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Aug 11, 2004 20:54



You Know You're From California When...

The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.

You were born somewhere else.

You know how to eat an artichoke.

The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.

Your car has bullet-proof windows.

Left is right and right is wrong.

Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.

You can't find your other earring because your son is wearing it.

You drive to your neighborhood block party.

Your family tree contains "significant others."

You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.

You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.

More than clothes come out of the closets.

You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.

More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.

Smoking in your office is not optional.

You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.

When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."

Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.

Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.

You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.

You consult your horoscope before planning your day.

A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.

All highways into the state say: "no fruits."

All highways out of the state say: "Go back."

The Terminator is your governor

You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?

It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.

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You Know You're From Texas When...

You see more Texan flags than American flags.

You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free.

You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry, and your Cowboy Boots.

You can write a check at Dairy Queen for 2 Hungr-Busters and fries.

You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.

You dress up to go shopping at the mall.

You've hung ornaments and tinsel on a tumbleweed and used it as a Christmas tree.

You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.

You know from experience that rattlesnake meat tastes like chicken.

You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.

You know what a 'Cowboy Cadillac' is.

You have both a dog and a brother-in-law named Bud

Your local grocery store sells cactus in the Fresh Produce department

You watch the movie Urban Cowboy and laugh at the phony Texan accents

You choose a brand of Mexican salsa with the same care that another might use to select a bottle of fine wine

You think that the 4 basic food groups are nachos, bar-b-que, fajitas, and Copenhagen.

You refer to the Dallas Cowboys as "God's favorite football team"

You know whether another Texan is from South, West, East, North, or Central Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

You don't consider people from Austin to be real Texans.

Your Pastor wears boots.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

The Blue Book value on your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Texas.

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