(no subject)
So, as Justin says, "You're a stubborn, neurotic, debt-ridden hopeless romantic. But you have a cute face, so you should make it through life A-OK."
These last few months have been an emotional roller coaster. Day 15 (Has it only been 15 days?!) of being single, and not-looking. It's way harder than I have ever imagined. I don't really like the fact that the only person I have to rely on is myself. But I must go strong, and stay true, for my well-being.
I know this is going to sound incredibly sad, and extremely selfish, but I really do wish that you knocked me up. I would love the excuse to escape this life, and start a new one with you, regardless of the circumstances. I think about you a lot more than I would like to. Knowing that it is a completely hopeless situation and you will no-doubtingly go back to what you know best, and is easily-accessible.
I still wear your shirt to bed almost every night. It still smells like you. Not that it even smelled good to begin with, but it just feels that you are closer to me, and that part of you you can't take away from me.
Fuck, I feel so hopeless right now. I'm full of those dramatic, cliche questions. Why don't you love me? What did I do wrong? How is she more-suitable than me? Despite the fact you can't even tell her the truth about the most personal areas of your life.
I don't get it. And that is exactly what these six months are supposed to be about. Finding a bit of closure, or closure from the non-closure. But why did you have to call me the other day? And tell me about how you are just as confused as I am, even though you have no intentions on being with me. Even though you will still stay with the "commitment" you made to her, and forget about all the promises and plans we had for our future.
I wish I could just tell you to fuck off and stay out of my life, but I am still clinging on to the hope that your current relationship will fall apart and I will still be there to pick up the pieces, per standard. Ugh, honestly, why couldn't God make me a "strong woman", with self-respect and all the lovely things that I should have?
I never even intended for this entry to be so long, and random... but everything that has been bottled in my brain for the last two weeks (still can't believe it's only been that long.) is just pouring -- gushing -- out.
In a nutshell: everything sucks, and I am stupid and naive to have put all my happiness and self-esteem into a silly love-lottery-type basket. Go me.
But, I have a pretty face, so I guess I'll carry-on just fine.
These last few months have been an emotional roller coaster. Day 15 (Has it only been 15 days?!) of being single, and not-looking. It's way harder than I have ever imagined. I don't really like the fact that the only person I have to rely on is myself. But I must go strong, and stay true, for my well-being.
I know this is going to sound incredibly sad, and extremely selfish, but I really do wish that you knocked me up. I would love the excuse to escape this life, and start a new one with you, regardless of the circumstances. I think about you a lot more than I would like to. Knowing that it is a completely hopeless situation and you will no-doubtingly go back to what you know best, and is easily-accessible.
I still wear your shirt to bed almost every night. It still smells like you. Not that it even smelled good to begin with, but it just feels that you are closer to me, and that part of you you can't take away from me.
Fuck, I feel so hopeless right now. I'm full of those dramatic, cliche questions. Why don't you love me? What did I do wrong? How is she more-suitable than me? Despite the fact you can't even tell her the truth about the most personal areas of your life.
I don't get it. And that is exactly what these six months are supposed to be about. Finding a bit of closure, or closure from the non-closure. But why did you have to call me the other day? And tell me about how you are just as confused as I am, even though you have no intentions on being with me. Even though you will still stay with the "commitment" you made to her, and forget about all the promises and plans we had for our future.
I wish I could just tell you to fuck off and stay out of my life, but I am still clinging on to the hope that your current relationship will fall apart and I will still be there to pick up the pieces, per standard. Ugh, honestly, why couldn't God make me a "strong woman", with self-respect and all the lovely things that I should have?
I never even intended for this entry to be so long, and random... but everything that has been bottled in my brain for the last two weeks (still can't believe it's only been that long.) is just pouring -- gushing -- out.
In a nutshell: everything sucks, and I am stupid and naive to have put all my happiness and self-esteem into a silly love-lottery-type basket. Go me.
But, I have a pretty face, so I guess I'll carry-on just fine.