(no subject)
I decided that I needed to find a live journal and vent to it before I went stark raving mad. BLAAOOGGAA!! BLEEGGER BOOGER BIGGAWOOOGLA HUFF! Oi. Those are the sounds of a frustrated Blair. Let me just get some of this off my chest. It's one of the coping stragies we talked about in Psychology. Those who write it out handle and get over it better than those who bottle it up and try to deal with it or those who shuffle it under the rug.
I pulled a serious muscle in my leg/hip/bum. I had done it before but I hurt it again last night at ballet. Today I was stranded at school because my car wouldn't start. This was after I drove 20 miles over the speed limit and sprinted all the way across campus so I wouldn't be late for a meeting with my adviser. I couldn't call my mom to tell her I had a problem because my cell phone was at home comfortably plugged into the stupid wall where I left it. I walked to Mary's hall to try and use her phone or something. My leg was hurting awfully (the pulled muscle) and I have had cramps all day long that have made me just want to puke and go to sleep in the fetal position. Mary was unavailable in her room so I walked back to Chow. On the way I finally crossed paths with someone who's face I recognised. I cannot remember his name but I had spoke to him once before and in "an act of desparatation" I asked him if I could use his phone. He didn't have one but the fellow walking with him graciously let me use his. Mom said she'd pick me up in an hour and told me to eat lunch there. I ran across Brian in Chow and that was the highlight of my really bumpy morning. He got me hot chocolate and gave me a hug and kiss. It made me feel better inside, though physically I was (and am) still on the worse-er-ish side of not so good. Unfortunately, I only got to be with him for an hour. Mom got me -- we jumped off my car enough to get it to the shop where they told us that it was just shot. I was feeling so poorly at this point that mom sent me to sleep in the back of the car while they installed the new battery. From there I went to work. From there I went to the NGCSU ballet class that we've started up. Mary was sick and I was beyond dead to the world at this point.... plus the jazz band was doing sectionals in our room.... so we hung out and watched a movie instead. It was a good movie but we didn't get to finish it.
After my college and work adventures I went to karate where I had to teach the class. THe last thing I wanted to do today was teach a karate class. By the end of it my leg was burning to ferociously that I could not even pull my body upright from a bow. My teacher thinks I have NO OTHER LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every Saturday morning at 5:30 I have to get up and go to that stupid class. Every Thursday I have to go to that stupid class. I have to miss some because (HERE's ANOTHER HUGE STRESSOR IN MY LIFE) I have to visit colleges! Well now he tells me that if I miss i have to come on Monday nights. I have ballet on Monday nights. We are getting ready to do the Nutcracker. On Wednesdays I have another ballet class -- where I pulled my ham string.
On an academic level..... I am totally stressed out about this essay I have to write for English. I am not finished with it ahead of time and it's killing me. I haven't even started my second section of Psychology responses!! I have to lead the group discussion in Psyc next Friday and I am not prepared!! My group has not gotten together to plan and complete our respective research! We have no materials that we can tell the class to read! I hate my Spanish class. I need a shower. I have to sew my dress for Chorus! My mom thinks that telling me about everythign I ahve to do helps to motivate me, but in reality it only freezes my mind and body with stress and agony and makes me incapable of getting anything accomplished.
I am so worried about what to do for college next year. I feel like the Lord is leading me to stay here for a year but then I'm terrified of what repercussions this choice might have. Brian hates the corps and wants to go to West Georgia for the division 1 cheerleading. He'd be so good at it.... he could flourish there! But then he said he might stay here in the corps another year for me.... and that just eats me up with guilt and pressure because now I feel like my choice of colleges MAY inhibit what he really really wants. I'm scared. Now Dr. Broman wants me to me in La Belle Voche! And Dr. Smith wants me to apply for the honor's program! And......ahh... I'm involved in all of these different things and everyone at the different ends of my world all want all of me! I just don't have all of me to give. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to pursue and what to let go. I don't know how to cope! TO make matters worse I now have this physical injury to deal with. I can't deal with physical injury right now. My karate test is coming up for my black belt. I have to write numberous papers for this and completely a lengthy itenerary. Not to mention all of this I also have to fill out college applications.
Oh god............. help! Why did you have to put me on my period right now. I could handle all of this a lot better if my uterous wasn't shedding it's lining into my underpants! UGG.
Please pray for me. I'm having a break down! I don't want stress in my life.
I just made an executive decision. I am dropping Algebra!
I pulled a serious muscle in my leg/hip/bum. I had done it before but I hurt it again last night at ballet. Today I was stranded at school because my car wouldn't start. This was after I drove 20 miles over the speed limit and sprinted all the way across campus so I wouldn't be late for a meeting with my adviser. I couldn't call my mom to tell her I had a problem because my cell phone was at home comfortably plugged into the stupid wall where I left it. I walked to Mary's hall to try and use her phone or something. My leg was hurting awfully (the pulled muscle) and I have had cramps all day long that have made me just want to puke and go to sleep in the fetal position. Mary was unavailable in her room so I walked back to Chow. On the way I finally crossed paths with someone who's face I recognised. I cannot remember his name but I had spoke to him once before and in "an act of desparatation" I asked him if I could use his phone. He didn't have one but the fellow walking with him graciously let me use his. Mom said she'd pick me up in an hour and told me to eat lunch there. I ran across Brian in Chow and that was the highlight of my really bumpy morning. He got me hot chocolate and gave me a hug and kiss. It made me feel better inside, though physically I was (and am) still on the worse-er-ish side of not so good. Unfortunately, I only got to be with him for an hour. Mom got me -- we jumped off my car enough to get it to the shop where they told us that it was just shot. I was feeling so poorly at this point that mom sent me to sleep in the back of the car while they installed the new battery. From there I went to work. From there I went to the NGCSU ballet class that we've started up. Mary was sick and I was beyond dead to the world at this point.... plus the jazz band was doing sectionals in our room.... so we hung out and watched a movie instead. It was a good movie but we didn't get to finish it.
After my college and work adventures I went to karate where I had to teach the class. THe last thing I wanted to do today was teach a karate class. By the end of it my leg was burning to ferociously that I could not even pull my body upright from a bow. My teacher thinks I have NO OTHER LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every Saturday morning at 5:30 I have to get up and go to that stupid class. Every Thursday I have to go to that stupid class. I have to miss some because (HERE's ANOTHER HUGE STRESSOR IN MY LIFE) I have to visit colleges! Well now he tells me that if I miss i have to come on Monday nights. I have ballet on Monday nights. We are getting ready to do the Nutcracker. On Wednesdays I have another ballet class -- where I pulled my ham string.
On an academic level..... I am totally stressed out about this essay I have to write for English. I am not finished with it ahead of time and it's killing me. I haven't even started my second section of Psychology responses!! I have to lead the group discussion in Psyc next Friday and I am not prepared!! My group has not gotten together to plan and complete our respective research! We have no materials that we can tell the class to read! I hate my Spanish class. I need a shower. I have to sew my dress for Chorus! My mom thinks that telling me about everythign I ahve to do helps to motivate me, but in reality it only freezes my mind and body with stress and agony and makes me incapable of getting anything accomplished.
I am so worried about what to do for college next year. I feel like the Lord is leading me to stay here for a year but then I'm terrified of what repercussions this choice might have. Brian hates the corps and wants to go to West Georgia for the division 1 cheerleading. He'd be so good at it.... he could flourish there! But then he said he might stay here in the corps another year for me.... and that just eats me up with guilt and pressure because now I feel like my choice of colleges MAY inhibit what he really really wants. I'm scared. Now Dr. Broman wants me to me in La Belle Voche! And Dr. Smith wants me to apply for the honor's program! And......ahh... I'm involved in all of these different things and everyone at the different ends of my world all want all of me! I just don't have all of me to give. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to pursue and what to let go. I don't know how to cope! TO make matters worse I now have this physical injury to deal with. I can't deal with physical injury right now. My karate test is coming up for my black belt. I have to write numberous papers for this and completely a lengthy itenerary. Not to mention all of this I also have to fill out college applications.
Oh god............. help! Why did you have to put me on my period right now. I could handle all of this a lot better if my uterous wasn't shedding it's lining into my underpants! UGG.
Please pray for me. I'm having a break down! I don't want stress in my life.
I just made an executive decision. I am dropping Algebra!