Kill me now and make it swift....
In teh long tradition that is LJ...I feel the need to make an angsty post...and to type it at rapid speed in order to post without me wanting to delete it. Kill me for being angsty.
As of this moment right now...I feel like becoming a recluse. I really dont want to see anybody besides one person. He knows how I feel right now. But tragically I can not get ahold of him for my life. The way I feel is that I want something. Somehow I feel finding this something would make all this angst and miserable feeling just go away. I keep looking, hoping that I find that something. I try everything I can and do most anything to find it. But I can't find it. I know its out there. I had a very long discussion about this problem with my friend. It is comforting to know that someone knows without even really needing to talk about it, other than for comforting sake. Finding this one thing has consumed my life for the last freaking 3 years. Only showing itself to me at random periods. When this first started happening I had no clue how to deal with it. I just stopped caring because I couldnt seem to make myslef happy. I lost all my frinds, pushed my family away, and lost one of the best friends I had ever had he was always there for me. I told all the above people to fuck off basically and let me suffer. Luckily time heals. I have my family back and I have the friends back. And recently I have my friendship back with the best friend.
This time around though things have changed and I will not push everyone away. I will answer my phone. But I really do not want human contact.
But oh well. I will drown my sorrows on Friday night and cheer my boy on at his concert on saturday. Come see LOST! Drop me a line for info. I think the cost is 7 bux.
Theres a place inside my mind, a place you'll never find..
A little emo? Yes. But fuck anybody who really cares that I am.
As of this moment right now...I feel like becoming a recluse. I really dont want to see anybody besides one person. He knows how I feel right now. But tragically I can not get ahold of him for my life. The way I feel is that I want something. Somehow I feel finding this something would make all this angst and miserable feeling just go away. I keep looking, hoping that I find that something. I try everything I can and do most anything to find it. But I can't find it. I know its out there. I had a very long discussion about this problem with my friend. It is comforting to know that someone knows without even really needing to talk about it, other than for comforting sake. Finding this one thing has consumed my life for the last freaking 3 years. Only showing itself to me at random periods. When this first started happening I had no clue how to deal with it. I just stopped caring because I couldnt seem to make myslef happy. I lost all my frinds, pushed my family away, and lost one of the best friends I had ever had he was always there for me. I told all the above people to fuck off basically and let me suffer. Luckily time heals. I have my family back and I have the friends back. And recently I have my friendship back with the best friend.
This time around though things have changed and I will not push everyone away. I will answer my phone. But I really do not want human contact.
But oh well. I will drown my sorrows on Friday night and cheer my boy on at his concert on saturday. Come see LOST! Drop me a line for info. I think the cost is 7 bux.
Theres a place inside my mind, a place you'll never find..
A little emo? Yes. But fuck anybody who really cares that I am.