Everyday we all get older and everyday we all get colder
I'm sooo confussed right now becuase I just realized even though I'm not cutting myself anymore, I'm still hurting myself...I don't think I go five minutes without critising myself. I know I stopped for awhile but I've been throwing up everything I eat again too...I know if I keep it up then I'll have a heart attack or die or something but sometimes i really do think I'd rather be dead then fat. I seriously do not see any beauty in me whatsoever, and I really do not understand it when people tell me how thin I've gotten or what a beautiful person I am or how sweet I am...I mean I've said sooo many harsh things about people when I get mad...I can be nice but I'm not as nice as some people seem to think...I think that no matter how thin I get (i've already lost 40 pounds since 7th grade for christs sake) I'll never be able to see myself being good enough...It kills me inside to know people see something that I can't see. I'm not trying to complain or anything I just need to get this shit off my chest....I always think to myself if i have the right clothes the best makeup perfect hair and a perfect body I'll be sooo happy...but thats all material...I know it in my heart it won't make me happy...but it doesn't change anything I still want all that stuff..Sorry I'm not trying to get any1 to feel sorry for me and I feel like thats what it sounds like so I'm done. Comment if you want but if it's just something mean then don't cause I REALLY don't want to hear it.
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