(no subject)
i feel so so torn between everything.
i want a motorcycle and it might happen this weekend, but it involves me selling my guitar cabinet, and metaphorically, the musical part of my life. i might also sell my guitar amp to buy my dad a big screen tv for father's day... so there goes basically any chance of me being in a band for the rest of my life unless i choose to spend another 2000 dollars on equipment... and lately i've been wanting to do something with music again. chances are i'll never get extremely involved again, but i feel so empty looking at this part of my life being thrown away.
one part of me wants to hold onto everything forever... this guitar amp is gorgeous and i would have never even dreamed of owning it when i was a kid. i'll probably never have anything so special again. but honestly, i'll probably never put it to good use, so what's the point? to say i have it? nothing stays the same and nothing will ever be like it was before...
so the other part of me wants to be head strong, fuck it, everything will change, so i might as well get used to it. use this stuff to move on, don't look back. toughen myself up.
i don't even know who i am anymore. and i doubt i'll ever be as close to myself as i want, and i doubt i'll ever be as far away from myself as i want.
honestly life is going to fucking suck and i might as well off myself here, and i would if i weren't so much of a pussy. i can't see anything good coming out of it. and at this time in my life i really wish i had someone to hold me and listen to me cry about how everything's changing and i'm not ready for it, and i'll never be ready, and i'll never be a man. everything would be so much better if i had a nice girl to talk to all day long and laugh with. but that won't happen for a long time i'm guessing, so might as well toughen up, right? fuck everything, be a man, be strong, shit like that. i don't know shit is fucking stupid. might as well say fuck it all and buy a motorcycle.
i want a motorcycle and it might happen this weekend, but it involves me selling my guitar cabinet, and metaphorically, the musical part of my life. i might also sell my guitar amp to buy my dad a big screen tv for father's day... so there goes basically any chance of me being in a band for the rest of my life unless i choose to spend another 2000 dollars on equipment... and lately i've been wanting to do something with music again. chances are i'll never get extremely involved again, but i feel so empty looking at this part of my life being thrown away.
one part of me wants to hold onto everything forever... this guitar amp is gorgeous and i would have never even dreamed of owning it when i was a kid. i'll probably never have anything so special again. but honestly, i'll probably never put it to good use, so what's the point? to say i have it? nothing stays the same and nothing will ever be like it was before...
so the other part of me wants to be head strong, fuck it, everything will change, so i might as well get used to it. use this stuff to move on, don't look back. toughen myself up.
i don't even know who i am anymore. and i doubt i'll ever be as close to myself as i want, and i doubt i'll ever be as far away from myself as i want.
honestly life is going to fucking suck and i might as well off myself here, and i would if i weren't so much of a pussy. i can't see anything good coming out of it. and at this time in my life i really wish i had someone to hold me and listen to me cry about how everything's changing and i'm not ready for it, and i'll never be ready, and i'll never be a man. everything would be so much better if i had a nice girl to talk to all day long and laugh with. but that won't happen for a long time i'm guessing, so might as well toughen up, right? fuck everything, be a man, be strong, shit like that. i don't know shit is fucking stupid. might as well say fuck it all and buy a motorcycle.