The Vow of Silence...
Has lasted three days.
It's torture.
I've called in sick for work before, but it's merely to remedy a bad day with the kids. I usually spend my well deserved 'off' day doing things i'm too lazy to do after school.
I've been stuck in bed & can't do anything because i have the flu.
Although, Bo's entire family thinks i have the black plague & therefore i am not allowed to leave the room. In fact, if i want to leave the house for any reason i must use the back door.
It's understandable...Bo's grandma's cancer has come back so while she is doing her chemo, she is extremely vulnerable.
I can't talk.
Literally.
Which can explain the journal.
My voice is gone & it's starting to take it's toll on me. It sounds stupid, but i really want to talk to someone. I'm tired of signing the things i need. Now, one would think that the sign language classes i've been taking would come in handy, but not if the people around you don't understand what you're doing with your hands.
I've also really wanted to continue with my journal. I just keep coming up with excuses to not get on. I don't find myself on the computer as often as i used to before the demanding job. Now the things i used to do don't seem so important...but they are.
They're so important because they keep me sane.
I make it a point to never bring my work related problems home with me, but sometimes i can't help it. So many teachers have conformed to teaching the same thing every semester, every year.
I don't want to be one of those teachers.
I'm an art teacher.
If i just stop caring, like the other art teacher i work with, then i've failed. And although i still get a paycheck, there's going to be some new graduate with bigger & better ideas ready to take my job. Besides, i don't know if i want to be a teacher forever, but i know that right now it's a lot of fun & very interesting.
It's interesting to see that people never change. The people i work with...even though i don't know each one personally or even at all, i can still see groups & jealousy & even hatred within our yellow & red walls. I have always stayed neutral...even in high school. I figure if i just smile & say "good morning" "How are you" or even "have a good weekend" I genuinely mean it & i think people pick up on that. I've noticed that the older teachers are very rude, but every morning i still say 'good morning' & instead of the usually ugly face (or even no acknowledgment at all) they're starting to smile back.
Tacky...i know. But true.
Those fucking kids can really crawl on your skin, but i was just blessed with patience. It's my cross to bear. Besides it's kind of hard to hate these middle school kids when they remind you of how hard middle school really was. At least for me it was. I guess with my young age i can still relate.
Okay...so now i feel better.
I don't feel so voiceless anymore.
It's torture.
I've called in sick for work before, but it's merely to remedy a bad day with the kids. I usually spend my well deserved 'off' day doing things i'm too lazy to do after school.
I've been stuck in bed & can't do anything because i have the flu.
Although, Bo's entire family thinks i have the black plague & therefore i am not allowed to leave the room. In fact, if i want to leave the house for any reason i must use the back door.
It's understandable...Bo's grandma's cancer has come back so while she is doing her chemo, she is extremely vulnerable.
I can't talk.
Literally.
Which can explain the journal.
My voice is gone & it's starting to take it's toll on me. It sounds stupid, but i really want to talk to someone. I'm tired of signing the things i need. Now, one would think that the sign language classes i've been taking would come in handy, but not if the people around you don't understand what you're doing with your hands.
I've also really wanted to continue with my journal. I just keep coming up with excuses to not get on. I don't find myself on the computer as often as i used to before the demanding job. Now the things i used to do don't seem so important...but they are.
They're so important because they keep me sane.
I make it a point to never bring my work related problems home with me, but sometimes i can't help it. So many teachers have conformed to teaching the same thing every semester, every year.
I don't want to be one of those teachers.
I'm an art teacher.
If i just stop caring, like the other art teacher i work with, then i've failed. And although i still get a paycheck, there's going to be some new graduate with bigger & better ideas ready to take my job. Besides, i don't know if i want to be a teacher forever, but i know that right now it's a lot of fun & very interesting.
It's interesting to see that people never change. The people i work with...even though i don't know each one personally or even at all, i can still see groups & jealousy & even hatred within our yellow & red walls. I have always stayed neutral...even in high school. I figure if i just smile & say "good morning" "How are you" or even "have a good weekend" I genuinely mean it & i think people pick up on that. I've noticed that the older teachers are very rude, but every morning i still say 'good morning' & instead of the usually ugly face (or even no acknowledgment at all) they're starting to smile back.
Tacky...i know. But true.
Those fucking kids can really crawl on your skin, but i was just blessed with patience. It's my cross to bear. Besides it's kind of hard to hate these middle school kids when they remind you of how hard middle school really was. At least for me it was. I guess with my young age i can still relate.
Okay...so now i feel better.
I don't feel so voiceless anymore.