birthday fic for heartlock: 準備好了(zhun bei hao le)
Title: 準備好了(zhun bei hao le)
Author: pinefir
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yesung/Siwon
Genre: drama
Warning: character death and unbetaed :(
Words: 2992
Summary: We have got in touch over the sky of the universe. More and more makes less forgettable.
A/N: 準備好了-I’m ready.
For heartlock . Happy belated birthday, although this is far from a happy fic.
“Why are you breaking up with me?” Jongwoon quietly asked Siwon whose back was currently turned to him. It was a warm night in Seoul, that and the magnificent of the Banpo bridge did nothing to make him feel okay. Siwon bent down, picking up some rocks and proceeded to throw them at the river. Jongwoon didn’t let his eyes leave the back of his boyfriend who was busy skipping rocks.
“Just forget about me,” Siwon says in a low voice. If Jongwoon’s attention was somewhere else, he wouldn’t have heard it. Jongwoon pursed his lips and sat on the grass, he would’ve hugged Siwon and pleaded, but he was a man like Siwon too. Although he badly wanted to cling on Siwon, his pride won’t let him.
“Give me a reason to forget you,” Jongwoon says
.
Siwon turns around and smiles at him, Jongwoon is temporarily distracted. Siwon was wearing a white long-sleeved sweater, and white pants, to Jongwoon, he looks like an angel. Surely, he thinks, he can’t forget a man like this.
“I’m not perfect,” Siwon says, to which Jongwoon replies in his mind, yes, you are fucking perfect. “So it would be really easy to forget me,” he says with an apologetic bow. “Plus, you’re such a child, hyung. You’ve been too dependent on me. When will you ever grow up?”
Jongwoon stands up and walks determinedly towards Siwon. “You are an idiot, Choi Siwon,” he grits out as he punches his boyfriend.
Siwon stumbles a bit, and he lifts his hands to his jaw, his tongue darts out to his lips and he winces as he feels the sting.
Jongwoon sees the cut on Siwon’s lips, but he couldn’t care less as he was trying to shake his hand in order to get rid of the sting.
“Let me take you home,” Siwon offers. Jongwoon sneers at him.
“I have my own car,” Jongwoon says, and with that he turns around and walks in the direction where his car was parked.
Siwon smiles serenely, watching Jongwoon walk away from him. This is what he wanted. But he frowns when he sees Jongwoon walking back towards him.
“Are you gonna punch me again?” he asks Jongwoon cheekily, with one eye closed. Jongwoon glares at him, before throwing something hard at him. It was a plastic turtle, and it was heavy, it would’ve broken with the sheer intensity Jongwoon has thrown it ,save for Siwon catching it right before it hits the ground. “What is this?”
“Take it,” Jongwoon patiently says. “Take it and give it to whatever whore you’ve now hooked up with.”
Siwon looks at the toy turtle and his smile drops down a bit. “Don’t call me. Don’t meet up with me.”
“I won’t,” Jongwoon bites back.
“But you can talk to me online,” Siwon says.
Jongwoon raises his eyebrows and looks at him sceptically, this jerk. “As if I need to talk to you,” and again, he turns back around and makes his way for his car. A safe six feet from where Siwon was standing, he lets out the tears he’s been holding. He berates himself for crying but he congratulates himself for being strong in front of Siwon, it was the least he could do. He walks faster, not wanting to be in the same breathing space as his now ex-boyfriend, Siwon. He finally reaches his car, and he yanks open the door, and without a second look, steps on the pedals and drives without stopping.
Siwon looks at Jongwoon who clearly wanted to get out. When he’s sure that Jongwoon is nothing but a speck, he looks at the turtle in his hands. He toys with it and admires it, all he while, ignoring the pain that was growing in his chest. It looks brand new, Jongwoon has obviously taken care of it, he thinks with a smile. He feels the pain travel to his lower regions, and he raises his left arm up.
11:00 pm, it said so on his cracked watch. Against the pale moonlight, he can see wounds forming on his skin, opening up and oozing with blood. He can feel his knees start to weaken, and buckle under his weight and so he stumbles on his way to his car which was looking like it just went through an accident.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Time is up.
Jongwoon comes home with a migraine and a dry throat. He wasn’t the type to drink his sorrows away so it doesn’t really come as a surprise. He plops himself down on the sofa and sighs, hands feeling his face. He feels like he got older over the few hours he’s been driving around the city aimlessly.
He turns on the tv, and he’s not surprised to see it on a news channel. Some shots of a car getting wrecked near the Han River, and police people investigating, it was kind of hard not to assume that there was an accident.
The accident was said to have occurred at around 10:55 in the evening. The body has yet to be identified since , and then Yesung turned the tv off, he didn’t need to hear about losses.
He stood up and went to his bedroom, and his eyes fall on his turtle . “Ddangkoma,” he cooes, and the turtle does not answer. It never does. He sighs and proceeds to pull his socks off. His mind briefly wanders to the car accident he’s seen on the news and he wonders about Siwon. Is he okay, he asks himself. I hope he dies, the bitter part of him replies, and he can’t help but shiver.
He goes to his desk and opens his computer, determined to write songs, squeeze something out of his misery. It’s something he has learned from growing up, turning things into opportunities. He wasn’t about to let himself being dumped become a reason for him not to write songs. He was hurt, and for most people, it’s enough reason to slack off, but he thinks it’s stupid to let this pass by. Never has he been this pained enough to shed tears, surely he can get a passionate song out of his feelings. Waiting for the program to load, an msn notification windows pops up and he clicks on it.
ChoiSW: you’re home safely
ChoiSW: yey :D
Dtothedangkoma: I wish I could say the same for you.
ChoiSW: ….?
Dtothedangkoma: Do you know how much I wish for you to be the one who got into an accident earlier?
ChoiSW: D:
Dtothedangkoma: is that what your whore taught you now? Making cute smiley emoticons…
ChoiSW: D: D:
Dtothedangkoma: go away I’m working
ChoiSW: you wound me. You really do TT.TT sobs.
Dtothedangkoma: look at who’s the child now.
And then Jongwoon closes the window, but he pauses when he sees Siwon’s display picture, it was a picture of the toy turtle. He smiles, oddly amused, and comforted at the fact that Siwon’s display picture is their “love-child”.
It was 3 in the morning and Jongwoon is frustrated. He’s a bridge away from song completion and he would never forgive himself if he goes to bed without finishing the song. He feels that the song would seem disjointed if he slept on it, and so before he could stop himself, he clicks on his msn and looks for a familiar name. He is mildly surprised when he sees ChoiSW with a green circle next to it.
Dtothedangkoma: hey why are u still up?
ChoiSW: I was waiting for you to go offline.
Jongwoon frowns.
Dtothedangkoma: psh. Let me remind you that you broke up with me.
Dtothedangkoma: anyways, I need your help. I’m a bridge away from this song and I want to finish it.
ChoiSW: you don’t need my help, jongwoon.
Dtothedangkoma: dumbass. I need your opinion.
ChoiSW: trust me, you don’t. you’re a songwriter, and a great one at that, you don’t need a mere mortal’s help.
Dtothedangkoma: ur pissing me off.
ChoiSW: if it makes you feel better, i’ll stay online til you finish your song.
Dtothedangkoma: you fucking better do that, not after what you did to me.
7 am and Jongwoon just finished writing his song. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do, it’s a nice enough skeleton, and he can do the finishing touches later he thinks as he yawns, his eyelids getting to heavy for him to resist.
Dtothedangkoma: you’re still up or have you been sleeping and cheating on me?
ChoiSW: just reading my bible :D
Dtothedangkoma: I’m going to sleep. You go to sleep now too.
ChoiSW: have sweet dreams.
Siwon said Jongwoon was too dependent on him, and he finally understands what he means when he finds himself going online and looking for Siwon’s username on msn. He sighs in relief when he sees the familiar green circle next to ChoiSW. If Siwon was anything in the world, Jongwoon is sure that he isn’t a liar. The guy is being honest when he said he’s always online.
Dtothedangkoma: you.
ChoiSW: me.
Dtothedangkoma: I made a demo. Listen to it.
ChoiSW: :/ where.
Dtothedangkoma: here’s the link http://mediafire.com/elihef7430394
ChoiSW: you don’t need me to tell you that you’re good.
Dtothedangkoma: well if you don’t wanna listen to it then fine.
And then he went offline. Jongwon needed opinion, because outsiders give the most unbiased opinion, it makes sense that he seeks Siwon’s opinion. Some would argue that Siwon is not an outsider, but he’s never been confident enough to let other people aside from Siwon hear his compositions. Again with his dependency on Siwon, he shakes his head as he listens to his song on repeat.
The two sides that are faraway separated, love flies in everyone's thoughts
It doesn’t matter even if the wind stops
Just since you at one time said
Everything will be ok
I am ready.
I’m always online.
When Jongwoon finds out that his song is to be translated in Chinese and to be given to JJ Lin months later, he finds himself jumping with glee. This is probably his biggest break yet, and he can’t wait to tell Siwon, after all, whether he liked it or not , Siwon has been a big help to him.
His months of composing and refining the song were long and hard to bear, but he managed to cope with Siwon’s online presence. He reflects back on those mornights( morning-midnight) that he had to spend looking for the right note, the right syllable, and realizes that he couldn’t have done it without him. Siwon might have dumped him, but it didn’t feel that way for Jongwoon. Their constant chats and friendly bickering were doing a good job of letting him believe that he and Siwon were still together.
Jongwoon likes going online for that reason. Online, he can pretend that Siwon’s just in China or in Japan where he couldn’t pick up his calls. But when he goes offline, he feels himself break a little, because he’s not online, and the reality that Siwon has broken up with him suddenly becomes too real for him.
Dtothedangkoma: JJLin’s gonna sing my song!!!!!! I’m so happy Siwon.
ChoiSW: I told you that you can do it.
Dtothedangkoma: of course I can
Jongwon smugly types back, and proceeds to close the window. He would’ve thanked him, but he wasn’t grateful enough to overcome his feelings of bitterness. He wishes that instead of celebrating online with Siwon, they could just meet up. But Siwon never shows up anyway.
“To Jongwoon and his big break!” his officemate drunkenly slurs as he forces a shot in Jongwoon’s hand.
Everyone around him was celebrating for his song’s success. Apparently JJ Lin has gotten the song to the top of the charts in China and Taiwan, which only meant success on his part.
“I can’t drink,“ he meekly refuses.
“Nonsense, loosen up a bit!” another officemate says as he thumps Jongwoon on the back. And then finally, Jongwoon acquiesces. He lifts the shotglass to his lips,and drinks its contents without topping.
He looks to his left, and sees Siwon smiling at him, and raising a glass in congratulations. He smiles back, and at this point, he doesn’t care whether Siwon was real or his imagination only. He was too happy to care, and he thinks it’s time that he finally accept that Siwon will never come back. What he and Siwon had, was something beautiful and obviously irreplaceable. But, he finds Siwon right, he should learn how to move on.
And so he resolves, that tomorrow, he’ll visit Siwon in his house, so that he can say goodbye to him without bitterness, and thank him fully for all the things he’s done for him.
Jongwoon knocks nervously on the door to Siwon’s house, shifting his laptop from one hand to another. He figures that he should stop by
Siwon’s house first and have their talk before he goes to work. When no one seems to be coming to answer the door (not even Siwon’s parents) , he decides to just use a spare key. He was about to slide the key into the door when it suddenly opens on it’s own. Weird.
His eyes land on the bare living room, and he’s puzzled as to why the furniture are gone, save for a lone table and chair in the middle of the room.
“Mrs. Choi?” he calls out. “Mr. Choi?”
He walks around for a bit, noticing that there were a few things left in the house, but they were all covered with white blankets. That was odd. He goes back to the living room and places his laptop on the table, opening it. He sees the ever present green circle next to Siwon’s name.
Dtothedangkoma: where r u?
He patiently waits for an answer, when he suddenly gets shocked when he hears a ping near him, and his eyes immediately land on the other side of the table. The laptop that he didn’t notice was there before suddenly lit up.
ChoiSW: next to you
He feels his insides grow cold, and suddenly he has a feeling that he’s not alone in the seemingly empty house.
Dtothedangkoma: I’m serious . where r u?
Another ping, the laptop lighting up again.
ChoiSW is typing…
But he can’t hear typing sounds.
ChoiSW: It’s true, I’m always next to you.
He’s scared now, and he wants to speak out loud, and ask Siwon where he was hiding, tell him it’s not funny, shout at him. But he can’t. He can’t open his mouth. Not when he sees the toy turtle sitting on the chair. He picks it up, and then he notices, that the toy turtle was sitting on a an envelope of some sort.
Dread and bile coming up his throat, he reaches for the envelope and prepares himself for the worst.
Man found dead in a car crash in Han River.
Car accident near Han River.
Various newsclipping of car accidents during the night Siwon has broken up with him. He is tempted to stop pulling out papers, but something tells him to continue.
He pulls out pictures.
Pictures of the accident scene.
Siwon was wearing a white, long sleeved shirt and white pants, the same clothes he wore when he broke up with him. He pulls another paper, and sees it as his death certificate.
Time of death: 10:55 pm
Location: Near Han River.
Jongwoon can feel himself weaken, and he wants to turn away, pinch himself, do anything to make himself think that this is a bad dream. He can’t be dead. Siwon can’t be dead. He can’t be. He can’t be. He can’t be. He can’t be dead, because Jongwoon talked with him. Siwon broke up with him.
He is scared.
Jongwoon is scared out of his wits. A normal man would run screaming about ghosts, but he wasn’t normal. Nor was the situation normal. He still can’t wrap his mind around Siwon being dead. A ping sends him out of his reverie and he looks back at his laptop.
ChoiSW: jongwoon, i’m tired.
ChoiSW: I have to go.
ChoiSW: I would’ve left earlier, but I can’t bear to leave you.
ChoiSW: forget me okay?
ChoiSW: >:D<
ChoiSW: accept my virtual hug
ChoiSW: it’s the least I can do >:D<
ChoiSW: I wish to hug you again, but…
Jongwoon can feel tears running down his cheeks. Siwon. Siwon never left him. He looks at the toy turtle, and asks himself as he hears the continuous arrival of messages, Siwon is that you? The toy doesn’t answer, because it’s only a toy.
ChoiSW: I know I made you sad….
ChoiSW: but I had to do it for you.
ChoiSW: smile jongwoon :> you look good when you smile :D
ChoiSW: I’ll be leaving…
ChoiSW: and I’m not sure I’ll be back…
ChoiSW: but I love you.
ChoiSW: I always do.
ChoiSW: don’t cry anymore!
ChoiSW: it’s time for me to go.
ChoiSW: bye <3~~~
ChoiSW is now offline.
Jongwoon later finds out that Siwon really did die in that accident, and he finds it out the hard way, when he finds that a haunting gray circle has replaces the green circle next to Siwon’s username.
But that doesn’t stop him from typing messages to him.
Dtothedangkoma: I just read your message
Dtothedangkoma: it just sunk in
Dtothedangkoma: thank you
Dtothedangkoma: I love you
Dtothedangkoma: I won’t be a burden anymore.
Dtothedangkoma: I’ll change myself.
Dtothedangkoma: don’t worry about me.
Dtothedangkoma: goodbye.
ChoiSW is offline.
Jongwoon sucks in a deep breath to calm himself down, and then, presses delete contact.
Siwon may be deleted on his contact list, but he’ll never be forgotten.
Deleting him from the contact list, was something he had to do. It was something to show the world, that he is now ready.
Author: pinefir
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yesung/Siwon
Genre: drama
Warning: character death and unbetaed :(
Words: 2992
Summary: We have got in touch over the sky of the universe. More and more makes less forgettable.
A/N: 準備好了-I’m ready.
For heartlock . Happy belated birthday, although this is far from a happy fic.
“Why are you breaking up with me?” Jongwoon quietly asked Siwon whose back was currently turned to him. It was a warm night in Seoul, that and the magnificent of the Banpo bridge did nothing to make him feel okay. Siwon bent down, picking up some rocks and proceeded to throw them at the river. Jongwoon didn’t let his eyes leave the back of his boyfriend who was busy skipping rocks.
“Just forget about me,” Siwon says in a low voice. If Jongwoon’s attention was somewhere else, he wouldn’t have heard it. Jongwoon pursed his lips and sat on the grass, he would’ve hugged Siwon and pleaded, but he was a man like Siwon too. Although he badly wanted to cling on Siwon, his pride won’t let him.
“Give me a reason to forget you,” Jongwoon says
.
Siwon turns around and smiles at him, Jongwoon is temporarily distracted. Siwon was wearing a white long-sleeved sweater, and white pants, to Jongwoon, he looks like an angel. Surely, he thinks, he can’t forget a man like this.
“I’m not perfect,” Siwon says, to which Jongwoon replies in his mind, yes, you are fucking perfect. “So it would be really easy to forget me,” he says with an apologetic bow. “Plus, you’re such a child, hyung. You’ve been too dependent on me. When will you ever grow up?”
Jongwoon stands up and walks determinedly towards Siwon. “You are an idiot, Choi Siwon,” he grits out as he punches his boyfriend.
Siwon stumbles a bit, and he lifts his hands to his jaw, his tongue darts out to his lips and he winces as he feels the sting.
Jongwoon sees the cut on Siwon’s lips, but he couldn’t care less as he was trying to shake his hand in order to get rid of the sting.
“Let me take you home,” Siwon offers. Jongwoon sneers at him.
“I have my own car,” Jongwoon says, and with that he turns around and walks in the direction where his car was parked.
Siwon smiles serenely, watching Jongwoon walk away from him. This is what he wanted. But he frowns when he sees Jongwoon walking back towards him.
“Are you gonna punch me again?” he asks Jongwoon cheekily, with one eye closed. Jongwoon glares at him, before throwing something hard at him. It was a plastic turtle, and it was heavy, it would’ve broken with the sheer intensity Jongwoon has thrown it ,save for Siwon catching it right before it hits the ground. “What is this?”
“Take it,” Jongwoon patiently says. “Take it and give it to whatever whore you’ve now hooked up with.”
Siwon looks at the toy turtle and his smile drops down a bit. “Don’t call me. Don’t meet up with me.”
“I won’t,” Jongwoon bites back.
“But you can talk to me online,” Siwon says.
Jongwoon raises his eyebrows and looks at him sceptically, this jerk. “As if I need to talk to you,” and again, he turns back around and makes his way for his car. A safe six feet from where Siwon was standing, he lets out the tears he’s been holding. He berates himself for crying but he congratulates himself for being strong in front of Siwon, it was the least he could do. He walks faster, not wanting to be in the same breathing space as his now ex-boyfriend, Siwon. He finally reaches his car, and he yanks open the door, and without a second look, steps on the pedals and drives without stopping.
Siwon looks at Jongwoon who clearly wanted to get out. When he’s sure that Jongwoon is nothing but a speck, he looks at the turtle in his hands. He toys with it and admires it, all he while, ignoring the pain that was growing in his chest. It looks brand new, Jongwoon has obviously taken care of it, he thinks with a smile. He feels the pain travel to his lower regions, and he raises his left arm up.
11:00 pm, it said so on his cracked watch. Against the pale moonlight, he can see wounds forming on his skin, opening up and oozing with blood. He can feel his knees start to weaken, and buckle under his weight and so he stumbles on his way to his car which was looking like it just went through an accident.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
Time is up.
Jongwoon comes home with a migraine and a dry throat. He wasn’t the type to drink his sorrows away so it doesn’t really come as a surprise. He plops himself down on the sofa and sighs, hands feeling his face. He feels like he got older over the few hours he’s been driving around the city aimlessly.
He turns on the tv, and he’s not surprised to see it on a news channel. Some shots of a car getting wrecked near the Han River, and police people investigating, it was kind of hard not to assume that there was an accident.
The accident was said to have occurred at around 10:55 in the evening. The body has yet to be identified since , and then Yesung turned the tv off, he didn’t need to hear about losses.
He stood up and went to his bedroom, and his eyes fall on his turtle . “Ddangkoma,” he cooes, and the turtle does not answer. It never does. He sighs and proceeds to pull his socks off. His mind briefly wanders to the car accident he’s seen on the news and he wonders about Siwon. Is he okay, he asks himself. I hope he dies, the bitter part of him replies, and he can’t help but shiver.
He goes to his desk and opens his computer, determined to write songs, squeeze something out of his misery. It’s something he has learned from growing up, turning things into opportunities. He wasn’t about to let himself being dumped become a reason for him not to write songs. He was hurt, and for most people, it’s enough reason to slack off, but he thinks it’s stupid to let this pass by. Never has he been this pained enough to shed tears, surely he can get a passionate song out of his feelings. Waiting for the program to load, an msn notification windows pops up and he clicks on it.
ChoiSW: you’re home safely
ChoiSW: yey :D
Dtothedangkoma: I wish I could say the same for you.
ChoiSW: ….?
Dtothedangkoma: Do you know how much I wish for you to be the one who got into an accident earlier?
ChoiSW: D:
Dtothedangkoma: is that what your whore taught you now? Making cute smiley emoticons…
ChoiSW: D: D:
Dtothedangkoma: go away I’m working
ChoiSW: you wound me. You really do TT.TT sobs.
Dtothedangkoma: look at who’s the child now.
And then Jongwoon closes the window, but he pauses when he sees Siwon’s display picture, it was a picture of the toy turtle. He smiles, oddly amused, and comforted at the fact that Siwon’s display picture is their “love-child”.
It was 3 in the morning and Jongwoon is frustrated. He’s a bridge away from song completion and he would never forgive himself if he goes to bed without finishing the song. He feels that the song would seem disjointed if he slept on it, and so before he could stop himself, he clicks on his msn and looks for a familiar name. He is mildly surprised when he sees ChoiSW with a green circle next to it.
Dtothedangkoma: hey why are u still up?
ChoiSW: I was waiting for you to go offline.
Jongwoon frowns.
Dtothedangkoma: psh. Let me remind you that you broke up with me.
Dtothedangkoma: anyways, I need your help. I’m a bridge away from this song and I want to finish it.
ChoiSW: you don’t need my help, jongwoon.
Dtothedangkoma: dumbass. I need your opinion.
ChoiSW: trust me, you don’t. you’re a songwriter, and a great one at that, you don’t need a mere mortal’s help.
Dtothedangkoma: ur pissing me off.
ChoiSW: if it makes you feel better, i’ll stay online til you finish your song.
Dtothedangkoma: you fucking better do that, not after what you did to me.
7 am and Jongwoon just finished writing his song. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do, it’s a nice enough skeleton, and he can do the finishing touches later he thinks as he yawns, his eyelids getting to heavy for him to resist.
Dtothedangkoma: you’re still up or have you been sleeping and cheating on me?
ChoiSW: just reading my bible :D
Dtothedangkoma: I’m going to sleep. You go to sleep now too.
ChoiSW: have sweet dreams.
Siwon said Jongwoon was too dependent on him, and he finally understands what he means when he finds himself going online and looking for Siwon’s username on msn. He sighs in relief when he sees the familiar green circle next to ChoiSW. If Siwon was anything in the world, Jongwoon is sure that he isn’t a liar. The guy is being honest when he said he’s always online.
Dtothedangkoma: you.
ChoiSW: me.
Dtothedangkoma: I made a demo. Listen to it.
ChoiSW: :/ where.
Dtothedangkoma: here’s the link http://mediafire.com/elihef7430394
ChoiSW: you don’t need me to tell you that you’re good.
Dtothedangkoma: well if you don’t wanna listen to it then fine.
And then he went offline. Jongwon needed opinion, because outsiders give the most unbiased opinion, it makes sense that he seeks Siwon’s opinion. Some would argue that Siwon is not an outsider, but he’s never been confident enough to let other people aside from Siwon hear his compositions. Again with his dependency on Siwon, he shakes his head as he listens to his song on repeat.
The two sides that are faraway separated, love flies in everyone's thoughts
It doesn’t matter even if the wind stops
Just since you at one time said
Everything will be ok
I am ready.
I’m always online.
When Jongwoon finds out that his song is to be translated in Chinese and to be given to JJ Lin months later, he finds himself jumping with glee. This is probably his biggest break yet, and he can’t wait to tell Siwon, after all, whether he liked it or not , Siwon has been a big help to him.
His months of composing and refining the song were long and hard to bear, but he managed to cope with Siwon’s online presence. He reflects back on those mornights( morning-midnight) that he had to spend looking for the right note, the right syllable, and realizes that he couldn’t have done it without him. Siwon might have dumped him, but it didn’t feel that way for Jongwoon. Their constant chats and friendly bickering were doing a good job of letting him believe that he and Siwon were still together.
Jongwoon likes going online for that reason. Online, he can pretend that Siwon’s just in China or in Japan where he couldn’t pick up his calls. But when he goes offline, he feels himself break a little, because he’s not online, and the reality that Siwon has broken up with him suddenly becomes too real for him.
Dtothedangkoma: JJLin’s gonna sing my song!!!!!! I’m so happy Siwon.
ChoiSW: I told you that you can do it.
Dtothedangkoma: of course I can
Jongwon smugly types back, and proceeds to close the window. He would’ve thanked him, but he wasn’t grateful enough to overcome his feelings of bitterness. He wishes that instead of celebrating online with Siwon, they could just meet up. But Siwon never shows up anyway.
“To Jongwoon and his big break!” his officemate drunkenly slurs as he forces a shot in Jongwoon’s hand.
Everyone around him was celebrating for his song’s success. Apparently JJ Lin has gotten the song to the top of the charts in China and Taiwan, which only meant success on his part.
“I can’t drink,“ he meekly refuses.
“Nonsense, loosen up a bit!” another officemate says as he thumps Jongwoon on the back. And then finally, Jongwoon acquiesces. He lifts the shotglass to his lips,and drinks its contents without topping.
He looks to his left, and sees Siwon smiling at him, and raising a glass in congratulations. He smiles back, and at this point, he doesn’t care whether Siwon was real or his imagination only. He was too happy to care, and he thinks it’s time that he finally accept that Siwon will never come back. What he and Siwon had, was something beautiful and obviously irreplaceable. But, he finds Siwon right, he should learn how to move on.
And so he resolves, that tomorrow, he’ll visit Siwon in his house, so that he can say goodbye to him without bitterness, and thank him fully for all the things he’s done for him.
Jongwoon knocks nervously on the door to Siwon’s house, shifting his laptop from one hand to another. He figures that he should stop by
Siwon’s house first and have their talk before he goes to work. When no one seems to be coming to answer the door (not even Siwon’s parents) , he decides to just use a spare key. He was about to slide the key into the door when it suddenly opens on it’s own. Weird.
His eyes land on the bare living room, and he’s puzzled as to why the furniture are gone, save for a lone table and chair in the middle of the room.
“Mrs. Choi?” he calls out. “Mr. Choi?”
He walks around for a bit, noticing that there were a few things left in the house, but they were all covered with white blankets. That was odd. He goes back to the living room and places his laptop on the table, opening it. He sees the ever present green circle next to Siwon’s name.
Dtothedangkoma: where r u?
He patiently waits for an answer, when he suddenly gets shocked when he hears a ping near him, and his eyes immediately land on the other side of the table. The laptop that he didn’t notice was there before suddenly lit up.
ChoiSW: next to you
He feels his insides grow cold, and suddenly he has a feeling that he’s not alone in the seemingly empty house.
Dtothedangkoma: I’m serious . where r u?
Another ping, the laptop lighting up again.
ChoiSW is typing…
But he can’t hear typing sounds.
ChoiSW: It’s true, I’m always next to you.
He’s scared now, and he wants to speak out loud, and ask Siwon where he was hiding, tell him it’s not funny, shout at him. But he can’t. He can’t open his mouth. Not when he sees the toy turtle sitting on the chair. He picks it up, and then he notices, that the toy turtle was sitting on a an envelope of some sort.
Dread and bile coming up his throat, he reaches for the envelope and prepares himself for the worst.
Man found dead in a car crash in Han River.
Car accident near Han River.
Various newsclipping of car accidents during the night Siwon has broken up with him. He is tempted to stop pulling out papers, but something tells him to continue.
He pulls out pictures.
Pictures of the accident scene.
Siwon was wearing a white, long sleeved shirt and white pants, the same clothes he wore when he broke up with him. He pulls another paper, and sees it as his death certificate.
Time of death: 10:55 pm
Location: Near Han River.
Jongwoon can feel himself weaken, and he wants to turn away, pinch himself, do anything to make himself think that this is a bad dream. He can’t be dead. Siwon can’t be dead. He can’t be. He can’t be. He can’t be. He can’t be dead, because Jongwoon talked with him. Siwon broke up with him.
He is scared.
Jongwoon is scared out of his wits. A normal man would run screaming about ghosts, but he wasn’t normal. Nor was the situation normal. He still can’t wrap his mind around Siwon being dead. A ping sends him out of his reverie and he looks back at his laptop.
ChoiSW: jongwoon, i’m tired.
ChoiSW: I have to go.
ChoiSW: I would’ve left earlier, but I can’t bear to leave you.
ChoiSW: forget me okay?
ChoiSW: >:D<
ChoiSW: accept my virtual hug
ChoiSW: it’s the least I can do >:D<
ChoiSW: I wish to hug you again, but…
Jongwoon can feel tears running down his cheeks. Siwon. Siwon never left him. He looks at the toy turtle, and asks himself as he hears the continuous arrival of messages, Siwon is that you? The toy doesn’t answer, because it’s only a toy.
ChoiSW: I know I made you sad….
ChoiSW: but I had to do it for you.
ChoiSW: smile jongwoon :> you look good when you smile :D
ChoiSW: I’ll be leaving…
ChoiSW: and I’m not sure I’ll be back…
ChoiSW: but I love you.
ChoiSW: I always do.
ChoiSW: don’t cry anymore!
ChoiSW: it’s time for me to go.
ChoiSW: bye <3~~~
ChoiSW is now offline.
Jongwoon later finds out that Siwon really did die in that accident, and he finds it out the hard way, when he finds that a haunting gray circle has replaces the green circle next to Siwon’s username.
But that doesn’t stop him from typing messages to him.
Dtothedangkoma: I just read your message
Dtothedangkoma: it just sunk in
Dtothedangkoma: thank you
Dtothedangkoma: I love you
Dtothedangkoma: I won’t be a burden anymore.
Dtothedangkoma: I’ll change myself.
Dtothedangkoma: don’t worry about me.
Dtothedangkoma: goodbye.
ChoiSW is offline.
Jongwoon sucks in a deep breath to calm himself down, and then, presses delete contact.
Siwon may be deleted on his contact list, but he’ll never be forgotten.
Deleting him from the contact list, was something he had to do. It was something to show the world, that he is now ready.