(no subject)
i can never seem to pull together my thoughts and actually write something worth while.
i leave this page open for at least an hour and just stare at the blank screen.
i have so much to say but for some reason when i go to type it out, my fingers cramp up and i forget everything i was thinking about.
i went through a bunch of old entries today and read about when me and cody broke up. hilarious, by the way. im so happy i wrote about the day i went to il bacio with stefano, ted, mike, and erica. im so happy i remember the race we had from the church the makeout bandits played at. im blissful in remeniscing. those kids made me feel like i was on top of the world and deserved nothing less.
every so often i realize that i do deserve something so much better than what i get. i believe myself to genuinely be a good person. i want nothing more than to make people happy and do good things for others. no one seems to realize it though. no one ever realizes how much shit life deals me either. but i always make lemonade. i just need to know that something so good is coming my way. i want to believe in just that.
as if this all isnt bad enough, theres more. a boy. who drives me absolutely crazy. i find myself trying so hard to just move on and get over it, but for some unknown awful reason, i am stuck in this ditch. and i cant get out of it. i blew it, yeah its truth. but they were just words i didnt mean. my heart aches.
no one will understand any of this.