blah
i feel like i can do it alone.
but i know i can't.
i think ive come to this realization at least a thousand times in the past 6 months. yet i keep choosing to go off and do my one thing. even though im satisfied for the time being, i'm always left worse than where i started. it's a useless demeaning pattern that i have brought into my life, and no matter how much i wish i could just let it go, i don't think i have enough patience or will power to wait for the right things to happen on their own time. i really don't understand why either. what is it exactly that im looking for because i can't even give myself an answer to that question. thats pretty fucking sad. i don't know where i am or what is really going on in my life at this time. i feel like im just going in the direction that the world points me in, but i know i should withstand those temptations because they always seem to dig me deeper and deeper into the hole that i am trying to avoid. but am i really? i say i dont want to get caught up in all of the shit that life brings my way yet im always drawn towards it like a magnet. i seriously could care less about what anyone else thinks. thats way besides the point, but it just seems like i'm just not strong enough to live with out all of the temporary's. even though that is exactly what they all are..temporary. ugh.
i need to get all of my shit straight.
and this useless cycle needs to end. yet, i see no prominent ending in sight..
p.s.: im sorry for being so whiny.
but i know i can't.
i think ive come to this realization at least a thousand times in the past 6 months. yet i keep choosing to go off and do my one thing. even though im satisfied for the time being, i'm always left worse than where i started. it's a useless demeaning pattern that i have brought into my life, and no matter how much i wish i could just let it go, i don't think i have enough patience or will power to wait for the right things to happen on their own time. i really don't understand why either. what is it exactly that im looking for because i can't even give myself an answer to that question. thats pretty fucking sad. i don't know where i am or what is really going on in my life at this time. i feel like im just going in the direction that the world points me in, but i know i should withstand those temptations because they always seem to dig me deeper and deeper into the hole that i am trying to avoid. but am i really? i say i dont want to get caught up in all of the shit that life brings my way yet im always drawn towards it like a magnet. i seriously could care less about what anyone else thinks. thats way besides the point, but it just seems like i'm just not strong enough to live with out all of the temporary's. even though that is exactly what they all are..temporary. ugh.
i need to get all of my shit straight.
and this useless cycle needs to end. yet, i see no prominent ending in sight..
p.s.: im sorry for being so whiny.