its something i cant explain. easily. .
one minute everythings perfect and the next everythings fucked over. im not getting my way in life for the most part. sometimes im happy with the way things are going, but then again i take a look and its really not all that well. which sucks majorness. uhmm i wanna change some things. but it doesnt look like ill have my way with that either. i dont want a boyfriend anymore, i feel too held down. tomorrows three weeks. blehh. im a pain in the ass. i cant ever make up my mind or find the right one. its all gone down hill since..oh nevermind. but yeah. its not that hes a bad boyfriend im just tired of it. and now this senior thats at coral springs highschool is like inlove with me and my best friend obviously doesnt like how i get the attention from him and she doesnt. and i still have another factor in the neighborhood to deal with. while a diff ex boyfriend keeps trying to come back into the picture while play his other ex. what a great time huh. i swear though. when chris is around me he treats me like a princess and i feel like nothing can go wrong. but how does that sound for him, a senior dating a freshman. yeah. right. hah. okay. im loving how i keep going on about these stupid bullshit problems when i know theres others out there with the most horrible things going on in their lives. but hey i have a right to complain and tonite was the night for just that. yeahhh. my family isnt helping out with the situations im in. not that it seems to phase them in any way. but i constantly feel like i have to be perfect because my brother has been such a screw up lately. its really not fair but then again life isnt. my dads stress level keeps rising everyday with the way my brother is such a dumbass and my mom keeps trying to help him out of it. shes starting to get the point that he needs to learn things the hard way, but also she kinda wants to still be 'mommy'. my brother just doesnt get it. at all. and i want someone to honestly tell me straight to my face that their life is perfect. yeah right whatever. i want to talk to someone. honestly. talk. spill my heart out. tell them everything that i want and need. tell them whats wrong with me and why i am the way i am. cry. just cry. its what ive needed forever and i want it now. sure this whole huge paragraph is pretty fucked up but i dont care. think what you want of me. and if youll be the person that will talk with me. please.