i hate drinking
let me start off by saying fuck...just because i really like that word and it fits alot of moods. i really need to stop drinking, i fucking hate it so much...i just get in that mindset where i say this will help, it will make yu feel better, and i drink drink drink until i cant drink anymore. last night i got really plastered and started talking to my best friends girlfriend about love...weird...i think i dozed off while she was talking, oops, then i layed in the grass for a while...that shit is really comfortable when yur drunk, and ended up sleeping on the bathroom floor which i didnt know until i woke up at 9 this morning on a hard floor. ya know when yur a teenager yu think its so cool to go out and get drunk or get stoned or snort pills or whatever it is yu like to do...and ive had experience with all of these, its not fuckin worth it. i make myself think that its gonna take that pain away or keep me from thinking about depressing shit but it fuckin dosnt...it might for a little while, but god damnit it comes back to kick yur ass so fuckin bad, it will eat yu the fuck alive. it only suppresses things, the only real way i can deal with things is to use my fuckin head and just suck it up. man it is hard as hell to do though, its so much easier to just drink it all away every night than to have to deal with things, but things will never get better that way. and things have got to get better...im not drinkin for the wrong reasons anymore, even is i have to read this shit everyday to remind myself...im not drinkin for the wrong reasons anymore!