In Case You Didn't Already Know...
Maybe I just need to learn to accept that life isn't going to be what I expected. That I can't be a certain way just because that's how I always envisioned it being. That sometimes life is what is it is and you just have to roll with it...it's so hard for me though because it's very difficult for me to wait for things to happen. I want to change now and I want things to be somewhere where they just aren't. Some people may be content to just get through it...happy to say that they made some impact on somebody's life...but even though it may be selfish, that's not me. I want big things to happen, I don't need to change the world and honestly I spend a fair amount of time worrying about other people as it is, so fixing other's problems and helping them be better isn't high on my priority list. Not to say I don't care but lately, I don't. I want to go places and see things and meet someone who gets me. I'm realizing more and more that in order for a relationship to work for me--it's going to have to be someone who gets me--not just someone that I'm attracted to or am bored enough to venture down a road with, someone who I can just be with and it's going to be interesting finding that person considering that there are so few people that I can honestly say know me even at all. I'm random. I make the same bad choices over and over again. I can be too blunt at times and at others I completely miss the window. I'm stubborn and I won't change unless I want to. I'm spacey and I don't make time for people. I have a rich fantasy life and am often lost in my own world. I don't let people in easily nor do I let people know that they've hurt me. I had weird food standards and I can't stand a dirty kitchen. I need my alone time and I can be a bitch when I'm stressed out. I have a hard time not saying what I think, but often when I try the words that I think are too hard to say and I end up being misunderstood. I have several vices that I'm not sure if I'll ever completely get rid of. I don't ever really want a "real job" yet I don't think it's a bad thing to have your career be something different than the job you spend most of your time at. I'm far from being an idealistic girly-girl but if you can't believe that the fairy-tale is possible, what the point of going on? I think being a waitress can be glamorous. I've always wanted be a flight attendant at some point in my life. It's hard to make me jealous. I don't believe in soulmates or love at first sight, but I'm hoping there is someone out there who can make--even me--believe in at least love. I'm good at reading people but not good at dealing with them. I love costumes and Halloween is the only holiday I like. I don't think I want kids because I never want to be that tied down. I think what you do with the emptiness defines who you are. I couldn't live without Diet Coke. I'm terrified of getting old. I judge people based on superficial things and I believe that everyone is manipulative. I have some intimacy issues. I find the most inappropriate men/scenarios to be the most exciting. I stay up too late and dread the mornings. I'd rather starve than spend one more minute of my life doing something I hate. I wish for the day when I have the time (and resources) to do what I want, to think about where I need to go, and figure out how to be happy...even though I know no matter what, I'll end up miles from where I thought I'd be...the best laid plans...:)