Won't this empty feeling leave me?
It rained on Saturday. I loved every minute of it.
My classes are wonderful, I'm trying to meet new people, yet nothing is happening. I've managed to push away the one person that actually loved me for who I was and was willing to help me. I pushed him away. Now I have a feeling that he will never forgive me, he will never want to talk to me all because of some petty bullshit. It's my fault. Now i'm debating if I should call and apologize then re-offer my friendship. Right now I feel so undeserving. So here I sit staring blankly at empty shelves, wishing that the library closed at 7 so that right now I could be at home hiding my sorrows beneath my blankets, laying in silence waiting for my cell phone to ring. Instead i'm here at my desk, pretending to shift through Government document lists, pretending that I'm fine and that I really don't want to run into the bathroom to sob. I'm hoping that my journal would provide me with some sort of comfort, considering that I have not updated in a while. Hoping that an empty block of computer space would help me forget the events of today and yesterday, I will continue to publish my feelings either on-line or in my paper journal until I feel a bit better or until I find somebody who will actually listen and not judge.
My classes are wonderful, I'm trying to meet new people, yet nothing is happening. I've managed to push away the one person that actually loved me for who I was and was willing to help me. I pushed him away. Now I have a feeling that he will never forgive me, he will never want to talk to me all because of some petty bullshit. It's my fault. Now i'm debating if I should call and apologize then re-offer my friendship. Right now I feel so undeserving. So here I sit staring blankly at empty shelves, wishing that the library closed at 7 so that right now I could be at home hiding my sorrows beneath my blankets, laying in silence waiting for my cell phone to ring. Instead i'm here at my desk, pretending to shift through Government document lists, pretending that I'm fine and that I really don't want to run into the bathroom to sob. I'm hoping that my journal would provide me with some sort of comfort, considering that I have not updated in a while. Hoping that an empty block of computer space would help me forget the events of today and yesterday, I will continue to publish my feelings either on-line or in my paper journal until I feel a bit better or until I find somebody who will actually listen and not judge.