the lowest days i've EVER had just latley my whole life has just felt wrong... with family, boys, school, self confidence. And lately my prents divorce has realy been bothering me, well my parents got there divorce when i was only 6 years old and then i never could really feel emotion about it i was too young to understand, now that i'm older i think about it alot more and the more i think the more it bothers me i hate feeling that my dad cares more about my step-mom then me i mean i'm his fucking daughter and i see him like 2 weekends out of each month but if she doesnt see him one day she freaks out and throws a fit! I also dont understand how someone can be married for 23 years and all the sudden cheat,lie,and not care about the people that are most important in life. But then after i say things like this about my dad i feel guilty... i mean my dads a greatguy dont get me wrong and i love him with all my heart i just gt frustrated with the whole situation and how its taking a toll on my life. I also think that his is the reason i have soooo much trouble with my love life mean i've never had a "real" relationship which i want really bad! not saying that i should be in love in highschool because i dont want that either...love = someone getting their heart broken (i think i'll spare myself)i mean there was this one guy that i think i liked the most i've ever liked someone...well he stopped liking me and of course i still have some mad attachment that i wish i could get over but i cant. But i always think what if? what if we did go out and went out for awhile which of course would lead to sex and stuff which i know i'm not ready for...back aain to te sex topic i feel like i want t o out of curiosity but then i mean after you alway regret what happens because people always find out then i would be known as a bigger slut (then people already assume) which i dont want or need in my life. well i think i'm done for tonight even tho i could go on for hours more. XoXo...Brittany