mood swings
They're crazy right now. Last night I really let myself feel loved and today I feel angry and stupid. A lot of self loathing has been coming up as I look back on my life. I think this is all part of the cleansing process. It's all coming out. I cried two days ago and what came out shocked me. I said I just want a mommy and daddy. I'm questioning my sanity a little. With my parents adamant denial of any wrongdoing I wonder is my brain planting memories? Am I making it all up? Is all this pain concocted by a warped mind? I imagined today a scenario where my father was able to prove his innocence. I apologized and was able to just let everything go and just put it behind me. It was all so simple. I have had this underlying sense of dread for the last week or so. It's intermittent but always seems to come back. I can tell it has something to do with the progress I've made. It's almost a fear of everything going well. I need a theta session. Bills have to be paid first. Last month was super slow financially and also super expensive with all the family stuff. I got a new Chiro today and he did this crazy neck adjustment on me and my whole right side relaxed and both my knees popped. It sounded like a box of corn flakes getting smashed. Tomorrow I am going to start to retrain my brain some more. Accepting success, love, and progress.