Please read for me!
Please read for me!
So the past two weeks I was working with this play, and this past weekend we performed twice for anyone who wished to come. The play was a Freeworks which is an FSU commissioned show that students submit scripts that they would like to have a chance to perform and well the one I happened to be in was actually written by an FSU student. In my honest opinion it was the most pitiful disgusting display of theatre I have ever been a part of. The script relied an incredible amount on shock value, and didn’t really have much going for it, and the acting wasn’t much to scream about. So anyways, I figured that shouldn’t be so hard, I am going to attempt to write my own script, and maybe I will submit it next semester to do as a Freeworks. So here it is, the beginnings of my script. It is really choppy and I would say at about 25% now, but I think I have something going here. Please please please, if you have the time read it, tell me what you think. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. Maybe you could even come be in it or something.
Scene one:
Josh’s family is all sitting around the table getting ready for dinner, genuine happiness and exchanges between them. It is around the holidays… grandpa reaches for a turkey leg and grandma consequently slaps his hand away, buzz lowers and the family gathers around and calls for someone to say grace.
Grandma: (rather forcefully to Grandpa) dear.
Grandpa: (grandpa apparently doesn’t want to give the blessing but after a stare from Grandma starts in unwillingly…) dear lord we thank you for this food and all you have brought us, we ask this holiday season to keep all the children safe, may Tiffany do well in her ballet recital, in her play, and in her further schooling… (scoffing) and may Joshua find his way back in state for his further schooling.
Anne (Josh’s mother): because lord knows his parents can’t afford it.
Family: AMEN
(the family sits down to eat, passing bowls, commotion starts up as Joshua turns around facing the audience, noise of family lowers but movement does not)
Josh: Sometimes I just wonder if it were better that I had no dreams- That I had no fire in my belly. I mean you think about it, if you don’t want anything better than what you get, then you won’t ever be upset with anything that comes your way. Humbleness is a virtue, and well, it is a little late for me I guess. My head is full of so many impossible dreams, and as you can imagine, having a lot of dreams makes failure pretty easy to come by… I’m away at college now. I finished high school with a nothing-to-gawk-about 3.86, I am male middle class and white, and all of the above don’t really have scholarship committees throwing money at my feet. But despite, against my parent’s wishes, I took the trip to an out of state school. No one can ever put into words the feeling of actually going to college. High schoolers walk around totally oblivious to the shock that awaits them when they realize their mothers aren’t there anymore to do their laundry… (giving a coy smile, embarrassed laugh) well, I um still take mine home to my mother, … whatever, the fact is I can’t even put the shock of going to college into words now. It is like when you start to really enjoy life, the high school comfort rug is ripped right out from under your feet and hopefully if you are lucky enough maybe you’ll fall into the top ten percentile of your class and actually go to a college you want… for the rest, well, most of their dreams are killed before they can even catch their breath. (turns back around, noise raises)
Tiffany: (magna excitement) Grandpa! Did you know that Florida used to be covered with water??? And a whole lot of the United States too Paw Paw.
Josh: (mockingly, under his breath) Grandpa did you know that Florida used to be blah blah blah blah. (scoffing) That’s my cousin Tiffany; child prodigy, carbon copy of her mother Jeanne, and to my family a biting reminder of my wasted potential.
Tom: (excitedly) and tell him what you learned about the amoeba Tiff!
Josh: That’s my Uncle Tom. He likes to flaunt what he teaches Tiffany at school, yeah she’s a home-schooled child, yes indeed the perfect little robot.
Tiffany: The Amoeba eats through its skin paw paw! That’s called osmosis. It is so totally awesome, but grandpa, my favorite is the PARAMECIUM!
Josh: needless to say, she doesn’t get out much. (Shifting attention back to family) Hey um Grandpa, I’m sorry I didn’t come to Church tonight, I was really busy.
Grandpa: (obviously upset) oh, well it isn’t me you have to apologize to, maybe you can fit your savior into your schedule next week.
John (Josh’s father): (looking to change the subject as he sees his son is suffering) so pop, I heard you didn’t like the new priest, Father Kelvin, he seems to have come in and turned the whole church upside down huh?
Grandpa: I’ll tell you John, that man needs to jump on the next boat back to Ireland. (passionately, quite out of character) I hate that man. (coming back to) He is pulling the church apart and he is taking me along with him. (a devious smile spreads) But I got him today.
Anne: (suspiciously) Daddy, what did you do?
Grandpa: well I went to confession today, and I heard that snakes voice behind the screen; and I… gave up a heart filled story about how much I hate the new father, as if I didn’t know it was him, I told him how that new guy was just a disgusting display of a church leader, and if I was of right age, I’d kick him out myself.
Jeanne: Daddy!? No you couldn’t have!
Grandpa: (proudly) I sure did. I received ten Hail Mary’s, and an Our Father for it, but man was it worth it. I mean how am I supposed to get my children back in the Church when men like that are put in charge.
Josh: (to audience) my aunt Jeanne left the church years ago when her and my uncle Tom got married. It tore my grandparents to pieces, and even to this day they still have hope that they will make their way back to Catholicism.
Grandma: (bursting at the seams) Well dear ummm… (quickly as if not to be understood) I invited him to dinner next week after mass.
Grandpa: (dry angered) you what?
Grandma: well sweetheart you see he um… the other day at church the ladies and I were talking and Father wandered over and he let it be know to us that won’t be going back to Ireland for the holidays, and well me missing the bizarre last week, I felt like I had some making up to do, so um (ashamed) I said he could come spend some time with us.
Grandpa: (throwing down his napkin as if too flustered to eat, grabbing for words) Bernadette I don’t know what in devil… how could you… son of a no good… that man is evil… inviting Satan himself to our Christmas dinner… pull the church apart, suuuuree, Hell, pull my family apart!
(commotion; all the while the family is getting up to help comfort Grandpa trying to sit him down)
Josh: (To audience) this should be interesting.
Some scenes later--- I don’t know
Family again is getting ready for a dinner
Josh: So I made it to Church this time and witnessed the commotion that is Father Kelvin by my own eyes. He commanded his church like a nazi would a classroom, and every person there felt like a mere third grader with enough pinned up anger at this man to kick-start a third world war. His homily focused on those twice a year Catholics; the ones that come on Easter and Christmas, as if twice a year would save their damned souls, and those of us who need to make time for mass each week. Apparently Grandma had a word or two with him about me not making it to Church and consequently every time he’d bring up the fires of hell that awaits those who can’t make it to mass, he’d give a good glare in my direction. (mockingly Irish) “Reform needs to come from within your heart,” he said. How ironic that he spoke of reform coming from within to bring unpracticing Catholics back to the church, when the single action of starting within and yanking him out would no doubt bring a good number of the people that left when he arrived right back in.
(this part I have to work, ultimately it will go something along these lines:
Father arrives is introduced, they begin to eat, the entire family is apparently feeling quite awkward, grandpa makes a few cutting remarks as they pass the dishes around…)
Father: Jeanne did you happen to make it to mass tonight? I don’t believe I saw you there.
Grandma: well father um Jeanne doesn’t exactly…
Jeanne: (cutting in) what my mother is trying to say is I left the Catholic Church years ago with my husband, we were looking for something a little more (holier than thou) spiritual. We found the Southern Baptist Church to suit all our spiritual needs (reaching her hands across the table meeting her husbands to share an obviously staged happy glance.)
Father: Well I guess if you were looking for a good circus show on Sunday nights, thenI take it you got what you were looking for; Those bible thumpers and their shouting, altar calls, salvation parties, seems to me the Baptist Church is creating more hate than they are following Jesus’ word.
Jeanne: (taking offense) what did you call me?
Tom: now Jeanne, calm down
Father: (never backing down in the face of an argument) I believe the term I used was (taking his time making sure he over annunciates) BIBLE THUMPER.
Jeanne: how dare you?! You, you…Mary Worshipper
Father: (offended biting back) proselytizing freak.
(The argument has picked up pace and aggression, the family now watches the cross table argument as if at a tennis match.)
Jeanne: anti-birth control slut!
Father: (turning away towards Grandma, Grandpa seems to be enjoying this whole exchange) My word, I have never been so insulted in my entire…
Jeanne: (cutting in) your word indeed, it is always your word, your interpretation. Do me a favor and tell me how hell treats you!?
Father: (turning back quickly screaming at the top of his lungs) REPENT AND THOU SHALL BE SAVED YOU SPAWN OF SATAN!!!
(awkward silence, the family looks on with open mouths, food falling from forks, Jeanne seems ready for round two, as does father, silence)
Grandma: (breaking, nervously as if to save what dignity she has left) well I’ll get the dessert wine. (Gets up quickly towards counter to retrieve wine)
Jeanne: Oh yes mother, just like Catholics, wanting to quench their thirst with
AL-CO-HAL!!!!
Grandma: (Jeanne’s remark was the last straw, turning quickly teeth clenched, and quietly) Jeanne, if you don’t sit you butt down, I will beat it so hard you’ll never want to sit again.
(Jeanne sits)
I don’t know--- that is the gist of it I guess, thanks so much for reading, lemme know what you thought
So the past two weeks I was working with this play, and this past weekend we performed twice for anyone who wished to come. The play was a Freeworks which is an FSU commissioned show that students submit scripts that they would like to have a chance to perform and well the one I happened to be in was actually written by an FSU student. In my honest opinion it was the most pitiful disgusting display of theatre I have ever been a part of. The script relied an incredible amount on shock value, and didn’t really have much going for it, and the acting wasn’t much to scream about. So anyways, I figured that shouldn’t be so hard, I am going to attempt to write my own script, and maybe I will submit it next semester to do as a Freeworks. So here it is, the beginnings of my script. It is really choppy and I would say at about 25% now, but I think I have something going here. Please please please, if you have the time read it, tell me what you think. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. Maybe you could even come be in it or something.
Scene one:
Josh’s family is all sitting around the table getting ready for dinner, genuine happiness and exchanges between them. It is around the holidays… grandpa reaches for a turkey leg and grandma consequently slaps his hand away, buzz lowers and the family gathers around and calls for someone to say grace.
Grandma: (rather forcefully to Grandpa) dear.
Grandpa: (grandpa apparently doesn’t want to give the blessing but after a stare from Grandma starts in unwillingly…) dear lord we thank you for this food and all you have brought us, we ask this holiday season to keep all the children safe, may Tiffany do well in her ballet recital, in her play, and in her further schooling… (scoffing) and may Joshua find his way back in state for his further schooling.
Anne (Josh’s mother): because lord knows his parents can’t afford it.
Family: AMEN
(the family sits down to eat, passing bowls, commotion starts up as Joshua turns around facing the audience, noise of family lowers but movement does not)
Josh: Sometimes I just wonder if it were better that I had no dreams- That I had no fire in my belly. I mean you think about it, if you don’t want anything better than what you get, then you won’t ever be upset with anything that comes your way. Humbleness is a virtue, and well, it is a little late for me I guess. My head is full of so many impossible dreams, and as you can imagine, having a lot of dreams makes failure pretty easy to come by… I’m away at college now. I finished high school with a nothing-to-gawk-about 3.86, I am male middle class and white, and all of the above don’t really have scholarship committees throwing money at my feet. But despite, against my parent’s wishes, I took the trip to an out of state school. No one can ever put into words the feeling of actually going to college. High schoolers walk around totally oblivious to the shock that awaits them when they realize their mothers aren’t there anymore to do their laundry… (giving a coy smile, embarrassed laugh) well, I um still take mine home to my mother, … whatever, the fact is I can’t even put the shock of going to college into words now. It is like when you start to really enjoy life, the high school comfort rug is ripped right out from under your feet and hopefully if you are lucky enough maybe you’ll fall into the top ten percentile of your class and actually go to a college you want… for the rest, well, most of their dreams are killed before they can even catch their breath. (turns back around, noise raises)
Tiffany: (magna excitement) Grandpa! Did you know that Florida used to be covered with water??? And a whole lot of the United States too Paw Paw.
Josh: (mockingly, under his breath) Grandpa did you know that Florida used to be blah blah blah blah. (scoffing) That’s my cousin Tiffany; child prodigy, carbon copy of her mother Jeanne, and to my family a biting reminder of my wasted potential.
Tom: (excitedly) and tell him what you learned about the amoeba Tiff!
Josh: That’s my Uncle Tom. He likes to flaunt what he teaches Tiffany at school, yeah she’s a home-schooled child, yes indeed the perfect little robot.
Tiffany: The Amoeba eats through its skin paw paw! That’s called osmosis. It is so totally awesome, but grandpa, my favorite is the PARAMECIUM!
Josh: needless to say, she doesn’t get out much. (Shifting attention back to family) Hey um Grandpa, I’m sorry I didn’t come to Church tonight, I was really busy.
Grandpa: (obviously upset) oh, well it isn’t me you have to apologize to, maybe you can fit your savior into your schedule next week.
John (Josh’s father): (looking to change the subject as he sees his son is suffering) so pop, I heard you didn’t like the new priest, Father Kelvin, he seems to have come in and turned the whole church upside down huh?
Grandpa: I’ll tell you John, that man needs to jump on the next boat back to Ireland. (passionately, quite out of character) I hate that man. (coming back to) He is pulling the church apart and he is taking me along with him. (a devious smile spreads) But I got him today.
Anne: (suspiciously) Daddy, what did you do?
Grandpa: well I went to confession today, and I heard that snakes voice behind the screen; and I… gave up a heart filled story about how much I hate the new father, as if I didn’t know it was him, I told him how that new guy was just a disgusting display of a church leader, and if I was of right age, I’d kick him out myself.
Jeanne: Daddy!? No you couldn’t have!
Grandpa: (proudly) I sure did. I received ten Hail Mary’s, and an Our Father for it, but man was it worth it. I mean how am I supposed to get my children back in the Church when men like that are put in charge.
Josh: (to audience) my aunt Jeanne left the church years ago when her and my uncle Tom got married. It tore my grandparents to pieces, and even to this day they still have hope that they will make their way back to Catholicism.
Grandma: (bursting at the seams) Well dear ummm… (quickly as if not to be understood) I invited him to dinner next week after mass.
Grandpa: (dry angered) you what?
Grandma: well sweetheart you see he um… the other day at church the ladies and I were talking and Father wandered over and he let it be know to us that won’t be going back to Ireland for the holidays, and well me missing the bizarre last week, I felt like I had some making up to do, so um (ashamed) I said he could come spend some time with us.
Grandpa: (throwing down his napkin as if too flustered to eat, grabbing for words) Bernadette I don’t know what in devil… how could you… son of a no good… that man is evil… inviting Satan himself to our Christmas dinner… pull the church apart, suuuuree, Hell, pull my family apart!
(commotion; all the while the family is getting up to help comfort Grandpa trying to sit him down)
Josh: (To audience) this should be interesting.
Some scenes later--- I don’t know
Family again is getting ready for a dinner
Josh: So I made it to Church this time and witnessed the commotion that is Father Kelvin by my own eyes. He commanded his church like a nazi would a classroom, and every person there felt like a mere third grader with enough pinned up anger at this man to kick-start a third world war. His homily focused on those twice a year Catholics; the ones that come on Easter and Christmas, as if twice a year would save their damned souls, and those of us who need to make time for mass each week. Apparently Grandma had a word or two with him about me not making it to Church and consequently every time he’d bring up the fires of hell that awaits those who can’t make it to mass, he’d give a good glare in my direction. (mockingly Irish) “Reform needs to come from within your heart,” he said. How ironic that he spoke of reform coming from within to bring unpracticing Catholics back to the church, when the single action of starting within and yanking him out would no doubt bring a good number of the people that left when he arrived right back in.
(this part I have to work, ultimately it will go something along these lines:
Father arrives is introduced, they begin to eat, the entire family is apparently feeling quite awkward, grandpa makes a few cutting remarks as they pass the dishes around…)
Father: Jeanne did you happen to make it to mass tonight? I don’t believe I saw you there.
Grandma: well father um Jeanne doesn’t exactly…
Jeanne: (cutting in) what my mother is trying to say is I left the Catholic Church years ago with my husband, we were looking for something a little more (holier than thou) spiritual. We found the Southern Baptist Church to suit all our spiritual needs (reaching her hands across the table meeting her husbands to share an obviously staged happy glance.)
Father: Well I guess if you were looking for a good circus show on Sunday nights, thenI take it you got what you were looking for; Those bible thumpers and their shouting, altar calls, salvation parties, seems to me the Baptist Church is creating more hate than they are following Jesus’ word.
Jeanne: (taking offense) what did you call me?
Tom: now Jeanne, calm down
Father: (never backing down in the face of an argument) I believe the term I used was (taking his time making sure he over annunciates) BIBLE THUMPER.
Jeanne: how dare you?! You, you…Mary Worshipper
Father: (offended biting back) proselytizing freak.
(The argument has picked up pace and aggression, the family now watches the cross table argument as if at a tennis match.)
Jeanne: anti-birth control slut!
Father: (turning away towards Grandma, Grandpa seems to be enjoying this whole exchange) My word, I have never been so insulted in my entire…
Jeanne: (cutting in) your word indeed, it is always your word, your interpretation. Do me a favor and tell me how hell treats you!?
Father: (turning back quickly screaming at the top of his lungs) REPENT AND THOU SHALL BE SAVED YOU SPAWN OF SATAN!!!
(awkward silence, the family looks on with open mouths, food falling from forks, Jeanne seems ready for round two, as does father, silence)
Grandma: (breaking, nervously as if to save what dignity she has left) well I’ll get the dessert wine. (Gets up quickly towards counter to retrieve wine)
Jeanne: Oh yes mother, just like Catholics, wanting to quench their thirst with
AL-CO-HAL!!!!
Grandma: (Jeanne’s remark was the last straw, turning quickly teeth clenched, and quietly) Jeanne, if you don’t sit you butt down, I will beat it so hard you’ll never want to sit again.
(Jeanne sits)
I don’t know--- that is the gist of it I guess, thanks so much for reading, lemme know what you thought