i don't believe in magic anymore
tonight on the way home from nick and amberly's the first song that came on the radio was "Its Gettin' Better All the Time" by Brooks and Dunn. The second one was "She Thinks She Needs Me" by Andy Griggs. Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidences. I really truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Like tonight for example...tonight I went to Nick and Amberly's party. Mostly I went for David...he wanted me to meet all of his friends...well actually I really wanted to meet them, too. Anyways...so it was actually really fun. At first I was really nervous because I knew I wasn't gonna know anyone and I thought it would be awkward and everything...but they were all super cool. None of them were what I expected, except maybe Heather and I must say she was completly adorable. I have to say though that my favorite new person was probably Rachel. She was hillarious. And I still really like Emily.
Anyways on to a different subject... Jason was there tonight, and to tell you the truth, I didn't really know what to think. In some ways I'm really glad he was there. It proved to me that after much fighting and pain, that I'm finally over him. A couple of days ago he broke up with Sylvia, the one he was engaged to. I overheard him talking to someone about it and basically this is what he said "I'm don't really care that much but she's completly devastated." I just kind of sat there for a minute and took that in. That's what he was saying about me just a couple months before. I guess no matter how much I wanted to believe and how hard he tried to convince me, the truth still remains that some men will never ever change. And unfortanetly, I don't think he ever will. I pray that he does, but it's hard to actually believe that it will happen. I told David I wanted to go up to Cracker Barrell and talk to her. I feel so bad for her. At first, I hated her, but it was just jealousy and now I would love to be the one telling her that it's all going to be okay because tonight I finally realized that it is. It's all okay. I don't need him. I don't even want him and part of me makes me wonder why I ever did. He's not at all attractive to me anymore. He's actually almost disgusting. Well I wouldn't go that far. But let's just say whenever you fall out of love with someone you see who they are a lot more clearly than you did when you were in the relationship. And in the words of Dashboard...Now that I can see you, I don't think you're worth a second glance. And I guess in all honesty I will never stop loving him. I don't see how I ever could. But there's something about him... I don't know I just have this really weird feeling...I'm over him, but I feel like its not over yknow? I feel like there's still something left, almost something we still have to learn from each other or something we have to help each other with. No matter how hard we want to fight it, for some reason or another we were meant to be a part of each others lives for longer than 3 months. And I guess tonight seeing him again just confirmed that feeling. And the worst part is not knowing. I'm just anxious to see what happens. I just feel really weird, really really weird. Its gonna be really soon.
okay on to other more exciting news...Pepperdine sends out the letter in a week. I'm anxious to find out but at the same time I'm not. I don't want them to say no but I'm trying to convince myself that they will just to not get my hopes up. So a decision about school should be made very very soon...
Jobs...here's the deal...I have a few options right now...well I hope at least...Stride Rite ends this weekend...kind of...Basically just all my hours are getting cut and I'm going to be kind of a sub. I had a interview yesterday at Shaggy Bag which I think went really well. Its still not a lot of money but I get to sit for a long period of time doing nothing. Then Fast Forward called today and wants me to come in and interview. Tomorrow morning David is picking me up to go apply for a job at his work. Now this is the job I really really want. I'm not going to put the info up about it because that will probably jinx it and I won't get it. So just pray for all of that and that the right opportunity opens up.
I guess I feel like there's so much going on, but its not really. I dunno...we'll see. I have a feeling the next few days are going to be quite interesting and hopefully prove for many more updates. Anyways...goodnight kiddos.
Smile
by Lonestar
I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
But your love for me was like a summer breeze
Oh, it lasted for a while
I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go.
So, I'm gonna smile, 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile.
Kiss me once for the good times, baby
Kiss me twice for goodbye
You can't help how you don't feel
And it doesn't matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
'Cause that's how I want you to remember me.
I'm gonna smile, 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile.
I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile...
Anyways on to a different subject... Jason was there tonight, and to tell you the truth, I didn't really know what to think. In some ways I'm really glad he was there. It proved to me that after much fighting and pain, that I'm finally over him. A couple of days ago he broke up with Sylvia, the one he was engaged to. I overheard him talking to someone about it and basically this is what he said "I'm don't really care that much but she's completly devastated." I just kind of sat there for a minute and took that in. That's what he was saying about me just a couple months before. I guess no matter how much I wanted to believe and how hard he tried to convince me, the truth still remains that some men will never ever change. And unfortanetly, I don't think he ever will. I pray that he does, but it's hard to actually believe that it will happen. I told David I wanted to go up to Cracker Barrell and talk to her. I feel so bad for her. At first, I hated her, but it was just jealousy and now I would love to be the one telling her that it's all going to be okay because tonight I finally realized that it is. It's all okay. I don't need him. I don't even want him and part of me makes me wonder why I ever did. He's not at all attractive to me anymore. He's actually almost disgusting. Well I wouldn't go that far. But let's just say whenever you fall out of love with someone you see who they are a lot more clearly than you did when you were in the relationship. And in the words of Dashboard...Now that I can see you, I don't think you're worth a second glance. And I guess in all honesty I will never stop loving him. I don't see how I ever could. But there's something about him... I don't know I just have this really weird feeling...I'm over him, but I feel like its not over yknow? I feel like there's still something left, almost something we still have to learn from each other or something we have to help each other with. No matter how hard we want to fight it, for some reason or another we were meant to be a part of each others lives for longer than 3 months. And I guess tonight seeing him again just confirmed that feeling. And the worst part is not knowing. I'm just anxious to see what happens. I just feel really weird, really really weird. Its gonna be really soon.
okay on to other more exciting news...Pepperdine sends out the letter in a week. I'm anxious to find out but at the same time I'm not. I don't want them to say no but I'm trying to convince myself that they will just to not get my hopes up. So a decision about school should be made very very soon...
Jobs...here's the deal...I have a few options right now...well I hope at least...Stride Rite ends this weekend...kind of...Basically just all my hours are getting cut and I'm going to be kind of a sub. I had a interview yesterday at Shaggy Bag which I think went really well. Its still not a lot of money but I get to sit for a long period of time doing nothing. Then Fast Forward called today and wants me to come in and interview. Tomorrow morning David is picking me up to go apply for a job at his work. Now this is the job I really really want. I'm not going to put the info up about it because that will probably jinx it and I won't get it. So just pray for all of that and that the right opportunity opens up.
I guess I feel like there's so much going on, but its not really. I dunno...we'll see. I have a feeling the next few days are going to be quite interesting and hopefully prove for many more updates. Anyways...goodnight kiddos.
Smile
by Lonestar
I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
But your love for me was like a summer breeze
Oh, it lasted for a while
I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go.
So, I'm gonna smile, 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile.
Kiss me once for the good times, baby
Kiss me twice for goodbye
You can't help how you don't feel
And it doesn't matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
'Cause that's how I want you to remember me.
I'm gonna smile, 'cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile.
I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile...