(no subject)
i thought i was getting better. i wasnt crying , i wasnt obsessing over little things , i wasnt over-analyzing situations , i wasnt worrying about everything.
but now that my best friend is leaving and going far away , it all has to come back , when i'll have nobody to talk to. great.
i found myself crying tonight.
i missed maggie's going away party.
i missed her for the last time fora long while.
everyone went. and now i feel like she thinks i dont care. and i feel like a bad friend.
its my fault we wont have seen each other before she goes away.
haley sent me an upsetting message.
i cant sleep.
sometimes i think maybe if i dont eat , ill shrivel up and wont seem to exist anymore.thats what i hope for sometimes. i obsess over my weight and my looks because i hate them. i might have a problem. i dont care. sometimes i enjoy these thoughts more than the happy ones , when im sad.
i miss home. i miss my friends...who i feel arent really friends anymore.
i miss everyhting and everyone
and in about 2 weeeks ill be leaving for north carolina to see my alcaholic , drug-abusing father.
it sounds all so pathetic.
i wish there were a dark hole you could crawl in when you were sad. i think im at my lowest right now.
i honestly dont know if i can handle being away for a month.
im worried...about everything , and its killing me.
this is the only way i can think to let all of my feelings out.
maybe i can sleep if i do.
but now that my best friend is leaving and going far away , it all has to come back , when i'll have nobody to talk to. great.
i found myself crying tonight.
i missed maggie's going away party.
i missed her for the last time fora long while.
everyone went. and now i feel like she thinks i dont care. and i feel like a bad friend.
its my fault we wont have seen each other before she goes away.
haley sent me an upsetting message.
i cant sleep.
sometimes i think maybe if i dont eat , ill shrivel up and wont seem to exist anymore.thats what i hope for sometimes. i obsess over my weight and my looks because i hate them. i might have a problem. i dont care. sometimes i enjoy these thoughts more than the happy ones , when im sad.
i miss home. i miss my friends...who i feel arent really friends anymore.
i miss everyhting and everyone
and in about 2 weeeks ill be leaving for north carolina to see my alcaholic , drug-abusing father.
it sounds all so pathetic.
i wish there were a dark hole you could crawl in when you were sad. i think im at my lowest right now.
i honestly dont know if i can handle being away for a month.
im worried...about everything , and its killing me.
this is the only way i can think to let all of my feelings out.
maybe i can sleep if i do.