Family Score 1...pinkpixie 0-AND I DON'T CARE!
After being promised that we would be getting my brother on 8/03, we have been jumping through hoops to get our little home ready for another person. I have gone on his school website and read up on things that could help him. I made lists of "things to do" for his medical and financial well being., I have been mentally making little notes about what fun activities we would do before school started. I informed my new employers (oh yes, I got ANOTHER promotion) that my schedule would be subject to change due to the guardianship.
Mostly, GH (Great Husband) and I have been just plain excited. We adore him and want the best for him. Our hearts are in the right place....
Of course, as in any fairy tale, this is when the monster comes out and turns the happy story very, very, bad.
The investigator called at 2 on Friday. Apparently she spoke to M- on the phone and he said he wanted to stay with the uncle.
She also spoke to my Grandmother. She made the uncle's case very attractive.
The investigator is no longer sure who to place M- with.
Remember the blog about me being the rag doll? Well, it appears that the angry german shepherd (also known as my family)is rearing its ugly head.
I was immediately sick to my stomach.
There are so many reasons why this was a bad thing. Simply, the investigator should have asked M- in person!!!
M- says things are good there now and the uncle is saying things like"we are going to family counselling, we are going to put him in summer camp, and he is enrolled in a martial arts class."
And all these things make the investigator believe the uncle is trying to change his ways...and all the worry over the violent tendencies fly out the window.
Angry, upset and frustrated at the system, I was physically sick last night. My GH's wonderful family listened, supported and comforted me. My older sister, as busy as she is, listened to me rant and rave. And my husband and I raged and mourned together.
And I prayed.
I went to bed dejected, and feeling raw inside...like I had once again been the fool manipulated and rejected by my
dysfunctional family and the system.
When would I learn? How can I maintain my belief in all the goodness in people, when even as I write this, I am writing about bad?
My peace came to me. My GH is so wonderful. I adore him. He told me something last week that has changed me. And my spiritual faith (the one that my uncle is so against) has brought me peace.
And I have a beautiful outlook, that is not only enlightened, but wise. Which would come to a surprise to the members of my family who find me unintelligent.
Here it is:
Whatever happens on Thursday is a direct result of M- having 2 choices. I cannot change what he has said. I want custody of him. I believe we are the best choice. But if he stays with the uncle, the court is going to have the recommendation to give me court appointed visitation. I will not be forced out of his life. My family will have to deal with that. If the court doesn't give me visitation, my family will not allow visits, especially now that I went so forcefully against the "will of my mother". And if I get my brother,then I will still have to deal with the family and their issues. The enlightenment comes from the GIFT that this experience has given me. Each of my family have let me know EXACTLY what they think of me. I no longer have to try to gain respect, or admiration, or love. Nothing I do will change how they ALREADY FELT. I have been freed from the guilt. They have no respect for me. And as my GH has said, though he knew it caused great pain to my sensitive heart.....they have just tolerated you your whole life. Why do you try so hard to please people who don't even deserve you? Truth hurts. But it was the truth. Why do I??? Whatever happens, I do not feel the same need to please them as I did even a week ago.
I am gifted with my husband . He is a blessing in my life. I know he loves me. He stands by me. He is my eternal partner...and my love him has quadrupled in the last 2 weeks.
I have lost more than my mother this year. But through that loss, I have gained truth. Something that so many people live their whole lives trying to find and understand.
So all is well. I promised M- I would always take a stand for him, and I kept my promise.
I feel in my heart (since Friday's change in events) the courts will side with my uncle. M- will live with him. I did what I could do. And in trying to help my brother, I freed myself.
Mostly, GH (Great Husband) and I have been just plain excited. We adore him and want the best for him. Our hearts are in the right place....
Of course, as in any fairy tale, this is when the monster comes out and turns the happy story very, very, bad.
The investigator called at 2 on Friday. Apparently she spoke to M- on the phone and he said he wanted to stay with the uncle.
She also spoke to my Grandmother. She made the uncle's case very attractive.
The investigator is no longer sure who to place M- with.
Remember the blog about me being the rag doll? Well, it appears that the angry german shepherd (also known as my family)is rearing its ugly head.
I was immediately sick to my stomach.
There are so many reasons why this was a bad thing. Simply, the investigator should have asked M- in person!!!
M- says things are good there now and the uncle is saying things like"we are going to family counselling, we are going to put him in summer camp, and he is enrolled in a martial arts class."
And all these things make the investigator believe the uncle is trying to change his ways...and all the worry over the violent tendencies fly out the window.
Angry, upset and frustrated at the system, I was physically sick last night. My GH's wonderful family listened, supported and comforted me. My older sister, as busy as she is, listened to me rant and rave. And my husband and I raged and mourned together.
And I prayed.
I went to bed dejected, and feeling raw inside...like I had once again been the fool manipulated and rejected by my
dysfunctional family and the system.
When would I learn? How can I maintain my belief in all the goodness in people, when even as I write this, I am writing about bad?
My peace came to me. My GH is so wonderful. I adore him. He told me something last week that has changed me. And my spiritual faith (the one that my uncle is so against) has brought me peace.
And I have a beautiful outlook, that is not only enlightened, but wise. Which would come to a surprise to the members of my family who find me unintelligent.
Here it is:
Whatever happens on Thursday is a direct result of M- having 2 choices. I cannot change what he has said. I want custody of him. I believe we are the best choice. But if he stays with the uncle, the court is going to have the recommendation to give me court appointed visitation. I will not be forced out of his life. My family will have to deal with that. If the court doesn't give me visitation, my family will not allow visits, especially now that I went so forcefully against the "will of my mother". And if I get my brother,then I will still have to deal with the family and their issues. The enlightenment comes from the GIFT that this experience has given me. Each of my family have let me know EXACTLY what they think of me. I no longer have to try to gain respect, or admiration, or love. Nothing I do will change how they ALREADY FELT. I have been freed from the guilt. They have no respect for me. And as my GH has said, though he knew it caused great pain to my sensitive heart.....they have just tolerated you your whole life. Why do you try so hard to please people who don't even deserve you? Truth hurts. But it was the truth. Why do I??? Whatever happens, I do not feel the same need to please them as I did even a week ago.
I am gifted with my husband . He is a blessing in my life. I know he loves me. He stands by me. He is my eternal partner...and my love him has quadrupled in the last 2 weeks.
I have lost more than my mother this year. But through that loss, I have gained truth. Something that so many people live their whole lives trying to find and understand.
So all is well. I promised M- I would always take a stand for him, and I kept my promise.
I feel in my heart (since Friday's change in events) the courts will side with my uncle. M- will live with him. I did what I could do. And in trying to help my brother, I freed myself.