(no subject)
Okay, so I finally found a decent set of silent football rules. I stole this off of http://www.toddp.com/article.php?story=20040218114753625 but deleted stuff that wasn't part of our rules at CTY, and added stuff that was different, or jsut that I felt like adding.I had the stuff I added italisised, but I don't know how to do italics in LJ. So I won't try.
Requirements:
Two or more players, and enough space so that the group can sit in a circle, allowing each player to see each other player. Realistically, Silent Football should have at least 5 players.
Objective:
Each player's objective in the game is to not lose. One loses by being the first to accumulate five penance points. (Penance point distribution is discussed below.)
Game Play:
All players are arranged in a circle. One player is the Dictator. The Dictator will basically run the game and will probably do most of the talking. The Dictator can do anything s/he wants, including making up new rules, or changing the names of players to make things more entertaining.
Once everyone is arranged, the Dictator should explain the rules of the game.
The game is played until a loser is declared, or until the game falls apart into fits of giggles, or fades into sleep. If a loser is declared, the remaining players think of a penance for that player. Something silly or embarassing, as appropriate for the person and situation.
THE RULES:
Rules - The Circle:
The Sacred Circle is the universe. Players therefore may not notice, watch, react to, or otherwise interact with non-existant entities that do not exist within the game. Interacting with non-existant entities is a form of hallucination, and any hallucinating player may be awarded penance points and advised to seek medical attention after the conclusion of the universe.
If, however, the game is adversely affected by non-existant entities, the Dictator may declare a Holy Jihad, resulting in about half of the universe leaping out of its respective seats and chasing the now-existing entities down the hall, or dogpiling them in the middle of the universe, simulating for these entities the conditions near the surface of Jupiter.
Rules - Motion of the Football:
The Sacred Silent Football exists only in the minds of the players. Starting with the Dictator, the football is moved from player to player with a series of hand motions.
During motion of the football, the dictator is treated as any other player. Everyone is silent(!) and respectful, for this is a game of highest dignity and valor.
There are two offensive moves. They are the Fwap and the Zoom. These moves send the football from a player to another player in the circle.
There are two defensive moves: the Shrug and the Shrodem. These moves refuse the football that has been Fwapped or Zoomed to a player.
No move may be used more than two times in a row. And the defensive moves may -*! NEVER !*- be used against one another.
Just recite the following:
You can Zoom a Zoom, but you can't Zoom a Zoomed Zoom. You can Fwap a Fwap, but you can't Fwap a Fwapped Fwap. You can Shrug a Shrug, but you can't Shrug a Shrugged Shrug. You can Shrodem a Shrodem, but you can't Shrodem a Shrodemmed Shrodem. And you may never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever Shrug a Shrodem nor Shrodem a Shrug!!
The Zoom:
The first offensive move is The Zoom. It is performed by extending one's right arm and right fist toward another player, and making eye contact with that player. One may not refuse a Zoom by avoiding eye contact with the Zooming player.
A player correctly accused of Zooming a Zoomed Zoom will likely receive one half of one penance point and have to do a booty dance in the middle of the circle and sing “zoom zoom zoom with a boom boom” to whatever tune said player decides upon.
The Fwap:
The other offensive move is the Fwap.
The Fwap is performed by striking/clapping one's right hand upon one's right leg, or by striking one's left hand upon one's left leg, or a careful combination of striking one's right hand upon one's right leg and one's left hand upon one's left leg.
Cross-fwapping (striking one’s right hand on one’s left leg, or one’s left hand on one’s right leg) is silly and does not exist within the universe unless the dictator creates a rule enabling such silly behaviour.
Fwapping is fwapping and should never be confused with fapping, as fapping is something to be done in private and certainly not within the universe.
Limits on Fwaps:
A player may fwap upon his/her legs in any combination imaginable so long as the following rules of fwappage are followed:
A player may only fwap his/her left hand on his/her left leg, or his/her right hand on his/her right leg.
The football may never be Fwapped more than three spaces away from the player doing the fwapping.
A player may not Fwap the football to him/herself, nor past him/herself. (i.e. Right-Left is illegal. Left-Right-Right is also illegal.) (Moving the football to or past one's self is called a Cold Rush of Air.)
If a player has received the football via a Fwap, that player may not reverse the net direction of the fwappage. Such an error is called Reversing the Direction of the Fwap. Any other move nullifies the direction of the Fwap, so the next player may Fwap in either direction s/he so chooses.
Excessive Fwappage that confuses players (especially the Dictator!), may be punishable by penance points.
The Shrug:
The first defensive move is the Shrug. It's performed simply by shrugging one's own shoulders. The Shrug refuses the football that was Fwapped or Zoomed to the player.
Remember, a Shrug must *NEVER* be used in response to a Shrodem!
The Shrodem:
The other defensive move is much more elegant than the Shrug and should only be performed in a most dignified manner by the most dignified of players. Also, it has a funny name: The Shrodem. A Shrodem is performed by placing one's right fist or fingers near one's forehead, while placing one's left fingers on one's right elbow.
Performing a Shrodem with one’s left hand against one’s head is silly and does not exist in the universe any more than cross-fwappage. It cannot be used without penalty unless the dictator enables said silliness.
A Shrodem must NEVER be used against a Shrug!
Repeat:
A player must NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER SHRUG A SHRODEM NOR SHRODEM A SHRUG, for this is The Most Heinous crime in the entire game of Silent Football.
Rules - Discussion:
If a player happens to make an error during motion of the Sacred Silent Football, or speaks out of turn, hallucinates some non-existant entity, or otherwise violates any rule contrary to the fine upstanding values of Silent Football, another player may attempt to tattle upon that player. To tattle, a player must raise his or her own hand, and silently wait to be acknowledged by the Dictator. Waving one’s hand and grunting is allowed, but may result in having one’s name changed to “I sound like an angry foreign man” or “orgasmic hand raising” or something of the sort.
Let's say, for example, Kittens and Q-tips felt inspired to ignore the football, and instead suck on his big toe.
An example tattle may go like this: (this example assumes that a previous rule banning toe suckage was made, or that a rule banning unnecessary movement was made)
[The Penalizer raises her hand.]
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer?" [At this point, the motion of the football immediately stops. All attention is given to the discussion.]
The Penalizer: "Mr. Dictator, Kittens and Q-tips has put Kittens and Q-tips’ big toe into Kittens and Q-tips’ mouth."
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer is correct. Kittens and Q-tips receives one half of one penance point for putting Kittens and Q-tips ‘toe into Kittens and Q-tips’ mouth. Kittens and Q-tips is asked to keep all of Kittens and Q-tips’ toes carefully aligned on the ground."
The preceding dialogue includes two important rules of discussion:
When acknowledged by the dictator, the first thing out of a player's mouth must be "Mr.. Dictator.
When speaking, no player may use pronouns such as "he" "she" "it" "they" "we" "us" "you" "him" "her" "hers" "his" etcetera, except for first person singular pronouns, "I" "me" "my" "myself" and "mine," and words which are not always pronouns, such as the demonstrative pronouns "this" "that" and "those."
See the second example tattle:
[The Penalizer raises her hand.]
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer?" [The motion of the football immediately stops.]
The Penalizer: "Mr. Dictator," The Penalizer addresses the Dictator first, as required, "Kittens and Q-tips has put Kittens and Q-tips’ big toe into her mouth like this, quote" [The Penalizer mimicks Kittens and Q-tips by temporarily putting her big toe into her mouth.] "Instead of passing the football."
[Several other hands have just gone up, for The Penalizer has made two errors.]
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer is correct; Kittens and Q-tips gets one half of one penance point for illegal toe suckage."
[Mr. Dictator now calls upon someone else who has raised his hand.] "Grammar’s Advocate?"
Grammar’s Advocate: "Mr. Dictator, The Penalizer has just uttered the heinous and vile pronoun quote his end quote."
Mr. Dictator: " Grammar’s Advocate is correct. The Penalizer receives a half penance point for uttering quote her end quote."
[Mr. Dictator calls upon someone else whose hand is raised.] "Pinky McBluePants?"
Pinky McBluePants: "(ahem) Mister Dictator, sir," "as entertaining as The Penalizer may have been with The Penalizer’s comical and may I repeat entertaining review of Kittens and Q-tips’ podiatric consumption, I must inform Mister Dictator that The Penalizer has willfully and egregiously neglected to utter the simple yet absolutely critical word quote unquote unquote after The Penalizer’s performance."
Mr. Dictator: “Pinky McBluePants is correct and The Penalizer receives one half of one penance point for not unquoting The Penalizer’s toe suckage."
In the example above, we see more rules of discussion:
A pronoun may be legally spoken only if quoting another player, and by speaking the word "quote" before it. This absolves the speaker of committing the same crime of having uttered the pronoun. The word "unquote" must be uttered after the pronoun.
If a player quotes a phrase or an illegal action, the phrase or illegal action must also prefixed by the word "quote" and postfixed by the word "unquote."
Making "bunny ears" to quote is unnecessary. One does not need to use one's hands to speak, especially during utterance of the words "quote" and "unquote." Any player who makes bunny ears is doing nothing to shield themselves from any penance points they may acquire by performing the illegal move, and all they do is show that they like bunny rabbits. If a player uses bunny ears in addition to “quote” and “unquote” they are awarded no penance points, but players are encouraged to raise their hands simply to point out that said player likes bunny rabbits, and Mr. Dictator may change said player’s name to “I like bunny rabbits” just to give said player a hard time.
Rules - Names:
Before starting the game, players in the circle may choose their own name. (Sometimes I give negative penance points to players who use their own name, or the same funny name they've used for ages.)
Players are encouraged to use this rule creatively; the results can be quite entertaining!
If a player forgets the name of another player they may specify the player by how many places to the left or right they are sitting from the dictator.
Rules - Etcetera:
The Dictator can change the names of players, or arbitrarily make players do (or not do) different things. [Like when I forbade Ryan from doing his terrible attempt at a Hindi accent, and required him to do a different accent each time he spoke. And the time I made Kris Scott play guitar and sing each time he tattled. And the time Madame Dictator Mimi La Valley made a player lie on his stomach during the motion and discussion.]
Beverages and snacks do exist in the universe. This helps keep games going for hours. Anything being consumed within the universe exists within the universe, and anything which is not consumed is a hallucination. If a player picks up an object within the universe and is tattled on, said player may be given the choice to eat said object or to be awarded a penance point. This has lead to interesting rules about grass.
If a game of Blammo is being played outside the universe in which players inside the universe are participating, those players may hold their spoons during the game without penalty.
If a hallucination steals one’s shoes, cameras, or other valuables during play, one may raise one’s hand and request permission to chase said hallucination to regain said shoes/cameras/other valuables. Evil Dictators may say no, but in general, Dictators understand, and allow fetching of players objects.
Any player being viciously poked by a hallucination is allowed to squeal, but may not turn or look at the hallucination. This player may be advised not to take hallucinatory drugs, but cannot be awarded penance points.
- - - - That's it. Above describes a full set of rules for Silent Football.
I changed the names in the examples to names used in various games of Silent Football at CTY Lan session 2, 2005. Pinky McBluepants was Shea, Kittens and Q-tips was Laney, Grammar's Advocate was Marley, and I was the Penalizer [insert giggle here].
Requirements:
Two or more players, and enough space so that the group can sit in a circle, allowing each player to see each other player. Realistically, Silent Football should have at least 5 players.
Objective:
Each player's objective in the game is to not lose. One loses by being the first to accumulate five penance points. (Penance point distribution is discussed below.)
Game Play:
All players are arranged in a circle. One player is the Dictator. The Dictator will basically run the game and will probably do most of the talking. The Dictator can do anything s/he wants, including making up new rules, or changing the names of players to make things more entertaining.
Once everyone is arranged, the Dictator should explain the rules of the game.
The game is played until a loser is declared, or until the game falls apart into fits of giggles, or fades into sleep. If a loser is declared, the remaining players think of a penance for that player. Something silly or embarassing, as appropriate for the person and situation.
THE RULES:
Rules - The Circle:
The Sacred Circle is the universe. Players therefore may not notice, watch, react to, or otherwise interact with non-existant entities that do not exist within the game. Interacting with non-existant entities is a form of hallucination, and any hallucinating player may be awarded penance points and advised to seek medical attention after the conclusion of the universe.
If, however, the game is adversely affected by non-existant entities, the Dictator may declare a Holy Jihad, resulting in about half of the universe leaping out of its respective seats and chasing the now-existing entities down the hall, or dogpiling them in the middle of the universe, simulating for these entities the conditions near the surface of Jupiter.
Rules - Motion of the Football:
The Sacred Silent Football exists only in the minds of the players. Starting with the Dictator, the football is moved from player to player with a series of hand motions.
During motion of the football, the dictator is treated as any other player. Everyone is silent(!) and respectful, for this is a game of highest dignity and valor.
There are two offensive moves. They are the Fwap and the Zoom. These moves send the football from a player to another player in the circle.
There are two defensive moves: the Shrug and the Shrodem. These moves refuse the football that has been Fwapped or Zoomed to a player.
No move may be used more than two times in a row. And the defensive moves may -*! NEVER !*- be used against one another.
Just recite the following:
You can Zoom a Zoom, but you can't Zoom a Zoomed Zoom. You can Fwap a Fwap, but you can't Fwap a Fwapped Fwap. You can Shrug a Shrug, but you can't Shrug a Shrugged Shrug. You can Shrodem a Shrodem, but you can't Shrodem a Shrodemmed Shrodem. And you may never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever Shrug a Shrodem nor Shrodem a Shrug!!
The Zoom:
The first offensive move is The Zoom. It is performed by extending one's right arm and right fist toward another player, and making eye contact with that player. One may not refuse a Zoom by avoiding eye contact with the Zooming player.
A player correctly accused of Zooming a Zoomed Zoom will likely receive one half of one penance point and have to do a booty dance in the middle of the circle and sing “zoom zoom zoom with a boom boom” to whatever tune said player decides upon.
The Fwap:
The other offensive move is the Fwap.
The Fwap is performed by striking/clapping one's right hand upon one's right leg, or by striking one's left hand upon one's left leg, or a careful combination of striking one's right hand upon one's right leg and one's left hand upon one's left leg.
Cross-fwapping (striking one’s right hand on one’s left leg, or one’s left hand on one’s right leg) is silly and does not exist within the universe unless the dictator creates a rule enabling such silly behaviour.
Fwapping is fwapping and should never be confused with fapping, as fapping is something to be done in private and certainly not within the universe.
Limits on Fwaps:
A player may fwap upon his/her legs in any combination imaginable so long as the following rules of fwappage are followed:
A player may only fwap his/her left hand on his/her left leg, or his/her right hand on his/her right leg.
The football may never be Fwapped more than three spaces away from the player doing the fwapping.
A player may not Fwap the football to him/herself, nor past him/herself. (i.e. Right-Left is illegal. Left-Right-Right is also illegal.) (Moving the football to or past one's self is called a Cold Rush of Air.)
If a player has received the football via a Fwap, that player may not reverse the net direction of the fwappage. Such an error is called Reversing the Direction of the Fwap. Any other move nullifies the direction of the Fwap, so the next player may Fwap in either direction s/he so chooses.
Excessive Fwappage that confuses players (especially the Dictator!), may be punishable by penance points.
The Shrug:
The first defensive move is the Shrug. It's performed simply by shrugging one's own shoulders. The Shrug refuses the football that was Fwapped or Zoomed to the player.
Remember, a Shrug must *NEVER* be used in response to a Shrodem!
The Shrodem:
The other defensive move is much more elegant than the Shrug and should only be performed in a most dignified manner by the most dignified of players. Also, it has a funny name: The Shrodem. A Shrodem is performed by placing one's right fist or fingers near one's forehead, while placing one's left fingers on one's right elbow.
Performing a Shrodem with one’s left hand against one’s head is silly and does not exist in the universe any more than cross-fwappage. It cannot be used without penalty unless the dictator enables said silliness.
A Shrodem must NEVER be used against a Shrug!
Repeat:
A player must NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, NEVER EVER NEVER EVER NEVER SHRUG A SHRODEM NOR SHRODEM A SHRUG, for this is The Most Heinous crime in the entire game of Silent Football.
Rules - Discussion:
If a player happens to make an error during motion of the Sacred Silent Football, or speaks out of turn, hallucinates some non-existant entity, or otherwise violates any rule contrary to the fine upstanding values of Silent Football, another player may attempt to tattle upon that player. To tattle, a player must raise his or her own hand, and silently wait to be acknowledged by the Dictator. Waving one’s hand and grunting is allowed, but may result in having one’s name changed to “I sound like an angry foreign man” or “orgasmic hand raising” or something of the sort.
Let's say, for example, Kittens and Q-tips felt inspired to ignore the football, and instead suck on his big toe.
An example tattle may go like this: (this example assumes that a previous rule banning toe suckage was made, or that a rule banning unnecessary movement was made)
[The Penalizer raises her hand.]
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer?" [At this point, the motion of the football immediately stops. All attention is given to the discussion.]
The Penalizer: "Mr. Dictator, Kittens and Q-tips has put Kittens and Q-tips’ big toe into Kittens and Q-tips’ mouth."
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer is correct. Kittens and Q-tips receives one half of one penance point for putting Kittens and Q-tips ‘toe into Kittens and Q-tips’ mouth. Kittens and Q-tips is asked to keep all of Kittens and Q-tips’ toes carefully aligned on the ground."
The preceding dialogue includes two important rules of discussion:
When acknowledged by the dictator, the first thing out of a player's mouth must be "Mr.. Dictator.
When speaking, no player may use pronouns such as "he" "she" "it" "they" "we" "us" "you" "him" "her" "hers" "his" etcetera, except for first person singular pronouns, "I" "me" "my" "myself" and "mine," and words which are not always pronouns, such as the demonstrative pronouns "this" "that" and "those."
See the second example tattle:
[The Penalizer raises her hand.]
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer?" [The motion of the football immediately stops.]
The Penalizer: "Mr. Dictator," The Penalizer addresses the Dictator first, as required, "Kittens and Q-tips has put Kittens and Q-tips’ big toe into her mouth like this, quote" [The Penalizer mimicks Kittens and Q-tips by temporarily putting her big toe into her mouth.] "Instead of passing the football."
[Several other hands have just gone up, for The Penalizer has made two errors.]
Mr. Dictator: "The Penalizer is correct; Kittens and Q-tips gets one half of one penance point for illegal toe suckage."
[Mr. Dictator now calls upon someone else who has raised his hand.] "Grammar’s Advocate?"
Grammar’s Advocate: "Mr. Dictator, The Penalizer has just uttered the heinous and vile pronoun quote his end quote."
Mr. Dictator: " Grammar’s Advocate is correct. The Penalizer receives a half penance point for uttering quote her end quote."
[Mr. Dictator calls upon someone else whose hand is raised.] "Pinky McBluePants?"
Pinky McBluePants: "(ahem) Mister Dictator, sir," "as entertaining as The Penalizer may have been with The Penalizer’s comical and may I repeat entertaining review of Kittens and Q-tips’ podiatric consumption, I must inform Mister Dictator that The Penalizer has willfully and egregiously neglected to utter the simple yet absolutely critical word quote unquote unquote after The Penalizer’s performance."
Mr. Dictator: “Pinky McBluePants is correct and The Penalizer receives one half of one penance point for not unquoting The Penalizer’s toe suckage."
In the example above, we see more rules of discussion:
A pronoun may be legally spoken only if quoting another player, and by speaking the word "quote" before it. This absolves the speaker of committing the same crime of having uttered the pronoun. The word "unquote" must be uttered after the pronoun.
If a player quotes a phrase or an illegal action, the phrase or illegal action must also prefixed by the word "quote" and postfixed by the word "unquote."
Making "bunny ears" to quote is unnecessary. One does not need to use one's hands to speak, especially during utterance of the words "quote" and "unquote." Any player who makes bunny ears is doing nothing to shield themselves from any penance points they may acquire by performing the illegal move, and all they do is show that they like bunny rabbits. If a player uses bunny ears in addition to “quote” and “unquote” they are awarded no penance points, but players are encouraged to raise their hands simply to point out that said player likes bunny rabbits, and Mr. Dictator may change said player’s name to “I like bunny rabbits” just to give said player a hard time.
Rules - Names:
Before starting the game, players in the circle may choose their own name. (Sometimes I give negative penance points to players who use their own name, or the same funny name they've used for ages.)
Players are encouraged to use this rule creatively; the results can be quite entertaining!
If a player forgets the name of another player they may specify the player by how many places to the left or right they are sitting from the dictator.
Rules - Etcetera:
The Dictator can change the names of players, or arbitrarily make players do (or not do) different things. [Like when I forbade Ryan from doing his terrible attempt at a Hindi accent, and required him to do a different accent each time he spoke. And the time I made Kris Scott play guitar and sing each time he tattled. And the time Madame Dictator Mimi La Valley made a player lie on his stomach during the motion and discussion.]
Beverages and snacks do exist in the universe. This helps keep games going for hours. Anything being consumed within the universe exists within the universe, and anything which is not consumed is a hallucination. If a player picks up an object within the universe and is tattled on, said player may be given the choice to eat said object or to be awarded a penance point. This has lead to interesting rules about grass.
If a game of Blammo is being played outside the universe in which players inside the universe are participating, those players may hold their spoons during the game without penalty.
If a hallucination steals one’s shoes, cameras, or other valuables during play, one may raise one’s hand and request permission to chase said hallucination to regain said shoes/cameras/other valuables. Evil Dictators may say no, but in general, Dictators understand, and allow fetching of players objects.
Any player being viciously poked by a hallucination is allowed to squeal, but may not turn or look at the hallucination. This player may be advised not to take hallucinatory drugs, but cannot be awarded penance points.
- - - - That's it. Above describes a full set of rules for Silent Football.
I changed the names in the examples to names used in various games of Silent Football at CTY Lan session 2, 2005. Pinky McBluepants was Shea, Kittens and Q-tips was Laney, Grammar's Advocate was Marley, and I was the Penalizer [insert giggle here].