(no subject)
A lot has happened this summer so far. Some good things and some bad things. But overall it just has me thinking about everything. I am kinda happy I have no plans for today, its the first day since summer started that I have to myself. That might sound crazy but its true, and I am enjoying it.
I feel really bad about some stuff, I keep ignoring some people, I'm sorry I am just not comfortable around them! Then there is someone else that just keeps trying to get back with me, and I just dont feel it anymore. He asked me out on a date last night, and I kno he wanted to kiss me... but I just didnt let him. I only kiss guys that I actually like. Then there's another guy that calls me every day, um... no. Then another that called me last night, sorry hun. I feel bad, I feel like I am leading all these guys on, I dont mean to. But how do I lead them on if I dont even kiss them! erg! I hate being tso nice. I cant tell them that I dont like them, I just cant! But I guess I got what I wanted earlier in the summer, I just wanted to fool around and have fun. Well now that I have that, why is it that I am not happy. I miss being in a relationship, I miss having someone I could go to when I needed someone, having just ONE guy, and just loving someone. But I need to get over my last boyfriend before I can even think about getting into anything serious. I do not want to do that again, it just leads to something really bad, and it never works. But how do you get over your first!? Especially since he still calls me every day!? But its funny as I sit here and think and cry, there is only one person that is going thru my head, and he's not my ex, he's not any of the guys above, but someone that wont stop running thru my mind. Someone that I shouldnt even try to be with. Which hurts even more.