damn long time no type
so my last entires were before i moved up north for the summer. 5 months with no update... dayum. Now its november, and next week i will be flying home for thanksgiving. Im working at fredericks of hollywood and enjoying it for the most part. i love my discount, and i hope i can keep this job throughout the year. As much as i dont like it at times i need to learn to stick to it like i always told others. i need to learn to not give up so easily. if things were always easy i would never grow and learn and persevere. i dont know i have alot of thigns on my mind. im trying to pull to gether an understanding of where things changed so dramatically in my life. Wehn did i lose my heart?! why did it go away and how can i get it back? i want to know how i coulad have allowed myself to become the persn i hate. That person that doesnt care about others, only themself. That everything is for them and tem only, they ache for the world to revolve around them, and just one person treating them this way is not enough. The world must bow down at their feet. Its like havng a dual personality, and this one someon was the submissive one but now became dominant and controlling and deprives the other of surfacing except at rare and desperate moments. my thoughts are a tangle of unanswered questions and violent searching for a deeper understanding to MY LIFE. I am almost 21 and i need to put my past in order, catalogued / labeled and stored in complete perfect order. i need the facts, the elaborations will come later. A long hard look a myself is needed and i better do it soon. Because i owe them a letter. I owe it to myself to figure out what the fuck is going on in my life and where i want to go from here. time to get my life on track and work hard to achieve something for once in my life!