(no subject)
Life seems to be good...Last week was a bad week though... A lot of crying for somereason.
I have a problem... I have a huge body image problem... and I'm sure that's normal for being fat like me but it goes even deeper... I think I just realized it when I was talking with dan... I always get mad...or angry when I see other "Hot" girls when I'm with him... It's pathetic... I just feel so jealous like... he's getting turned on by them or like they're just better then me because I will never be "Hot"...Like I've already come to the revalation that I will never be "hot"...even if I do loose weight ... this mental image of me being ugly has been permently been burned into my skull... i'm sick of hearing "you have a really pretty face" So.... what, i have "hot" potential but because I'm not a size 8 I'm just considered pretty... well my face is... I don't think I will ever be beautiful because being beautiful consists of more than just your looks... it's how you carry yourself and how u feel about yourself and I think I look hideous... my body anyway... and I know ... well do something about it... but it's just this whole thing... like motavation... I'm just so down about my body that i don't even think loosing weight will help... and I know once I start eating better... exercising and stuff I will start feeling better but right now i feel like shit and that is like the only thing that really pisses off dan... I get so upset when we talk about a girl who is better looking then me... mostly meaning thinner than me... I mean I'm the fattest person in our grade... and it makes me feel like shit... and so ugly and just blahness... blahness blahness blahness
i guess thats my daily complant and daily ranting....
later
I have a problem... I have a huge body image problem... and I'm sure that's normal for being fat like me but it goes even deeper... I think I just realized it when I was talking with dan... I always get mad...or angry when I see other "Hot" girls when I'm with him... It's pathetic... I just feel so jealous like... he's getting turned on by them or like they're just better then me because I will never be "Hot"...Like I've already come to the revalation that I will never be "hot"...even if I do loose weight ... this mental image of me being ugly has been permently been burned into my skull... i'm sick of hearing "you have a really pretty face" So.... what, i have "hot" potential but because I'm not a size 8 I'm just considered pretty... well my face is... I don't think I will ever be beautiful because being beautiful consists of more than just your looks... it's how you carry yourself and how u feel about yourself and I think I look hideous... my body anyway... and I know ... well do something about it... but it's just this whole thing... like motavation... I'm just so down about my body that i don't even think loosing weight will help... and I know once I start eating better... exercising and stuff I will start feeling better but right now i feel like shit and that is like the only thing that really pisses off dan... I get so upset when we talk about a girl who is better looking then me... mostly meaning thinner than me... I mean I'm the fattest person in our grade... and it makes me feel like shit... and so ugly and just blahness... blahness blahness blahness
i guess thats my daily complant and daily ranting....
later