just when i think things couldn't get worse for me.. they do.
.. i feel like everything i count on is just dissapearing, quickly.
it's been some of the roughest months.. i am just glad i have some great friends that i can really count on.. i've tried to be strong about everything, but everytime i calm down it's something else.. i can't seem to find any peace and quiet..
a few months ago my dad lost his job. my dad is the best person i know, i count on him so much, and he has never let me down. and when things are bad for him i can't handle it. he keeps getting let down with job plans falling through. he had his hopes on a SC or FL job.. but all of them have been filled. i had finally gotten my head around moving there for the summers, but it doesn't seem like that will happen.. either way we have to move.. i hate to see my dad stressed out, he looks like he aged 10 years in 10 months..
then i lost a really good friendship.. not that had been good for the last few months, but i guess i just wasn't prepared to lose the whole thing. i thought ok we can't be roomates, i didn't think o we can't be friends.. but i guess the lack of caring caught up..
it might sound stupid to some.. but my cat was one of the most important things in my life. i am so attatched to him.. and now hes gone. i counted on him too.. and i am heartbroken. i don't even like to think about it, because im so fucking bitter about it. it was only a week after my fish (who has been with me since the first day of college) was murdered.. and now tubbys gone. it doesn't even seem possible to me. he was so unique and special, he was so sweet. and he was my own first cat, and i wasn't ready for him to go, especially like that, young and in pain.. and i wasn't even there for him because i was here. i couldn't even be there to be with him.
now pheobe's going the same way, cancer.. in the throught. what are the chances? both these cat's are YOUNG and were JUST healthy.. they told us o its a tooth infection.. and now she's going to be put to sleep too. we never have cats who have gone this young, ever. they all live to be like scary old ages.. finnys like almost as old as me and looks like death and he's outliving everyone. its weird how these things work out.
i feel like everything i am proud of is being taken away, and i have nothing left. and no energy left to fight it.
don't comment me with pitty, i didn't post this for that. i just needed to get it out. i can't talk about it with anyone in full like that. and it's all i can think about.
it's been some of the roughest months.. i am just glad i have some great friends that i can really count on.. i've tried to be strong about everything, but everytime i calm down it's something else.. i can't seem to find any peace and quiet..
a few months ago my dad lost his job. my dad is the best person i know, i count on him so much, and he has never let me down. and when things are bad for him i can't handle it. he keeps getting let down with job plans falling through. he had his hopes on a SC or FL job.. but all of them have been filled. i had finally gotten my head around moving there for the summers, but it doesn't seem like that will happen.. either way we have to move.. i hate to see my dad stressed out, he looks like he aged 10 years in 10 months..
then i lost a really good friendship.. not that had been good for the last few months, but i guess i just wasn't prepared to lose the whole thing. i thought ok we can't be roomates, i didn't think o we can't be friends.. but i guess the lack of caring caught up..
it might sound stupid to some.. but my cat was one of the most important things in my life. i am so attatched to him.. and now hes gone. i counted on him too.. and i am heartbroken. i don't even like to think about it, because im so fucking bitter about it. it was only a week after my fish (who has been with me since the first day of college) was murdered.. and now tubbys gone. it doesn't even seem possible to me. he was so unique and special, he was so sweet. and he was my own first cat, and i wasn't ready for him to go, especially like that, young and in pain.. and i wasn't even there for him because i was here. i couldn't even be there to be with him.
now pheobe's going the same way, cancer.. in the throught. what are the chances? both these cat's are YOUNG and were JUST healthy.. they told us o its a tooth infection.. and now she's going to be put to sleep too. we never have cats who have gone this young, ever. they all live to be like scary old ages.. finnys like almost as old as me and looks like death and he's outliving everyone. its weird how these things work out.
i feel like everything i am proud of is being taken away, and i have nothing left. and no energy left to fight it.
don't comment me with pitty, i didn't post this for that. i just needed to get it out. i can't talk about it with anyone in full like that. and it's all i can think about.