(no subject)
"Blair's Conversation With Herself" -- Written and Directed By Stephanie Ferguson
Self #1: *Mature, quiet and firm tone* Come now...Dear, you know exactly what this is all about. This is stupidity and we've been over this time and time again. Dear...Dear! Are you paying attention, Dear?
Self #2: *fingers in ears* WAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!
Self #1: Dear! Listen to me! Are you listening?
Self #2: LAAA laaaaa laaaaa!!! I'm not listening to you...you poo poo head!
Self #1: You're being rude. Now pay attention...all reason and sense tells you to stop this nonsense immediately. So lets just take a deep breaa---
Self #2: I like pink umbrellas!! I eat silly heads like you for supper. Where's my elbow? Oh! There it is! Silly elbow! LAaaa lAAAAH!
Self #1: I'm about to loose my patience with you!
Self #2: *mimicking* "I'm about to loose my patience with you!" I'm not listening!
And so it went...on and on...and as you can see I've decided that I will break with my silence. If it's any consolation, my hair smells like Aqua Net. Gag. It's 1:00 in the morning. I am more beautiful than Drew...STILL...wow, such amazing potential to be the world's next Miss Spectacularious. And now I will tell you a gripping tale. 400 sizzling chapters. A searing indictment of domestic servitude in the 18th century, with some hot gypsies thrown in. My magnum opus.
Chapter 399.9
"Once upon a time...long long ago there was a small red car, fondly known to its dear friends as 'Sam'. Not many people are lucky enough to have names as short as 'Sam'...even Sam was not so lucky because, children, 'Sam' is short for 'The Crimson Sandwich'. Crimson becuase it was, and a Sandwich because it left a trail of bread crumbs behind it as it went along so that it could find its way home when its mother and father tried to loose it in the woods. This worked perfectly well for a time until some fat kid came along and ate the freakin trail! This left Sam and its passangers up the creek without a paddle...or rather...in the middle of Charleston, SC with Steph at the wheel...which is just as bad. I am telling you this story now because I lived. Others were not so fortunate. Then there were some hot gypsies thrown in. The died. Moving on... So as they drove along they passed a certain inn. One of the passangers had noticed the inn the first five times they had gone around the block except THIS TIME...DUN DUN DAAAA....the inn became a rift in time and all of the occupants of Sam went hurtling into the 18th century. [Really?] Uh huh. [Are you serious?] Umm...no. I'm just kidding. Ok ok...so here's the thing folks. This story goes no where. I can sum it up like this...we drove around, we almost died, we shot some moose, we almost lost a few members of the crew to a black hole known as Barnes and Noble and then...then we all drowned in the waters of the red sea with out horses and our charriots and our arses out the windy!"
Chapter 400
Well... in the words of one very silly Shakespearian man... "When the players are all dead..." and I forgot the rest. It was some weird way of saying "there are no more people to blame!" And that's sums it all right up there nice and deep like.
The Lord bless and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and give you rest.
Blair Schermerhorn
Self #1: *Mature, quiet and firm tone* Come now...Dear, you know exactly what this is all about. This is stupidity and we've been over this time and time again. Dear...Dear! Are you paying attention, Dear?
Self #2: *fingers in ears* WAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!
Self #1: Dear! Listen to me! Are you listening?
Self #2: LAAA laaaaa laaaaa!!! I'm not listening to you...you poo poo head!
Self #1: You're being rude. Now pay attention...all reason and sense tells you to stop this nonsense immediately. So lets just take a deep breaa---
Self #2: I like pink umbrellas!! I eat silly heads like you for supper. Where's my elbow? Oh! There it is! Silly elbow! LAaaa lAAAAH!
Self #1: I'm about to loose my patience with you!
Self #2: *mimicking* "I'm about to loose my patience with you!" I'm not listening!
And so it went...on and on...and as you can see I've decided that I will break with my silence. If it's any consolation, my hair smells like Aqua Net. Gag. It's 1:00 in the morning. I am more beautiful than Drew...STILL...wow, such amazing potential to be the world's next Miss Spectacularious. And now I will tell you a gripping tale. 400 sizzling chapters. A searing indictment of domestic servitude in the 18th century, with some hot gypsies thrown in. My magnum opus.
Chapter 399.9
"Once upon a time...long long ago there was a small red car, fondly known to its dear friends as 'Sam'. Not many people are lucky enough to have names as short as 'Sam'...even Sam was not so lucky because, children, 'Sam' is short for 'The Crimson Sandwich'. Crimson becuase it was, and a Sandwich because it left a trail of bread crumbs behind it as it went along so that it could find its way home when its mother and father tried to loose it in the woods. This worked perfectly well for a time until some fat kid came along and ate the freakin trail! This left Sam and its passangers up the creek without a paddle...or rather...in the middle of Charleston, SC with Steph at the wheel...which is just as bad. I am telling you this story now because I lived. Others were not so fortunate. Then there were some hot gypsies thrown in. The died. Moving on... So as they drove along they passed a certain inn. One of the passangers had noticed the inn the first five times they had gone around the block except THIS TIME...DUN DUN DAAAA....the inn became a rift in time and all of the occupants of Sam went hurtling into the 18th century. [Really?] Uh huh. [Are you serious?] Umm...no. I'm just kidding. Ok ok...so here's the thing folks. This story goes no where. I can sum it up like this...we drove around, we almost died, we shot some moose, we almost lost a few members of the crew to a black hole known as Barnes and Noble and then...then we all drowned in the waters of the red sea with out horses and our charriots and our arses out the windy!"
Chapter 400
Well... in the words of one very silly Shakespearian man... "When the players are all dead..." and I forgot the rest. It was some weird way of saying "there are no more people to blame!" And that's sums it all right up there nice and deep like.
The Lord bless and keep you. The Lord make his face to shine upon you and give you rest.
Blair Schermerhorn