Me myself and I.
Im writing this because this issue has been one of the reasons why I cannot get over the hurt inside.
I've always guarded my privacy jealously, I dont splash my private life and issues on cyber world, but the last few weeks have made me realise that sometimes, we're all entitled to a listening ear.
This very close friend of mine of 4 years recently fell out with me.
I always worked by the policy that when you're pissed at someone, you should just not talk to that person, because when Im angry, Im often inclined to say things that I dont mean, and I didnt want to say anything that I knew I would regret later.
So I shut her out, but only because I valued our friendship that much, and wanted time to sort my own thoughts.
But she found out about what I said through a source, one whose betrayal of what I said in confidence is something that I have not come to terms with. (but that's not the issue here)
I wrote her an email again when everything died down, a sincere and heartfelt one that took a lot of courage because I was not only going through the shittiest time of my life, I was also irate that she was pissed over something that I wasnt even responsible for.
Our friendship valued that much for me to say something..which I did.
But... there was never a reply. Even a "fuck you mail" would have felt better. To lay your heart out on the table like that, and then to have it ignored, I think that's much worse to have it acknowledged and fucked.
I see it as an offer of friendship which she rejected.
Recently I was told that she was also going through a hard time and therefore, probably didnt have the heart to reply.
I was told that if I really valued our friendship that much, I should seek her out when Im back.
But the resentful part of me is unaccepting of that.
Did I not show how much I valued our friendship by sending her that email? She mnust have known how much I was hurting too, how I checked my inbox ever so daily for a reply that never came.
Throughout all this, I never once heard from her ever.
Tell me, why should I extend a hand of frienship where I once did but was pointedly ignored?
I have always cherished friendships and placed it high on my priority list.
But maybe I've just been so heavily deluded.
Becuase at a time when I needed friends, it felt like no one was there. At a time when I needed mere support from my friends for the decisions I make, instead I've never felt more alone.
Im past all that now. Praise God.
The last few weeks have made me a much stronger person.
I once overestimated myself in terms of protecting myself, and the last few weeks have taught me a very important lesson.
At the end of the day, we are alone. Pray to the Lord for help and mercy, for angels to help you through, but when it comes to the standing up and moving along, no one can help you do it but yourself.
I've always guarded my privacy jealously, I dont splash my private life and issues on cyber world, but the last few weeks have made me realise that sometimes, we're all entitled to a listening ear.
This very close friend of mine of 4 years recently fell out with me.
I always worked by the policy that when you're pissed at someone, you should just not talk to that person, because when Im angry, Im often inclined to say things that I dont mean, and I didnt want to say anything that I knew I would regret later.
So I shut her out, but only because I valued our friendship that much, and wanted time to sort my own thoughts.
But she found out about what I said through a source, one whose betrayal of what I said in confidence is something that I have not come to terms with. (but that's not the issue here)
I wrote her an email again when everything died down, a sincere and heartfelt one that took a lot of courage because I was not only going through the shittiest time of my life, I was also irate that she was pissed over something that I wasnt even responsible for.
Our friendship valued that much for me to say something..which I did.
But... there was never a reply. Even a "fuck you mail" would have felt better. To lay your heart out on the table like that, and then to have it ignored, I think that's much worse to have it acknowledged and fucked.
I see it as an offer of friendship which she rejected.
Recently I was told that she was also going through a hard time and therefore, probably didnt have the heart to reply.
I was told that if I really valued our friendship that much, I should seek her out when Im back.
But the resentful part of me is unaccepting of that.
Did I not show how much I valued our friendship by sending her that email? She mnust have known how much I was hurting too, how I checked my inbox ever so daily for a reply that never came.
Throughout all this, I never once heard from her ever.
Tell me, why should I extend a hand of frienship where I once did but was pointedly ignored?
I have always cherished friendships and placed it high on my priority list.
But maybe I've just been so heavily deluded.
Becuase at a time when I needed friends, it felt like no one was there. At a time when I needed mere support from my friends for the decisions I make, instead I've never felt more alone.
Im past all that now. Praise God.
The last few weeks have made me a much stronger person.
I once overestimated myself in terms of protecting myself, and the last few weeks have taught me a very important lesson.
At the end of the day, we are alone. Pray to the Lord for help and mercy, for angels to help you through, but when it comes to the standing up and moving along, no one can help you do it but yourself.