what now?
Well im offically lost right now. i dont know where im going, what im doing, and i dont know what the fuck is going on!! i mean the only thing that was keeping me together was Alysha and now i dont have that and i am so gone!! i dont know what happened...its like i wasnt good enough or if i just was so overpowering...or i was just unworthly. i really dont know what to do anymore.
Damn!! i am so confused and so wishing to die!! i really am worth nothing if she doesnt feel anything for me after we separated...like everything is normal and nothing happened(crying). i really love her!! she was my first love and i miss her so much....but i cant have her. its like your standing on an island and the boat that was going to rescue you sails anyway without you and your stuck wondering why and how couldnt i do something better....for a lifetime.
i just love her some much and i think that if we were on different sercum stances it would have been different...these being: me being older, kelly, my stupidness, and basically me in general!! i think that i am just not good enough for her....because i just dont think that she really did care or did love me she wouldnt just crush my heart like that. this hurts and i dont know if i have hurted more inn my whole life... cause she was worth everything to me and bit of time of mine.
But this is not as sad as it seems because there is a dim light at the end of the tunnel. when we broke up i made her a promise...that we will always be friends no matter if she gets married and has one or two kids and im on the outside looking in, or if i find someone and she still loves me. We are really young sweetie and i know what you mean...but i love you and you love me isnt that enough to keep us going...isnt that enough bring you back to me. i know that we have had our ups and downs and that we need to slow down in our relationship but i love you so very much and you mean so much to me that i dont want it to end...i dont want us to be 30 years old and apart... i want to be with you and thats it. You say that your not perfect but you are the perfect one for me. I love you baby!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3
But i dont want you to do something that you dont want to do ya know...and i dont want you to be in a mid-life crisis...where you have 2 kids and divourced and wondering why this happenned to you. But you can know one thing...that i love you!! that i always have and always will!! and you say that we are to young and that we wont work in the long run...but just give us a shot... i know that we will have our ups and downs...our fights and our love making!! but no matter how bad it my seems...or how bad you want to quit...and how bad you hate me at sometimes...just know that we love each other and that we can work through it and that we are here for each other... together!!! <3 <3 <3
Baby i dont want you to feel trapped and i dont want you to feel like i am trying to control you because im not! I want you to have fun in college i want you to do whatever the hell you want in college...college is your time..college is your time in your life where you can get drunk...do drugs and just get wild with anyone your want(but do leave me out of that shit i want in!!)!!! i want you to go to college knowing that you have someone that loves you...and someone that is in love with you...and someone who cares about you....me!!! what i dont want is you feeling like you need to hold back in college...do whatever the hell you want...but just know two things...one, i want in i mean seriously...and two, that you shouldnt go searching for something or someone that could be...when you know that i love you and that i was always here!! <3 <3
Im sorry that i was such an asshole to you sweetie...and i wish that i could have been better...but i tired my hardest. every second i was with you i always wanted you to have fun...i always wanted you to be you... for you to be the real Alysha that i feel in love with....and the real Alysha that i am still in love with!!! I love you Aly!!! and always will!!!
P.S. that was the most i have ever written!! but it is the truth and it is the way i truly feel!!
I LOVE YOU ALY!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
Damn!! i am so confused and so wishing to die!! i really am worth nothing if she doesnt feel anything for me after we separated...like everything is normal and nothing happened(crying). i really love her!! she was my first love and i miss her so much....but i cant have her. its like your standing on an island and the boat that was going to rescue you sails anyway without you and your stuck wondering why and how couldnt i do something better....for a lifetime.
i just love her some much and i think that if we were on different sercum stances it would have been different...these being: me being older, kelly, my stupidness, and basically me in general!! i think that i am just not good enough for her....because i just dont think that she really did care or did love me she wouldnt just crush my heart like that. this hurts and i dont know if i have hurted more inn my whole life... cause she was worth everything to me and bit of time of mine.
But this is not as sad as it seems because there is a dim light at the end of the tunnel. when we broke up i made her a promise...that we will always be friends no matter if she gets married and has one or two kids and im on the outside looking in, or if i find someone and she still loves me. We are really young sweetie and i know what you mean...but i love you and you love me isnt that enough to keep us going...isnt that enough bring you back to me. i know that we have had our ups and downs and that we need to slow down in our relationship but i love you so very much and you mean so much to me that i dont want it to end...i dont want us to be 30 years old and apart... i want to be with you and thats it. You say that your not perfect but you are the perfect one for me. I love you baby!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3
But i dont want you to do something that you dont want to do ya know...and i dont want you to be in a mid-life crisis...where you have 2 kids and divourced and wondering why this happenned to you. But you can know one thing...that i love you!! that i always have and always will!! and you say that we are to young and that we wont work in the long run...but just give us a shot... i know that we will have our ups and downs...our fights and our love making!! but no matter how bad it my seems...or how bad you want to quit...and how bad you hate me at sometimes...just know that we love each other and that we can work through it and that we are here for each other... together!!! <3 <3 <3
Baby i dont want you to feel trapped and i dont want you to feel like i am trying to control you because im not! I want you to have fun in college i want you to do whatever the hell you want in college...college is your time..college is your time in your life where you can get drunk...do drugs and just get wild with anyone your want(but do leave me out of that shit i want in!!)!!! i want you to go to college knowing that you have someone that loves you...and someone that is in love with you...and someone who cares about you....me!!! what i dont want is you feeling like you need to hold back in college...do whatever the hell you want...but just know two things...one, i want in i mean seriously...and two, that you shouldnt go searching for something or someone that could be...when you know that i love you and that i was always here!! <3 <3
Im sorry that i was such an asshole to you sweetie...and i wish that i could have been better...but i tired my hardest. every second i was with you i always wanted you to have fun...i always wanted you to be you... for you to be the real Alysha that i feel in love with....and the real Alysha that i am still in love with!!! I love you Aly!!! and always will!!!
P.S. that was the most i have ever written!! but it is the truth and it is the way i truly feel!!
I LOVE YOU ALY!!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3