FUCK FUCK FUCK
did anyone hear the new carrie underwood song?? let me paraphrase,,, "i dont wanna spend my life jaded, waiting, to wake up one day and find, that i let allt hese years go by wasted. ........ i aint spending no more time.. wasted" Yea.. so great in theory, i feel the same way. In fact, if were being brutally honest, i would liove to take on the same outllok on life. but for the normal person that facts are this. allthat shit is easier said then done. for example, i know im wasting my time.. continuing to be in love with someone who i never should have fallen in love with in the first place. and who clearly has decided that contrary to original bellief.. he actually doesnt love me.... he was just wasting my time, letting me fall in love with him, so he could break my heart into thpusands of little pieces. FUCK. do i know how stupid, fooolish, dumb that I am being.??? of fucking course i do. but i cant fall out of love with him no matter how hard i try. hes beautiful, lovely and 100% wrong for me... FUCK FUCK FUCK. i never even meant to fall in love with him.... it was never part of plan... but hpw could i help myself...?? hes lovely...
however it seems loveliness is misleading. i am so stupid. so blind that even when hes an asshole.. i look at him and only see lovely.. what the FUCK is wrong with me..? like reaalllly??? why do i let him do this to me. why do i let him break my heeart again and again... every fucking day.. he breaks my heart. i am begining to wonder if i will ever be okay again???