(no subject)
I have ripped a tear into the fog aforementioned. I am back on track losing weight and should see the 120's before the end of this month. Yes.
I had decided to go for an uber cheat day on Valentine's Day but I am reconsidering for the sake of my diet. My little cheats every day are enough to mess me up week by week. I don't want to get set back yet AGAIN. So I still plan on going to Golden Corral but I will most likely just cheat by eating fattier proteins like steak and marinated chicken and maybe grab some buttery veggies and salads. Sounds like a plan.
I want to go to the gym tonight. My blood sugar has just been spiked by D'Lites and I have the energy for now to get my ass there. I'll probably just end up doing some sit ups and calling it a very early evening. This is a hint to yourself that you should do not what you expected to do.
Hmm, hmm, hmmm what else? Juan, haha. I don't even want to begin about him. I don't want to write my blurbs about this prospect only to have those words as distant memories scattered across a computer screen later on when the physical is gone like most others. I am having so much fun with him because not only is he a passionate little Bolivian spitfire but he's sexy as fuck and we're so on the same level when it comes to certain things. At work, no one would even suspect we see each other on the outside and for some reason I LOVE that. No one would even suspect. If we came out and admitted our attraction people would be flabbergasted and for some reason I want it to stay under wraps. But also I want to grab him in the middle of a party and punish his mouth and show everyone. We flirt and do little things in secret and I just find so much suspense and fun in that. And when we kiss, it's passionate, it's teasing, it's sultry. He's hard to figure out but I--for the first time--like not knowing and I have had an easy time not over analyzing anything. He's gentleman enough to not push the sex but naughty enough to dance on the lines--paying careful attention to not crossing them. And those looks, those eyes. He knows exactly what to do with that face. So much so that I envy it because I can't do the same.
He's got game, he's got swag and he's got enough pride to make it seem like he cares if I am interested in someone else. He just jealous enough but it's not really a jealousy out of him liking me in particular but rather due to pride. The same here though I do like him particularly. He's great at teasing me into thinking about us dating but reminding me that we won't go there because we don't need that conflict right now. It's just amazing and I don't want to like this so much but I can't help it. He's got me rethinking my game and my outlook on life. BUT at the same time, he's human. He's normal and makes mistakes just as I do and is therefore not superior to anyone and yet he is.
I love the challenge of showing him I'm interested in solely him in front of our peers while hiding it from them what I'm doing. I love the cold sweats I get if I feel our cover is about to be blown. Ok I don't love them but they are nice in hindsight and as long as our cover doesn't get blown. And if it does, I accept it. If our situation dwindles away, well that is something I will just have to expect. If we take things to a physical level then...... I don't know. I currently oscillate about that. He'd be the first in Gainesville and if we stopped talking afterwords then I would have to be okay with that. And part of me is certain that out of anyone, he'd deserve to be that first just because of the fun and brand newness he has brought into my life. But again, in hindsight my regrets may be visible when before the deed is done they are disguised as wants. But I have been in tougher situations and I know I won't be depressed or dead if things don't go my way. But for now, this is fun. And I want to keep this fun going as long as I possibly can because of the way it makes me feel.
In other news, gotta get the expensive procedure of wisdom teeth extraction on Monday, the cobalt fixed on Tuesday because some girl hit me on the front end, and possibly make a trip to Tampa to see Niki.
wish me luck! with everything. I need it!
McL
Rest In Peace
Mercedes
1988-2002
I need you right now
I had decided to go for an uber cheat day on Valentine's Day but I am reconsidering for the sake of my diet. My little cheats every day are enough to mess me up week by week. I don't want to get set back yet AGAIN. So I still plan on going to Golden Corral but I will most likely just cheat by eating fattier proteins like steak and marinated chicken and maybe grab some buttery veggies and salads. Sounds like a plan.
I want to go to the gym tonight. My blood sugar has just been spiked by D'Lites and I have the energy for now to get my ass there. I'll probably just end up doing some sit ups and calling it a very early evening. This is a hint to yourself that you should do not what you expected to do.
Hmm, hmm, hmmm what else? Juan, haha. I don't even want to begin about him. I don't want to write my blurbs about this prospect only to have those words as distant memories scattered across a computer screen later on when the physical is gone like most others. I am having so much fun with him because not only is he a passionate little Bolivian spitfire but he's sexy as fuck and we're so on the same level when it comes to certain things. At work, no one would even suspect we see each other on the outside and for some reason I LOVE that. No one would even suspect. If we came out and admitted our attraction people would be flabbergasted and for some reason I want it to stay under wraps. But also I want to grab him in the middle of a party and punish his mouth and show everyone. We flirt and do little things in secret and I just find so much suspense and fun in that. And when we kiss, it's passionate, it's teasing, it's sultry. He's hard to figure out but I--for the first time--like not knowing and I have had an easy time not over analyzing anything. He's gentleman enough to not push the sex but naughty enough to dance on the lines--paying careful attention to not crossing them. And those looks, those eyes. He knows exactly what to do with that face. So much so that I envy it because I can't do the same.
He's got game, he's got swag and he's got enough pride to make it seem like he cares if I am interested in someone else. He just jealous enough but it's not really a jealousy out of him liking me in particular but rather due to pride. The same here though I do like him particularly. He's great at teasing me into thinking about us dating but reminding me that we won't go there because we don't need that conflict right now. It's just amazing and I don't want to like this so much but I can't help it. He's got me rethinking my game and my outlook on life. BUT at the same time, he's human. He's normal and makes mistakes just as I do and is therefore not superior to anyone and yet he is.
I love the challenge of showing him I'm interested in solely him in front of our peers while hiding it from them what I'm doing. I love the cold sweats I get if I feel our cover is about to be blown. Ok I don't love them but they are nice in hindsight and as long as our cover doesn't get blown. And if it does, I accept it. If our situation dwindles away, well that is something I will just have to expect. If we take things to a physical level then...... I don't know. I currently oscillate about that. He'd be the first in Gainesville and if we stopped talking afterwords then I would have to be okay with that. And part of me is certain that out of anyone, he'd deserve to be that first just because of the fun and brand newness he has brought into my life. But again, in hindsight my regrets may be visible when before the deed is done they are disguised as wants. But I have been in tougher situations and I know I won't be depressed or dead if things don't go my way. But for now, this is fun. And I want to keep this fun going as long as I possibly can because of the way it makes me feel.
In other news, gotta get the expensive procedure of wisdom teeth extraction on Monday, the cobalt fixed on Tuesday because some girl hit me on the front end, and possibly make a trip to Tampa to see Niki.
wish me luck! with everything. I need it!
McL
Rest In Peace
Mercedes
1988-2002
I need you right now