Soul Mate Debate With My Inner Self
Why do I love him? This makes no sense to me. I thought I was over him I really did. I mean I went out with Jonny and me and Jonny had a great time. Jonny was a great person who had issues about commitment *he'd make a good member of that religion where u can have mulltiple wives* but Jonny was ALWAYS able to make me smile but he always pissed me off too. He use to say "r u sure u love me and not him" and I always said yes because I believe it myself. I believed it until he kissed me on Thursday and held me close in his bed.
I dont know if I feel whorish or glad that the guy I wanted for so long wants me back. I just know I cant be with him and thats what hurts. I cant be with him because I know him too well. Hes beautiful don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but he's got this way of hurting me *only sometimes* and Im afraid to get hurt again.
ON thursday he said I was beautiful and that Jonny disrespected him by hurting me because he cares so much for me and that I have the ability to make him laugh when he feels low. Yesterday he gave me a hug goodbye and it felt so good to be in his arms. Not like it felt to be in Jonny's but better, truer, and more sincere.
I KNOW that I love him. I know that for a fact. I have been in love with him for a while. I just feel so bad for telling Jonny it was just lust cuz I lied to him, myself, and the other guy. I told the one that I truly love *I cant say his name Im sorry* that I loved Jonny and I didnt love Jonny at all it was just nice to be with someone.
I dont know if I could stand to hurt him at all. I hurt him once before Im not ready to be pushed out of his life. I love him to death and I cant figure out why and its fucking with my head. Why is everything so difficult??!!
~*~ Sometimes I sit and cry close my eyes and wish to die ~*~
I dont know if I feel whorish or glad that the guy I wanted for so long wants me back. I just know I cant be with him and thats what hurts. I cant be with him because I know him too well. Hes beautiful don't get me wrong, he's a great guy, but he's got this way of hurting me *only sometimes* and Im afraid to get hurt again.
ON thursday he said I was beautiful and that Jonny disrespected him by hurting me because he cares so much for me and that I have the ability to make him laugh when he feels low. Yesterday he gave me a hug goodbye and it felt so good to be in his arms. Not like it felt to be in Jonny's but better, truer, and more sincere.
I KNOW that I love him. I know that for a fact. I have been in love with him for a while. I just feel so bad for telling Jonny it was just lust cuz I lied to him, myself, and the other guy. I told the one that I truly love *I cant say his name Im sorry* that I loved Jonny and I didnt love Jonny at all it was just nice to be with someone.
I dont know if I could stand to hurt him at all. I hurt him once before Im not ready to be pushed out of his life. I love him to death and I cant figure out why and its fucking with my head. Why is everything so difficult??!!
~*~ Sometimes I sit and cry close my eyes and wish to die ~*~