(no subject)
Friday
I just threw the scissors in the most retarded way you could
ever possibly throw them.
It feels like it's time to get wicked and I'm so high right now on everything and above.
Can you tell by my words how incredibly happy I am in my life right now?
I've recently been feeling like I'm replaying the past.
Which I'm not complaining about at all, it just could be considered good and bad.
Good for one reason, because it is about what I'm feeling right now; which is what my horoscopes say.
____________
Dear jenn,
Here is your horoscope
for Friday, October 17:
What does it take to be nice? Adjusting your attitude involves neither time nor money. Instead of instantly pointing out the worst in others, look for a reason to compliment them. It's an easy habit once you start.
____________
Dear jenn,
Here is your horoscope
for Wednesday, October 15:
As a romantic, you're superhuman. As an animal, you're perfect and alive. Lovers, athletes and artists exist for these moments. Thanks to the stars, a good friend brings you this gift for a few days every month.
____________
Dear jenn,
Here is your horoscope
for Tuesday, October 14:
The impossible becomes an everyday occurrence. Far from being bored by this turn of events, Aquarius is ecstatic. Driven by your imagination and your urges, you're ready to scale new heights.
_______________
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1)No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2)When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3)If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4)Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5)You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6)Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7)Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8)You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9)Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10)The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1)Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2)Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3)When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4)You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5)It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6)Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7)Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1)You believe in Santa Claus.
2)You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3)You are Santa Claus.
4)You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect
I just threw the scissors in the most retarded way you could
ever possibly throw them.
It feels like it's time to get wicked and I'm so high right now on everything and above.
Can you tell by my words how incredibly happy I am in my life right now?
I've recently been feeling like I'm replaying the past.
Which I'm not complaining about at all, it just could be considered good and bad.
Good for one reason, because it is about what I'm feeling right now; which is what my horoscopes say.
____________
Dear jenn,
Here is your horoscope
for Friday, October 17:
What does it take to be nice? Adjusting your attitude involves neither time nor money. Instead of instantly pointing out the worst in others, look for a reason to compliment them. It's an easy habit once you start.
____________
Dear jenn,
Here is your horoscope
for Wednesday, October 15:
As a romantic, you're superhuman. As an animal, you're perfect and alive. Lovers, athletes and artists exist for these moments. Thanks to the stars, a good friend brings you this gift for a few days every month.
____________
Dear jenn,
Here is your horoscope
for Tuesday, October 14:
The impossible becomes an everyday occurrence. Far from being bored by this turn of events, Aquarius is ecstatic. Driven by your imagination and your urges, you're ready to scale new heights.
_______________
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1)No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2)When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3)If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4)Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5)You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6)Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7)Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8)You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9)Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10)The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1)Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
2)Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3)When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4)You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5)It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6)Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7)Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1)You believe in Santa Claus.
2)You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3)You are Santa Claus.
4)You look like Santa Claus.
SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
13 Things PMS Stands For
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect