lets start again.
Hi.
My name is Niamh. I've been writing here for a long long long time.
After my last entry in 2011 Aiden and I got back together. We had a whirlwind affair and it was absolutely lovely! Well it was absolutely lovely until it started to go weird. Aiden was really bad about accountability and would often just shut down/shut people out. I really loved him and our sex life was well... as per usual excellent so we kept trying. I thought that it would get better once we lived together. Over the following summer I lived in Toronto and went back to Belleville a lot to see him while CJ found a new place to live.
In January of that year I got four Burningman tickets. One of those would go to my mom and the other two would go to my Aunt and Natelie.
In September Aiden moved into the house with me in Toronto and then I headed off on a wonderful Journey with my family. Burningman has a way of dragging your heart out and leaving it exposed and Raw. The ride to the burn was weird but also lovely. At the end we were all quite fed up and wanted it to be over. The lineup to get into the burn was excruciating. Mom had to use the washroom and we couldn't manage to pause the car long enough for her to jump out.
I thought that we were going to turn around and go home but that didn't happen. Instead we had a wonderful time. There was something really special about biking around this gigantic playground with my family.
On one of the nights Natelie felt really crummy and stayed in bed so I went on a walk by myself. I passed out while listening to a group called Beats Antique. When I woke up I watched a couple of fire performers and casually chatted with this couple who were also watching. It turned out that they weren't a couple at all and I spent the night talking to this guy, G. We hung out for the next few days just talking and spilling our emotional guts. It was really refreshing to be around a guy who was just nice to me even though we weren't fucking.
We exchanged info before I headed back to Canada with a newly formed family. It was a really great experience.
Being at home was strange but I had a new respect for my relationship with Aiden. I had decided that I wanted to make it work with him. He was my best friend after all. The banter we had with eachother was just so natural and I loved him a lot.. A LOT a lot. Despite all of the bullshit we had gone through he was very important to me.
Things went along pretty well despite the fact that Aiden was clearly unhealthy. He was loosing weight and didn't have much to loose. He would leave yellow stains on sheets after one night of sweating while sleeping. I kept asking him to quit smoking for a while among other things.
At Christmas he went to his mothers house and I went to mine. He didn't speak much to me while I was gone and when I got home I felt really weird. This makes sense because upon fuddling around on my computer I found a conversation between him and a young woman he had been cheating on me with.
I guess the fact that he was my best friend just fucking pissed me off. I went to the hardware store and called him while buying new locks for the apartment. It was a pretty awful breakup. I'm pretty proud to be the woman who changed the locks.
"Who is *****S?"
"Oh, we should probably talk"
"yeah, well you've got about 15 minutes before the locks on the apartment have changed so if you want to talk I suggest now"
He showed up about an hour after that conversation. Tried to give me some bullshit about wanting to live with me till we were both in a better situation. I didn't agree to it.
I stayed in this little apartment for a while and started seeing someone else.... it was a bad decision? Iunno. it might have been. I gave charlie back to my mother and I moved to his house. He was going through quite a bit at the time as his mother had just died of cancer. His sister was a fucking nightmarish asshole and he was having to support her as well. It was exhausting to deal with them but by the time I realized I shouldn't fucking be with him it was too late.
Im not going to write much about that whole situation but he was abusive. Very abusive. He threatened to kill my entire family and everyone I loved. He tried to smash my hand with a hammer because I took money from our laundry change pile to do his laundry.
I got out and thats what matters.
Maybe someday ill write more about this but right now it just doesn't seem worth revisiting.
I got out at about 4am three nights before my birthday in 2014. Thank fuck I got out. I still didn't have anywhere to live so I turned my dads second kitchen into my room. I slept in a kitchen for roughly four months before I could move back into my fantastic little bachelor. In that time I planted a lot of vegetables. I spent a tonne of time with my little sister. The relationship that I had lost with my fathers parents was on the mend. I was making new friends and exploring the world in a way I hadn't in years.
It was a massive challenge to remember that I was worth anything. I got a job working as an admin assistant for a entertainment company and life was starting to get really fantastic.
My name is Niamh. I've been writing here for a long long long time.
After my last entry in 2011 Aiden and I got back together. We had a whirlwind affair and it was absolutely lovely! Well it was absolutely lovely until it started to go weird. Aiden was really bad about accountability and would often just shut down/shut people out. I really loved him and our sex life was well... as per usual excellent so we kept trying. I thought that it would get better once we lived together. Over the following summer I lived in Toronto and went back to Belleville a lot to see him while CJ found a new place to live.
In January of that year I got four Burningman tickets. One of those would go to my mom and the other two would go to my Aunt and Natelie.
In September Aiden moved into the house with me in Toronto and then I headed off on a wonderful Journey with my family. Burningman has a way of dragging your heart out and leaving it exposed and Raw. The ride to the burn was weird but also lovely. At the end we were all quite fed up and wanted it to be over. The lineup to get into the burn was excruciating. Mom had to use the washroom and we couldn't manage to pause the car long enough for her to jump out.
I thought that we were going to turn around and go home but that didn't happen. Instead we had a wonderful time. There was something really special about biking around this gigantic playground with my family.
On one of the nights Natelie felt really crummy and stayed in bed so I went on a walk by myself. I passed out while listening to a group called Beats Antique. When I woke up I watched a couple of fire performers and casually chatted with this couple who were also watching. It turned out that they weren't a couple at all and I spent the night talking to this guy, G. We hung out for the next few days just talking and spilling our emotional guts. It was really refreshing to be around a guy who was just nice to me even though we weren't fucking.
We exchanged info before I headed back to Canada with a newly formed family. It was a really great experience.
Being at home was strange but I had a new respect for my relationship with Aiden. I had decided that I wanted to make it work with him. He was my best friend after all. The banter we had with eachother was just so natural and I loved him a lot.. A LOT a lot. Despite all of the bullshit we had gone through he was very important to me.
Things went along pretty well despite the fact that Aiden was clearly unhealthy. He was loosing weight and didn't have much to loose. He would leave yellow stains on sheets after one night of sweating while sleeping. I kept asking him to quit smoking for a while among other things.
At Christmas he went to his mothers house and I went to mine. He didn't speak much to me while I was gone and when I got home I felt really weird. This makes sense because upon fuddling around on my computer I found a conversation between him and a young woman he had been cheating on me with.
I guess the fact that he was my best friend just fucking pissed me off. I went to the hardware store and called him while buying new locks for the apartment. It was a pretty awful breakup. I'm pretty proud to be the woman who changed the locks.
"Who is *****S?"
"Oh, we should probably talk"
"yeah, well you've got about 15 minutes before the locks on the apartment have changed so if you want to talk I suggest now"
He showed up about an hour after that conversation. Tried to give me some bullshit about wanting to live with me till we were both in a better situation. I didn't agree to it.
I stayed in this little apartment for a while and started seeing someone else.... it was a bad decision? Iunno. it might have been. I gave charlie back to my mother and I moved to his house. He was going through quite a bit at the time as his mother had just died of cancer. His sister was a fucking nightmarish asshole and he was having to support her as well. It was exhausting to deal with them but by the time I realized I shouldn't fucking be with him it was too late.
Im not going to write much about that whole situation but he was abusive. Very abusive. He threatened to kill my entire family and everyone I loved. He tried to smash my hand with a hammer because I took money from our laundry change pile to do his laundry.
I got out and thats what matters.
Maybe someday ill write more about this but right now it just doesn't seem worth revisiting.
I got out at about 4am three nights before my birthday in 2014. Thank fuck I got out. I still didn't have anywhere to live so I turned my dads second kitchen into my room. I slept in a kitchen for roughly four months before I could move back into my fantastic little bachelor. In that time I planted a lot of vegetables. I spent a tonne of time with my little sister. The relationship that I had lost with my fathers parents was on the mend. I was making new friends and exploring the world in a way I hadn't in years.
It was a massive challenge to remember that I was worth anything. I got a job working as an admin assistant for a entertainment company and life was starting to get really fantastic.