for better or worse
I'm not sure I have a dream anymore. Maybe I'm supposed to meditate or concentrate or focus harder. Maybe I'm supposed to try harder. But it still doesn't seem right. Just writing this makes me so mad. I had plotted my escape from simplicity for months and months, days and days, hours and minutes and sanity sucking seconds and still, nothing. I know exactly why I feel so bad. I just don't know what to do about it. Mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad mad madm mad mad mad mad mad mad. Before I left I stayed with my dad in Chariton. A small town. Boring town. What I once called a town for retirement and drug addicts. But as I rode around the town, I did my best to take it all in. The peaceful neighborhoods, cozy houses, loving friends and family. I guess now it means a lot more to me. Now I wish I was there. With my dad. Watching t.v. Thinking about whats for dinner. Maybe simplicity isn't so bad. I guess I should try to give it more time out here but I don't feel like I want to. It hurts to say it but I do want to go home. I cant say I should have never done this, because I would have never realized what I was leaving behind.
I feel sick
I feel sick