Why?
So i just wrote an entry and dumb tayr tayr's puter lost it... so w.e... im jus going to rewrite the parts that i remember and that i want to still post
I'm over tayrn and she truley is an amazing person. I am so lucky to have so many amazing and caring friends... without all of ur love and support i seriously think i would be lost right now. My mother was the most important thing in the world to me. I know to some people that it seemed like i really didn't care for my mom... that i always bitched about her or complained about her but i fucking loved her more then anything in this whole entire world. I was afraid to see her getting sicker... i couldn't deal with the fact that every time i saw my mom she would get worse... but thursday was so much different... thursday she looked healthy and happy and i told her how much she meant to me and how much i loved her and that the only reason i didn't see her was because i was scared for her and for me i was scared that i was going to loose my mommy. And unfortuanatly i did loose my mommy. When everyone signed that book and u guys gave it to me today i just realized how amazing everyone is... u guys really are my life support and i dont think u will realize how important u all are in my life right now. I could NEVER do this alone and thank u for making me realize that i wont be alone
It still hasn't registered that my mom is actually gone… like I don’t really think that it will ever register that my mom died. I don’t think I will ever be able to accept the fact that I am never ever seeing her again. I just still think that my mom is at the nursing home waiting for me to come see her… waiting for me to call her… waiting to be able to walk again… waiting to be able to come home and be with me…. I was waiting for my mom to walk again… I was waiting for my mom to get better again… I was waiting for my mom to come home again… I still am waiting… I will always be waiting for my mom to come home… I miss her so much and it has only been three days… ive spent these past three days have been spent in a complete daze… im so emotionally and mentally and physically drained… all I want to do is go home and sleep in my bed and cry and cry and cry;… its hard to come to school and laugh… it takes so much energy to laugh… so much energy to smile now but I know that is what my mom would want me to do… she would want me to be brave and smile and laugh with my friends even though she isn’t here any more… but its so hard to go on… its so hard to laugh and really really laugh without guilt or sorrow or pain… If I didn’t have friends I would be so alone and so lost right now and u guys are the best friends in the whole entire world and I thank God that I have friends like you guys.
I pray every single day even before my mom died I would still pray. Now when I pray I use a little thing and I ask God why he took my mom away from me. I just pray for an answer. I pray for me to know why I don’t have a mom anymore. God why did you take her away.. did u feel that I was strong enough to go on without her, because im really not that strong God…. Did you think that I would be able to handle not being loved by my mother because I really really need my moms love God. I really really need her to hold me just one more time…I really need to see her smile just one more time… I really need to hear her laugh and see her face just one more time and I really need to feel her love just one more time I just miss her so so so much… God I only have one question for you and I only question one decision that you ever made…. Why did you take my mommy away?
I'm over tayrn and she truley is an amazing person. I am so lucky to have so many amazing and caring friends... without all of ur love and support i seriously think i would be lost right now. My mother was the most important thing in the world to me. I know to some people that it seemed like i really didn't care for my mom... that i always bitched about her or complained about her but i fucking loved her more then anything in this whole entire world. I was afraid to see her getting sicker... i couldn't deal with the fact that every time i saw my mom she would get worse... but thursday was so much different... thursday she looked healthy and happy and i told her how much she meant to me and how much i loved her and that the only reason i didn't see her was because i was scared for her and for me i was scared that i was going to loose my mommy. And unfortuanatly i did loose my mommy. When everyone signed that book and u guys gave it to me today i just realized how amazing everyone is... u guys really are my life support and i dont think u will realize how important u all are in my life right now. I could NEVER do this alone and thank u for making me realize that i wont be alone
It still hasn't registered that my mom is actually gone… like I don’t really think that it will ever register that my mom died. I don’t think I will ever be able to accept the fact that I am never ever seeing her again. I just still think that my mom is at the nursing home waiting for me to come see her… waiting for me to call her… waiting to be able to walk again… waiting to be able to come home and be with me…. I was waiting for my mom to walk again… I was waiting for my mom to get better again… I was waiting for my mom to come home again… I still am waiting… I will always be waiting for my mom to come home… I miss her so much and it has only been three days… ive spent these past three days have been spent in a complete daze… im so emotionally and mentally and physically drained… all I want to do is go home and sleep in my bed and cry and cry and cry;… its hard to come to school and laugh… it takes so much energy to laugh… so much energy to smile now but I know that is what my mom would want me to do… she would want me to be brave and smile and laugh with my friends even though she isn’t here any more… but its so hard to go on… its so hard to laugh and really really laugh without guilt or sorrow or pain… If I didn’t have friends I would be so alone and so lost right now and u guys are the best friends in the whole entire world and I thank God that I have friends like you guys.
I pray every single day even before my mom died I would still pray. Now when I pray I use a little thing and I ask God why he took my mom away from me. I just pray for an answer. I pray for me to know why I don’t have a mom anymore. God why did you take her away.. did u feel that I was strong enough to go on without her, because im really not that strong God…. Did you think that I would be able to handle not being loved by my mother because I really really need my moms love God. I really really need her to hold me just one more time…I really need to see her smile just one more time… I really need to hear her laugh and see her face just one more time and I really need to feel her love just one more time I just miss her so so so much… God I only have one question for you and I only question one decision that you ever made…. Why did you take my mommy away?