its all we've been given..so we better start livin right now..days go by
my heart is hurting sooo much right now. and i dont know what to do to fix it. i feel like an awful person..but at the same time i know i didnt do anything wrong. why do i always take things for granted?? why cant i just appreciate what i have?? i dont understand myself sometimes. i want sooo bad to be able to FULLY appreciate life..but i never will be able to. its just impossible to realize what you have until it's gone. and the thing is-i havent lost anything.
okay u all are probably wondering what the hell im talking about so ill say it but i know im gona start crying while i write..but i guess thats good-i need to let it out.
this kid-a kid who ive babysat for probaly 5 years now has a really really bad disease that he was diagnosed with less than 2 years ago. it is called dystonia-its a muscle disease..his older brother is the one who made the red love life bands. but anyways-every single time i babysit for him, he's worse-noticeably worse. when i first started babysitting for him years ago he was completely fine-absolutely normal. and now-i cant even look at him anymore. he has to hop when he walks..he cant hold playing cards in his hand..he has to eat a cookie every nite filled with chopped up medicine..in all the pictures he takes his head is cocked to the side..he cant eat normal-he has to like almost throw food in his mouth. it is the scariest and saddest thing ive ever seen. i babysat for him tontie and i litereally had to go to the bathroom 5 times so i wouldnt cry in front of him. i cant just sit there and watch this happen!! i wish there was something i could do...id do anything. it tears me up inside when im with him. i cant look at him without wanting to cry. because the thing is-he is HAPPY. he is happier than i probably am. he is always smiling and laughing and wanting to talk and play games-do all the things he is capable of doing. and he knows what is happening to his body..he knows he isnt getting better and he knows that eventually he is not going to be able to walk at all. but hes STILL a happy kid. he is still one of the happiest kids ive ever seen. hes adorable-such an absoluetely amazing person. i respect him soo much. like honestly, he is my hero-my role model. i just cant stop thinking about how unfair it is!! why does this have to happen to such a poor, innocent child? why cant it happen to me???? id rather have it happen to me..
and because it ISNT happening to me, shouldnt i feel soooo lucky..so blessed to be alive?? shouldnt i enjoy EVERY moment and be grateful for what i have?. of course i should. but why am i not? why do i still sweat the small stuff??...i still worry about little things..im still upset when even the smallest thing gets in my way or something doesnt go right. why am i like this????!!! i REALIZE that im blessed...and i have so much going for me. im SO lucky. i wana live every day to its fullest..because tomorrow isnt guaranteed. but as hard as i try-i still strive for perfection. if something doesnt go exactly my way..i get so upset-i wish i could be a better person.
he is getting surgery friday...so PLEASE keep him in your prayers. and please live every day like its ur last... life has blessed us all with so many things-dont take those things for granted. thanks
okay u all are probably wondering what the hell im talking about so ill say it but i know im gona start crying while i write..but i guess thats good-i need to let it out.
this kid-a kid who ive babysat for probaly 5 years now has a really really bad disease that he was diagnosed with less than 2 years ago. it is called dystonia-its a muscle disease..his older brother is the one who made the red love life bands. but anyways-every single time i babysit for him, he's worse-noticeably worse. when i first started babysitting for him years ago he was completely fine-absolutely normal. and now-i cant even look at him anymore. he has to hop when he walks..he cant hold playing cards in his hand..he has to eat a cookie every nite filled with chopped up medicine..in all the pictures he takes his head is cocked to the side..he cant eat normal-he has to like almost throw food in his mouth. it is the scariest and saddest thing ive ever seen. i babysat for him tontie and i litereally had to go to the bathroom 5 times so i wouldnt cry in front of him. i cant just sit there and watch this happen!! i wish there was something i could do...id do anything. it tears me up inside when im with him. i cant look at him without wanting to cry. because the thing is-he is HAPPY. he is happier than i probably am. he is always smiling and laughing and wanting to talk and play games-do all the things he is capable of doing. and he knows what is happening to his body..he knows he isnt getting better and he knows that eventually he is not going to be able to walk at all. but hes STILL a happy kid. he is still one of the happiest kids ive ever seen. hes adorable-such an absoluetely amazing person. i respect him soo much. like honestly, he is my hero-my role model. i just cant stop thinking about how unfair it is!! why does this have to happen to such a poor, innocent child? why cant it happen to me???? id rather have it happen to me..
and because it ISNT happening to me, shouldnt i feel soooo lucky..so blessed to be alive?? shouldnt i enjoy EVERY moment and be grateful for what i have?. of course i should. but why am i not? why do i still sweat the small stuff??...i still worry about little things..im still upset when even the smallest thing gets in my way or something doesnt go right. why am i like this????!!! i REALIZE that im blessed...and i have so much going for me. im SO lucky. i wana live every day to its fullest..because tomorrow isnt guaranteed. but as hard as i try-i still strive for perfection. if something doesnt go exactly my way..i get so upset-i wish i could be a better person.
he is getting surgery friday...so PLEASE keep him in your prayers. and please live every day like its ur last... life has blessed us all with so many things-dont take those things for granted. thanks