its all so much worse when i'm tired but it doesnt seem to go away when i wake up

[pink_pillows]

my tears are tears of anger and rage and loneliness. i'm in the fight on my own. no family to help me. in fact its against my own family. what the hell happened to the days when i would cry just thinking about not being with my dad. hes hurt me so much. i'm choking on my own words. i miss when i was younger and everything was happy. the worst thing that could happen was easily fixed with a bandaid. i hate this so much. my friends are the only ones keeping my sanity in tact. the best quotes i have seen today are

*i flirt with suicide

*id like to dream my troubles away

*what the inside shows, the outside hides

*the only thing standing between me and happiness is reality

the scariest thing is that i feel guilt. i dont want to be mad at him and i dont want anything to happen to him. i just want him in or out of my life so that this rollercoaster of emotions can end and i can deal with it that way. and i dont want him out of my life. i am so lost. i am so dazed. i am so confused.

***i know that this entry is all about me and whats going on and that my life is bad but i want to let who ever you may be that i know that other people have bad days too. theres no need to leave a comment on how i may be self centered or just looking for attention. i just wanted to write what i am feeling towards my dad right now. if you have a problem with me, i'm sorry i dont want me to be like this. but i am