High School, JoA, and Other Stuff...
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Hope
I was-I am-just a kid.
I was nine when we became friends, I was twelve when we started going out, I was thirteen when I fell in love with him and I was thirteen when he broke my heart. But as I turned fourteen, things got really bad.
I was really depressed everyday, although I didn't show it. My "friends" didn't notice something was wrong, but they were also part of the problem. And my family didn't care; they were having enough problems of their own.
But when I did tell my parents what I was going through, it took almost three months to convince them I needed help. In May 2005, my parents took me to a therapist. At first, it didn't help because I wasn't willing to open up.
By then, I was having suicidal thoughts several times a day, but because I was supposedly "the perfect kid", I never let anyone know. I told my parents, but they didn't listen. All they did was pull me out of therapy.
I started cutting, just to release the pain. It was only a few times a week, but as the end of the school year got more and more stressful, that turned to a couple times a day. No one ever knew. I was too scared to say anything.
But eventually, everything seemed okay. I had three friends I could cont on again. My family was back to normal, or as normal as they ever were. And I didn't want to kill myself. Sure, when I had some extra emotion, I still cut. But I was all right. I was getting by.
As summer went by, I became depressed again. By a few weeks before school, I was cutting all the time. Things had become too much to handle. I convinced my parents to let me go back to therapy. This time, I opened up. I told him things I should have before. And now, I'm really doing okay. I regret all that I've done this past year- to myself, but mostly, to my friends.
I told people what happened to me, and they understood. A lot of people said they'd been through it too.
Suicide is not the answer because you're not only hurting yourself, you're hurting the people who love you too. It's not always easy to get over the suicidal thoughts, but it doesn't happen overnight. Hope, and you can get through this.
Umm...high school is okay, I guess. Let's see, in Geometry, Sarah's in my class. Yearbook, Paige!! Spanish, no one. :[
Lunch, Dani, Lisa, Sarah, Alex. Band, Sarah, Alex, Alona, Kellie. English, Sarah, Alex(but I don't sit near her) and Cassie. :] Chem/Phys, Cassie. And that's about it. Oh well, I'll make new friends.
So the thing in italics is what I wrote for some contest that my therapist entered me in...Tell me what ya think of it!! Dani's already read it though.
Comments make me happy!!! :]
♥ Jennifer