(no subject)
i do like him. end of story. end of question. whether something will blossom out of this attraction, who knows? i'm headed west and south. he might be headed east to china. now wouldn't that be a great long distance relationship?
i have no clue what's going through his head. there are moments i terribly enjoy with him. it's like discovering a new character. i can let my heart go and let it grow fond of him daily. even in his absence. i can manage that no problem. but the deal is it has already gone. it has already left. to follow him like a shadow. a completely selfish shadow. because the shadow gets excited being lit by him.
there are details i want to record. details. delicious stuff. i am in swoon, in smitten season. the earth is bare and lust in the air like peach fragrance. and he is such a mellow fruit with a bite tho. not sure how to describe. oh, i am impelled to write letters again. silly lackadaisical lovesick letters. i am such a puppy.
i'll just enjoy myself. it is slurpee pleasure or cigarette buzz. i am totally aware of myself when around him and dizzy in his unpredictable conversation turns. it is refreshing to converse with an inquisitive thinker but also frustrating when the sexes get in the way. the potent loins. the fertile calling.
a certain poetry floods my veins.
i come here to drain myself of the need/longing/obsession/torture. a new kind of torture. a young kind. a mature kind.
oh, he has no idea of his effect. is he not as sophisticated a soul as i make him out to be? sink of swim, my heart is there. once again fluttering about his office business. his morning commute. his hot breakfast. gosh, darn it, i'm hopeless. i'm a freak. a pathetic. oh, no.
but it's fun. if he comes out to the gallery opening then neato. i'm sure i'll be jealous of others giving him attention how miniscule it might be. i am definitely jealous like that. but not a toxic jealousy. just evidence of courtly love. (ex-video clerk boy's words)
if nothing comes about, nothing will. i will transfer my frustrations elsewhere. my passions. my deep and delirious. my head and my loins. feigning indifference but panting, cross for affection. yes, a fucked up psyche.
isn't it wonderful to be alive in this crush season? o be plentiful, this crush high. magnificent thrill. my heart's charm.
like a lapping wave in a purple sunset. orange, my lover's skin tastes. soft as peach.
i want him. but not sure he wants me the same way. probably not. then there's my sister who i think shares similar affections with me for him. a most bizarre triangle. i don't like giving things up. goes against my competitive nature. but if he stays here, they can, i don't know, keep each other company.
sigh. and a roll of eyes. enough of these thoughts for the morning at least. wonder how many calories thinking burns?
(this is siren.)
i have no clue what's going through his head. there are moments i terribly enjoy with him. it's like discovering a new character. i can let my heart go and let it grow fond of him daily. even in his absence. i can manage that no problem. but the deal is it has already gone. it has already left. to follow him like a shadow. a completely selfish shadow. because the shadow gets excited being lit by him.
there are details i want to record. details. delicious stuff. i am in swoon, in smitten season. the earth is bare and lust in the air like peach fragrance. and he is such a mellow fruit with a bite tho. not sure how to describe. oh, i am impelled to write letters again. silly lackadaisical lovesick letters. i am such a puppy.
i'll just enjoy myself. it is slurpee pleasure or cigarette buzz. i am totally aware of myself when around him and dizzy in his unpredictable conversation turns. it is refreshing to converse with an inquisitive thinker but also frustrating when the sexes get in the way. the potent loins. the fertile calling.
a certain poetry floods my veins.
i come here to drain myself of the need/longing/obsession/torture. a new kind of torture. a young kind. a mature kind.
oh, he has no idea of his effect. is he not as sophisticated a soul as i make him out to be? sink of swim, my heart is there. once again fluttering about his office business. his morning commute. his hot breakfast. gosh, darn it, i'm hopeless. i'm a freak. a pathetic. oh, no.
but it's fun. if he comes out to the gallery opening then neato. i'm sure i'll be jealous of others giving him attention how miniscule it might be. i am definitely jealous like that. but not a toxic jealousy. just evidence of courtly love. (ex-video clerk boy's words)
if nothing comes about, nothing will. i will transfer my frustrations elsewhere. my passions. my deep and delirious. my head and my loins. feigning indifference but panting, cross for affection. yes, a fucked up psyche.
isn't it wonderful to be alive in this crush season? o be plentiful, this crush high. magnificent thrill. my heart's charm.
like a lapping wave in a purple sunset. orange, my lover's skin tastes. soft as peach.
i want him. but not sure he wants me the same way. probably not. then there's my sister who i think shares similar affections with me for him. a most bizarre triangle. i don't like giving things up. goes against my competitive nature. but if he stays here, they can, i don't know, keep each other company.
sigh. and a roll of eyes. enough of these thoughts for the morning at least. wonder how many calories thinking burns?
(this is siren.)