(no subject)
I feel kind of blah right now. Don't know why. Just do. Oh well, I guess I'll get over it.
It is raining out though. I do love the rain. Good college memories of rain and the like. I've got my window open so I can hear it (even though I think the AC is on) and smell it.
I was going through some of my old poetry that I wrote my freshman year of college. It was so weird. Reading that, and remembering why I wrote it, just puts me right back in the situation. I can feel everything that I was feeling then. I don't know if I like it or not.
One of the ones that I re-read tonight really hit me hard. It's called "42":
42 aspirin left in the bottle
Counted out one by one
Each one held in my hand
Before being dropped back in its place
Half a bottle
I feel like my whole life is flipped
Upside down, and turned
Inside out
One stab followed
Continuously by another
Everyone grabbing at pieces
Of me until it’s too much
At some point I will
break down
I will run away
Call me a cop out if you will
I am
I know it
Clutching the bottle to
my chest I cry
God I just want to be happy
For the pain to be gone and
Buried down where it won’t
haunt me any longer.
I have dreams, and
I have hopes, but
I have pain that I can’t deal with
42 aspirin left in the bottle
Counted out one by one
Each one held in my hand
Before being dropped back in its place
Half a bottle
That has to be enough to
Get me somewhere
Hopefully not where I am now
Where I don’t fit
Where I’m not happy
And where I’m obviously not wanted
Somehow I managed to convince myself
That I was, for the longest time
With each insult hurled at me
From behind closed eyes and ears
I told myself things would get better
Did they?
No
Now reality has hit
For the first time
I will do something about it.
I can change my destiny
I can change my happiness
And I have 42 aspirin to help me do that.
Stay strong and I can do this,
Put one to my lips and imagine
Swallowing
Maybe someone will notice
Care for just a little while
But how short a time it will take
For the normal to set back in
42 aspirin left in the bottle
Counted out one by one
Each one held in my hand
Before being dropped back in its place
Half a bottle
I remember the details the night I wrote that so vividly. Like I really was back there. For a moment, I felt what I was feeling. And I definately didn't like it. Creeps me out a little bit.
It is raining out though. I do love the rain. Good college memories of rain and the like. I've got my window open so I can hear it (even though I think the AC is on) and smell it.
I was going through some of my old poetry that I wrote my freshman year of college. It was so weird. Reading that, and remembering why I wrote it, just puts me right back in the situation. I can feel everything that I was feeling then. I don't know if I like it or not.
One of the ones that I re-read tonight really hit me hard. It's called "42":
42 aspirin left in the bottle
Counted out one by one
Each one held in my hand
Before being dropped back in its place
Half a bottle
I feel like my whole life is flipped
Upside down, and turned
Inside out
One stab followed
Continuously by another
Everyone grabbing at pieces
Of me until it’s too much
At some point I will
break down
I will run away
Call me a cop out if you will
I am
I know it
Clutching the bottle to
my chest I cry
God I just want to be happy
For the pain to be gone and
Buried down where it won’t
haunt me any longer.
I have dreams, and
I have hopes, but
I have pain that I can’t deal with
42 aspirin left in the bottle
Counted out one by one
Each one held in my hand
Before being dropped back in its place
Half a bottle
That has to be enough to
Get me somewhere
Hopefully not where I am now
Where I don’t fit
Where I’m not happy
And where I’m obviously not wanted
Somehow I managed to convince myself
That I was, for the longest time
With each insult hurled at me
From behind closed eyes and ears
I told myself things would get better
Did they?
No
Now reality has hit
For the first time
I will do something about it.
I can change my destiny
I can change my happiness
And I have 42 aspirin to help me do that.
Stay strong and I can do this,
Put one to my lips and imagine
Swallowing
Maybe someone will notice
Care for just a little while
But how short a time it will take
For the normal to set back in
42 aspirin left in the bottle
Counted out one by one
Each one held in my hand
Before being dropped back in its place
Half a bottle
I remember the details the night I wrote that so vividly. Like I really was back there. For a moment, I felt what I was feeling. And I definately didn't like it. Creeps me out a little bit.