(no subject)

Jan 12, 2005 23:19

fuck. i never update this thing.

i am really missing milwaukee right now. i don't know what it is... maybe the abundance of communication with sophie is causing this ache. i miss that girl to no end, and she makes me miss milwaukee. i miss being free from the barriers set by parentals, yet, also free from real responsibility. all i had to do was wake up on time and get homework done. now- i have to wake up in time for a crummy job, pay my bills on time, and pay more bills on time.

i miss being carefree.

last night was a weird night for drew and i. its crazy how a dream you have in the middle of the night can affect you and your emotions for the rest of the day, if not longer. but tonight we drank chai, and read the newspaper together. we slowly but surely began to talk about the root of the dream, and the fears that come along with it. when i dropped him off at his place tonight he kissed me in a way he never has. i think we have reached a new level. a new level of comfort, security, trust and understanding. i like this level... and i like the kisses that come with it.

i lost my grandfather on sunday night. he is of a different bloodline, race, and religion. but he is my grandfather. he is the most intelligent and benevolent man i have ever met. never once, in the 10 years he has been in my life, have i heard one soul say a hateful word in his direction. he held two doctorates. one in mathematics and the other philosophy. he could answer any question you threw at him (the answer sometimes honest, and correct... while other times something just to make you laugh). at 83 years old, he led one of the most fulfilled lives imaginable. he never let a day go to waste. at his funeral, people of multiple religions gathered to say farwell. it was one of the most beautiful moments i have ever witnessed. phone calls flooded his home from around the world to express their sorrow on his answering machine. while i'm "okay" with his death, its still hard to grasp the idea that come my birthday- i won't recieve a beautiful card with the most eloquent well wishes for me (written in both english and arabic). nor will i be able to greet him at the door with a handshake, hug and kiss on the cheek. always those three. never more, never less.
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