Empty Spaces
I've been doing alright lately. I was transferred to a different store, but I really like it there and I like most of the people (employees and customers). I feel like all I do is work these days. I've been going into overtime every week, which means I work more than 40 hours a week. I get 1 day off per week usually, sometimes 2. So pretty much, work really is all I do. But I have to get my debts paid off, so I'm not complaining.
I signed up for school, which starts the 31st. But I'm considering taking yet another quarter off. I don't know if I can handle the stress of 40+ hours of work, plus 3 classes. Additionally, I can't really afford to go to school right now anyway. Or at least I can't afford the books (since financial aid takes care of most of the rest). I'm struggling with this decision right now, though, because I have this fear of being a failure if I don't graduate from college and get my degrees as soon as I possibly can. But I don't want to take the chance of getting so stressed out that I relapse again, since my recovery is still so very fragile. Yes, that's right. I had a rough week and refilled a prescription. I finished the bottle, and thank God, that was the end of that. I've been working on identifying triggers and doing other things to get my mind off of cravings. For that, Vince has been a life saver. If I close at work, I call him on my way home because that's when I used to use the most. We're starting to go on dates again, but I think we'll just stick to being close friends. In June, he's moving to California for 6 months. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without him.
Excercise is my new hobby. I've been working out every day, and physically I feel really good. As a matter of fact, I feel so good physically that I called my lawyer today and said that I'm ready to settle. But she's going on vacation for a while, so I won't be able to meet with her for about a month to get the ball rolling. It's what's keeping me from completely breaking down; the settlement. I know that soon I will get my money (and I know just about how much it will be). I can pay off my car, pay off all of my credit card debt, pay off my student loans, and have a little nest-egg. I can start over. I can put my accident and everything that came with it in the past and start fresh, and that's such an amazing feeling to know that I am so close to doing that.
My life seriously feels like it's lacking something though, and I don't know what. Other than that one missing link, life is good. I can't thank God enough for giving me a second (or third, etc.) chance at life. I'm so happy to just be alive, especially when I think of the times I was teetering over the edge, about to lose that.
I signed up for school, which starts the 31st. But I'm considering taking yet another quarter off. I don't know if I can handle the stress of 40+ hours of work, plus 3 classes. Additionally, I can't really afford to go to school right now anyway. Or at least I can't afford the books (since financial aid takes care of most of the rest). I'm struggling with this decision right now, though, because I have this fear of being a failure if I don't graduate from college and get my degrees as soon as I possibly can. But I don't want to take the chance of getting so stressed out that I relapse again, since my recovery is still so very fragile. Yes, that's right. I had a rough week and refilled a prescription. I finished the bottle, and thank God, that was the end of that. I've been working on identifying triggers and doing other things to get my mind off of cravings. For that, Vince has been a life saver. If I close at work, I call him on my way home because that's when I used to use the most. We're starting to go on dates again, but I think we'll just stick to being close friends. In June, he's moving to California for 6 months. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without him.
Excercise is my new hobby. I've been working out every day, and physically I feel really good. As a matter of fact, I feel so good physically that I called my lawyer today and said that I'm ready to settle. But she's going on vacation for a while, so I won't be able to meet with her for about a month to get the ball rolling. It's what's keeping me from completely breaking down; the settlement. I know that soon I will get my money (and I know just about how much it will be). I can pay off my car, pay off all of my credit card debt, pay off my student loans, and have a little nest-egg. I can start over. I can put my accident and everything that came with it in the past and start fresh, and that's such an amazing feeling to know that I am so close to doing that.
My life seriously feels like it's lacking something though, and I don't know what. Other than that one missing link, life is good. I can't thank God enough for giving me a second (or third, etc.) chance at life. I'm so happy to just be alive, especially when I think of the times I was teetering over the edge, about to lose that.