One-shot: I can´t spar
Title: I can´t spar
Pairing: Ryoda
Rating: hard R for frottage
Summary: Written for my je_prompts table, prompt no. 23: Corner. Both Ueda and Ryo found themselves going back in time after singing on the same stage again after long time. (I don´t count countdowns :p)
No beta
Originally posted on: 07/07/2009
I´ve been setting aside time to clear a little space in my mind (Music and Lyrics OST)
Special guests
Swoosh
One big bouquet
Swoosh
Old times
Thump
Haruka
Thump
Ryo
Swoosh
On the same stage
Thump
„Ueda -kun! Concentrate!”
„Yes“
So close
Swoosh
On the same stage
Thud thud thud … thump
Ueda´s punch missed, and his coach let go of the punching bag a little faster than needed.
„Enough! Your mind is in some other place, you are not concentrating! “
“But ...”
“No, we are stopping here today. Go home and think over whatever you need to think over. Don´t come back until you solve the problem.”
“But …”
“No buts Ueda - kun, go!”
Ueda knew a lost case when he saw one, so he slowly took his boxing gloves off and headed for the showers.
Boxing always made him forget about anything and everything. Now how he was supposed to solve something like this? He had no idea what exactly was the problem and if he even wanted to address it if there was one.
He could not figure out what it meant - him having flashbacks of his junior years mixed with flash backs from his 8th dome concert, why it bothered him so. The only thing he knew was to name a common denominator of those flashbacks that kept bugging him, making it hard to concentrate.
Nishikido Ryo.
A man with quick mind, sharp tongue and impossible long fringe that had Ueda want to sweep it away from his eyes. Stupid fringe, he should have cut it already!
*
Full house
Click
Screaming fan girls
Click
Dark and bright lights
Click
Flowers and first times
“Nishikido-san, please smile some more. Also the camera´s here, please, your look is a bit empty.”
Haruka
Click
Same stage
Click
So distant
Click
So close
Click
Ueda Tatsuya
Click
“Ok, we better stop. It won´t get any better. I guess I will find some usable shots in there.” The photographer sounded a little angry, but Ryo had had enough for the day. He couldn´t force himself to smile a meaningful smile anymore.
He´s been pretty busy lately, and it was about to get super busy during this summer, so he was running on autopilot, not thinking too much about, well, anything. Anything other than that concert he went to with Kanjani8 band mates. It brought some older memories back, and they were all somehow intertwined, connected by one single person.
Ueda Tatsuya
A man with dreamy eyes, his own world and fair skin that made Ryo´s fingers eager to touch, wondering how exactly it would feel tingling at the contact. To hell with fair, he should have grown out of baby skin already. He is a man! Old one at that!
*
Ueda managed to push everything to the back of his conscious mind; he almost forgot those flashbacks. Therefore he went back to boxing. But surprisingly, there, where everything else faded, the past long forgotten and the past fresh on his mind mingled again, coming back to haunt him.
“Ueda-kun, I can see you are trying, but boxing won´t solve everything. I think that whatever it is you are facing right now, you have to clear it and make a clean cut. Until then, I won´t let you spar. You can come and practice, but you are not entitled to stand in a corner of a boxing ring as you are right now.” His coach was dead serious.
Ueda would have protested, but he knew better. He himself was aware of how his mind drifted on its own, and he wasn´t self destructive to stand in the ring like that. He also understood that his last encounter with Nishikido Ryo had brought out something that had been buried deep down and what he thought was long gone. But what exactly triggered the whole thing stayed a mystery. They saw each other time to time, so why had been the last one any different? He needed to think it over, but he might be in need of some help.
*
“I can´t memorize my lines,” Ryo finally admitted, and Pi was glad his friend finally decided to talk.
“You´ve been quite distracted during our photo shoots lately.”
“I can´t help it. My brain isn´t occupied enough during them, so my mind runs away, and I catch myself thinking about stupid things.”
“What stupid things?” Yamapi was surprised that Ryo actually seemed to know what the problem was; it was weird he hadn´t solved it yet. But Ryo didn´t answer, just glared.
“Ryo what´s eating you away?”
“Just … just stupid things I have no time to think about.”
“I believe you should stop and consider your options. If you keep going like this, it will affect you a lot. You´ve got many things on your plate right now.”
Ryo knew his friend was right but even though he had tried before, he didn´t get anywhere. Being on the same stage with Ueda sent him down the time spiral, and he couldn´t come back up on his own. He needed help.
*
Ueda´s phone rang at the worst moment possible. On top of that, it was a number he didn´t know, and he had every intention of not picking it up. But maybe if he did, it would save him from a disaster he was getting himself into by riding this elevator. It could prevent the awkward situation that would be inevitable if he actually got off at the right floor. So he picked up.
*
Dialing the number and pushing the call button was only possible because Ryo knew the only other option left was to meet him in person. And he might not be able to handle that. And so one cold shower and half an hour of staring at his phone later, Ryo could hear the ringing tone in his earphone.
“Hello.”
“Hello … I mean, this is Nishikido speaking.” There was silence on the other side, but Ryo was sure the man that answered the phone was Ueda.
Tatsuya looked confused from his phone to the corridor ahead of him.
“Ueda?” Ryo wasn´t going to back down now.
“Yes.” The man sounded confused. Of course he would.
“I got your number from Jin. I kind of need to discuss something with you.”
“Oh”
“Is now ok?”
“Yes, but … Do you want to do it over the phone?”
“Well, I didn´t think you would have time for a meeting. Besides, it´s kind of trivial.” That was a lie; Jin had said Ueda would definitely find some time to meet Ryo if he asked for it.
“Right, well I wanted to talk to you too, so …”
“Really, then you go first,” Ryo interrupted Ueda and was happy to avoid the matter for a little longer.
“Uhmm … ok, but …”
“No buts, mine can wait.”
Ueda was looking at the name tag by the door in front of which he was standing. He thought entering could wait as he pulled his fingers away from the doorbell and chose to squat against the opposite wall. He took a deep breath. He only prayed no one would find him sitting in the corridor of an apartment building where he didn´t live.
“Well, I don´t know how to start, and it is kind of weird, but I thought about it … are you sure you don´t want to go first?”
There was a short silence before Ryo answered.
“I am sure. I don´ t want to go first.”
“Ok then give me a sec,” Ueda held his phone between his ear and his shoulder and pulled out a bottle of beer he brought along. He needed a drink now. As he was trying to open it, he could hear breathing and some clanging on the phone. He figured Ryo was possibly getting his own beer from somewhere. He stared at the door in front of him.
“I can´t spar,” he said a little absent-mindedly.
“HUH!!!!???” Ryo said so loudly he startled Ueda who was still struggling with the bottle. As he jerked due to Ryo´s cry, his bottle slipped and fell to the tiled floor. Of course it broke and made awfully lot of noise.
Ryo heard a loud clanging. It sounded as if some glass had broken right outside of his door. Or was it on the phone? He left his beer on the counter and sprinted to the door, opening them swiftly.
All of a sudden Ueda Tatsuya was in front of him, squatting in the puddle of what looked like beer. Looking wide eyed at his door or rather at his legs now, not moving, frozen.
There was silence, and then his neighbor´s door started to open. Ryo acted on impulse. He reached for Ueda´s hand, pulled him inside, and he himself got out.
“Oh, no, sorry. I was a little clumsy with my shopping,” he bowed his head a little to the lady next door.
Ueda was standing where he had left him, still frozen, still wide-eyed.
“I will clean it at once.” Ryo got inside, passing Tatsuya in search of a mop and a broom to swipe the glass with.
“You stay here,” he muttered in Tatsuya´s ear. It wasn´t really necessary; the man seemed to be in a shock and not capable of taking even a little step.
Ryo cleaned the mess with Ueda staring. He discovered few more beer bottles in a bag next to where the man had been squatting and took them inside. He closed the door and finally faced the man.
“How long have you been sitting there?”
“You called me when I was in the elevator.” Ueda´s eyes never left Ryo. He was still staring, and he was mildly surprised he had managed to answer.
“Stop looking at me.”
“Long time no see.”
“Not really I was at your concert, you know.”
“I know.”
Tatsuya had gotten into the shock and really scared after the bottle broke and when Ryo opened the door. When the black-haired man didn´t chase him away, when he didn´t even seem mad, he opted for letting his emotion take over him. He could only stare at the man in front of him.
Ryo not questioning why he was there robbed him of last remains of his common sense. He found himself grabbing the other by his collar, pulling him close, kissing him and pushing him into the door all at the same time.
Ryo gasped in surprise, and Tatsuya just took it as an invitation for his tongue to slip into other man´s mouth. He could feel him stiffen, not responding, but not pushing him away as Tatsuya continued to invade him, exploring, tasting, desperately seeking Ryo´s tongue, caressing it with his own.
Ryo´s arms fell limp next to his body as Ueda pushed himself closer, one knee slipping between Ryo´s legs. Only when Tatsuya bit his lip slightly, the black haired-man responded. A moment later, his tongue was battling with Ueda´s, his lips finally moving. He was desperate all of a sudden, making Tatsuya whimper, making him want more.
One of Ueda´s hands slipped into Ryo´s hair, pulling, stroking, playing with them. The other hand found its way between the door and Ryo´s body, looping around his waist at first. But as the kiss got deeper and more heated, as Tatsuya could taste Ryo on his tongue, feel his cologne, as his senses begged for more, that hand slowly fell to his ass, bringing them even closer as Ueda ground into Ryo just a little. Ryo was suddenly meeting him, his hips moving forward as his hands finally moved, finding Ueda´s broad back. He was pulling at the fabric there, and then slowly the palms travelled under it, hands now pushing into the skin so soft, so perfect, that the fingers found there.
It somehow brought Ueda back to reality. He pulled away reluctantly and only as far as his hands still on Ryo and Ryo´s hands still on his body let him.
“Ryo … I …“ His own voice sounded so different in his ears.
“Just … Ueda, later …. we´ll talk.” Ryo scrapped his fingernails across Ueda´s back, all the way down to the hem of his shirt, so slowly. Then he was pulling that T-shirt up, and he thrust forward the moment he took it off completely. Once it was gone, he inhaled sharply and bit Ueda´s lip, healing it with his tongue a moment later.
Ueda moaned, as he was now feeling the hardness in Ryo´s jeans brushing against the bulge in his own pants when he pressed back.
“You too,” he whispered, breaking the kiss and trailing sloppy kisses across Ryo´s cheek, finding his ear.
“I want to feel your bare skin against mine.”
Ryo hissed as Tatsuya was grinding his hips into him, his hands never leaving his hair or his ass. He was left to take his own shirt off while Ueda moved down his neck and towards his collarbones the moment they were exposed. Lips, tongue, teeth, all was there, as he was holding Ryo steady, thrusting with more strength and faster with every passing second.
Ryo´s shirt finally unbuttoned, Tatsuya yanked it, letting it fall down from Ryo´s shoulders. The shirt pooled around his elbows as Ryo refused to let go of his back again, nails clinging onto the flesh there, his hips meeting each and every one of Ueda´s thrusts. Their arousals were brushing against each other perfectly, pants being too tight, fabric only teasing their senses more.
Tatsuya looked at Ryo´s face. His eyes were half closed, but the look was there, full of need, almost swallowing Ueda, cheeks slightly flushed, his fringe all over his face. Ueda touched it and gently brushed it away. It was that action that sent chills down Ryo´s spine, that sweet gesture that made him moan. And so Ueda dived in for another kiss, wanting to feel more of Ryo, all of him, then and there. His hand caressed Ryo´s cheek, neck, chest, finding a nipple and twisting it just a little with another grind of his hips.
“Fuck, Tatsuya.” It was breathy and needy.
Ueda groaned hearing his name said with so much lust in Ryo´s voice. He was getting close. His whole body was hot, feeling Ryo´s muscles against his own, his arms around him, fingers dipping into his shoulder blades. He couldn´t do anything else but roll his hips again and again, faster, more.
“Ryo, I …”
“Shh … I know … just a little longer.”
Ryo met his next thrust with much more strength and let his head fall onto Tatsuya´s shoulder.
“Don´t stop now,” he breathed out.
Ueda´s right hand squeezed Ryo´s butt cheek, pushing his whole body towards him, helping him meet his hips, creating even more friction. It was getting hard to breathe. Tatsuya´s left hand was in Ryo´s hair again as he nibbled on his ear, trying to muffle his moans when he felt the tension in his stomach built up.
Every Ueda´s moan and the fact that he tried to hide them made Ryo shiver. His legs were giving away under him, so he clung to Ueda even more. He would not last much longer.
“Ryo … you … Ryo,” Ueda´s voice and a deep thrust finally sent Ryo over the edge. He came, shuddering and biting Ueda´s shoulder, not wanting to scream from the pleasure.
“Tatsuya … fuck.”
The bite and then Ryo´s voice as he came down from his high were the last push Tatsuya needed. He rolled against him one more time and came, not caring about getting his jeans wet and dirty. As long as this would last a little longer.
Ryo´s nails loosened on his back, his arms falling limp again. He inhaled deeply and was startled when Ueda suddenly fell down. He slid right after him as it was the other man´s weight that had been holding him up. Ueda´s breath was ragged, and he hid his head in his hands.
“Ueda,” Ryo didn´t really know what to say, and the copper-haired man wouldn´t look at him.
“Tatsuya,” he tried again, touching him and feeling hurt when the other man winced at the touch. But Ryo kept on softly holding his cheeks, fingers finally understanding how soft Ueda´s skin really was.
“This is not what I came for,” Ueda said, his voice broken, his eyes still hazy - beautiful - Ryo thought.
Ueda was puzzled. He came to talk, but it was him who started this all, and it was so embarrassing to come just grinding Ryo into the door. He didn´t even know he wanted Ryo that way. Or he just didn´t want to know.
Ryo was looking at him intently as if trying to read his mind. Finally he decided not to tease and just to go step by step.
“I have a proposition; let´s get cleaned up. My bathroom is yours to use. I´ll lend you some clothes, we´ll open that beer you brought and managed not to break and you´ll tell me why you were sitting in front of my door talking to me over the phone. You will sit in one corner of the room, and I will sit in the other one and we will take it slow this time around.”
Not waiting for an answer, Ryo stood up despite his legs still being a little weak and helped the other to his feet as well. He picked up his shirt, handed it to Ueda and led him in the general direction of his bathroom.
“Use whatever you need; there are clean towels on the rack, and I´ll bring something for you to wear.”
Ueda managed to nod and went inside the bathroom, his head hanging low. He wanted to run away from here, to hide somewhere and somehow to forget everything because he felt like things would never be the same if he stayed. But he didn´t have that option. It was him who came here. It was him who jumped Ryo first thing without even saying a proper hello. He had to stay if the other asked him to.
Ryo didn´t get it, one moment Ueda was attacking him, pushing him into the door, being so erotic it was unbearable, then next thing he was confused, shy and looked like a little lost puppy. Cute one though.
When he came back with clothes, Ueda was in the shower. Did he really have to take one? Did he really need to wash all of Ryo´s touches away so fast? For the second time, Ryo felt down about something so trivial. Because his skin still tingled remembering Ueda´s lips, tongue, teeth and his fingers, so gentle, yet so wanton, so right. Ryo inhaled. He realized that he got his answer already, and he wondered if Jin had knoww something when he insisted on Ryo meeting Ueda rather than calling him. And why Ueda was here was still a mystery. He got his address from Jin; so much he guessed.
The shower stopped, so he knocked on the door slowly, cracking it open and throwing some underwear and sweatpants on the floor. He closed the door and went to make some coffee.
Ueda didn´t want to take shower, he wanted to dress quickly and get this over with. But his head was spinning, and he figured the water might help. Even when it was pouring down on him, he could still feel Ryo´s arm around him, his nails on his skin. It won´t be that easy to forget, he realized. And suddenly, as if his mind finally gave up hiding the truth from him, he was back in his young punk self´s body. Ryo was standing in front of him, facing him with determination in his face, and he knew this had happened in the past.
“I don´t hate you Ueda.”
“I know.”
“No, you don´t know. I don´t hate yo;, it´s all just because I have to.”
“I know. I am sorry for being weak and reacting anyway.”
“It´s ok as long as you remember that we play for the same team. I don´t hate you, and as long as we stand on the same stage, we will be alright. We will be together not against each other. As long as we are on the same stage.”
Ueda turned the water off and saw Ryo´s hand dropping him some clothes.
As long as we are on the same stage.
Was that the clue he was looking for? And why was Ryo so insistent back then? And why did he forget? Did their friendship dissolve, and did it get lost because they were separated, not on the same stage anymore, each having their own troubles and struggles? Why did Ueda lose sight of Ryo in the past? He got out, and Ryo slipped into the bathroom, muttering something about coffee and comfort.
When Ryo came out, he couldn´t find Ueda anywhere. He got scared that he had left, but he found his shoes now neatly by the door. He went back to the apartment and searched. He found him in his bedroom, in his little personal Eden as he called the place where one wall was meeting another and he had one of those low sack chairs there. There were books, music sheets and all kind of stuff around, and he loved to just spend his time there, looking into the room or outside the window. There was a guitar nearby, and it was his instrument that Ueda was examining now.
He was curled up, his hands hugging his knees, looking so small and young. Despite his hair now being copper and his face split in a smile so often recently, in that moment, more than ever, he reminded Ryo the old Ueda from his flashbacks. His heart was beating fast, and he wanted to come closer. Remembering his promise, he went to fetch two cups of coffee, and after placing one next to Ueda, he went and sat with his back against the door, on the other side of the room.
“So…” It was hard to start talking now. ”Will you tell me now? Why you came?”
“I didn´t come…”
“I know,” Ryo interrupted, „ . . . but I want to know why you came, not why you didn´t. Although I must say it´s kind of a pity that´s not what you wanted because it was hot.”
Ueda blushed, and Ryo was afraid he might never speak to him again.
“What about you? Why did you call?”
“I thought we agreed on you telling first.”
“We did not,” Ueda was stubborn.
“Well, I have already gotten my answers, and I will tell you what I found out if you finally tell me what was so important that you came here personally.”
“I can´t spar,” Ueda said again.
“Ueda, seriously …”
“I am being serious. My coach won´t let me until I solve whatever problem I have, but I have no idea what my problem is. Only that I keep seeing you, us in the past ever since that concert. And I can´t concentrate.”
It was Ryo´s turn to stare now.
Ueda went back to his curled up position, and Ryo wanted to just touch him, hug him, punch him into the shoulder playfully, anything to make him safer, more secure.
“Me too,” was all he could say though.
“Me too what?” Ueda asked, confusion in his eyes.
Looking into those eyes, Ryo remembered days when they used to be blue most of the time and how he would steal one of Ueda´s contacts and Ueda would have chased him, promising to torture him until he gave it back. He couldn´t help it, he laughed.
“Are you laughing at me?” Ueda sounded hurt now.
“No, no at you, at us, at our past.”
“Our past?”
“We had some fun together, didn´t we?”
“We did?”
“Don´t you remember?”
“I think my mind decided to shut you out, to put some parts of my past on hold. But it was all there, somewhere in some dark, far away corner of my mind,” Ueda was saying it as he was realizing himself.
“You make me sound as a villain that needed to be forgotten.” Ryo was offended. Why would Ueda want to squeeze him out?
“And now when I finally am able to deal with things, somehow my mind decided to do a major cleanup, and you are my last unresolved issue.”
“You sound like a shrink. So, how come I have been the same way? Ever since that concert, I keep thinking how we were back then and how we are now. Are you my last unresolved issue as well? I don´t think so.”
Ueda looked at him, his eyes shining now as if he discovered old treasure box.
“You are the same?” He asked slowly.
“I told you, but I got my answer already.”
“As long as we stand on the same stage, we will be alright,” Ueda whispered it like some kind of a mantra.
“What is that?”
“You said that.”
“I did?” Of course Ryo remembered.
“You did. We were on the same stage after such a long time in the dome.”
“We were.”
“You said you would tell me what you came up with.”
“I did?” It was one thing to know and other thing to tell, and Ryo wasn´t really sure he could do it just yet.
“Don´t play dumb!”
“What did that our little hot show in my hall mean?” Ryo retorted, suddenly feeling alone because Ueda didn´t seem to remember their good times back then.”
“I don´t know.”
“Don´t lie, you want me,” Ryo´s look was almost dangerous now. There was something in his expression that made Ueda shiver a little.
“I don´t want you.”
“So why was it? Did you just need to jerk off and I was there?” Ryo knew he was acting like a girl.
“No.”
“You know, maybe we should do it again, so you will make up your mind about me.”
“Are you expecting me to say I love you or something just because …” Ueda trailed off.
“Just because what? Say it, Tatsuya. Just because you held me, kissed me, met me, and didn´t let go until you couldn´t take it anymore. When was the last time you felt so fucking good?”
Ueda got up. He was not going to listen to this, to this … truth. But Ryo was blocking the door.
“Why should I tell you when you´re not telling me?”
“Go out with me,” Ryo blurted out.
“What ?“ Ueda had no idea how the other man´s brain worked, how he could just ask him out in the middle of this conversation. There was no logic to it.
“Let´s go on a date. A walk in a park, a dinner, a movie, all is fine with me. I would prefer the movie. I could touch you there. You are not very loud, so I could drive you crazy, make you feel good again.” Ryo was not making sense even to himself, but he needed Ueda to stay, to somehow realize what was going on.
“Don´t be ridiculous.”
“Or you could just come over again. You´ll bring the drinks, I´ll cook the food and we will have all the privacy we need. I hear kitchen sex is great.”
“Stop it! Why do you think I want to do something like that?“ Tatsuya pointed to the door that could not be seen from where he was standing.
“Well you obviously enjoyed it, but you also obviously don´t love me. But I want to go on a date with you, so offering some pleasure in exchange should be fine.” Ryo´s eyes were glowing, and Ueda didn´t understand anything anymore.
“Ryo … d..”
“Don´t Ryo me like that if you don´t mean it!" Was that hurt in Ryo´s voice?
“I don´t understand.”
“I thought I stopped loving you. You ran away from me after they asked us to fight. You wouldn´t look me in the eye. I just couldn´t take it. No matter what I did, you ran away. You obviously don´t even remember anymore. And so I forgot too; I dated some, I loved some and I thought I am happy now, the way I am. I can be on my own and I will be with someone only when I want to. And then you come walking back into my life, and you fucking jump me, and then you want to run away again.” It was out. His feelings from the past that all came back to him these past few weeks, the words he never said, the regret he always had about something that had never even started.
“I am not running away,” Ueda was just answering automatically, being defensive as in the old times.
“You would if I let you.”
“Try me,” Ueda said. He was still processing what Ryo said, but he suddenly saw those words from back then in a different light. He suddenly remembered the butterflies in his stomach that he had felt when Ryo told him back then. But the truth was he had run away in the past.
They were staring at each other, and Ryo stood up. He moved away from the door.
“I can´t force you to stay forever. Your clothes are in the washing machine. I will bring them to work tomorrow, and you can just keep the clothes I gave you.”
Ueda didn´t move.
“How hot exactly was what we did?” He asked suddenly. “I mean you seem so eager to make it happen again.”
Ryo shot him a glare, the old “if looks could kill” look.
“I never got off just because someone rubbed against me before. And I want to touch you again.”
Ueda got close and ran his hand down Ryo´s chest just lightly, pulling away quickly.
“Fucking tease,” Ryo breathed out.
“This suits you much better than some heated love confessions,” Ueda laughed. Looking Ryo straight in the eyes, wanting to touch him again, suddenly he knew this might just be where he wanted to be. On the same stage with Ryo. For them life was one big stage anyway. Not that he was going to tell him that. They were in the middle of the staring contest.
“You scared the soul out of me with that “corners of my mind” shit,” Ryo suddenly snapped at him.
Ueda laughed. “But it´s true, you were always somewhere …”
And suddenly Ryo was pulling him close and kissing him, lips and tongue right from the start, completely taking Ueda´ s breath away. Then his kisses turned gentle, light, lips soft as a feather, and Ryo´s arms flung around Ueda. Tatsuya´s hand was around his neck, and then they were just embracing each other, not kissing, just holding.
“Or you could just spent the night and take your clothes yourself tomorrow. You´d save me loads of trouble,” Ryo said as he pulled Ueda closer. He felt Ueda smiling into his hair.
“Right, because that is why you want me to stay.”
END
Pairing: Ryoda
Rating: hard R for frottage
Summary: Written for my je_prompts table, prompt no. 23: Corner. Both Ueda and Ryo found themselves going back in time after singing on the same stage again after long time. (I don´t count countdowns :p)
No beta
Originally posted on: 07/07/2009
I´ve been setting aside time to clear a little space in my mind (Music and Lyrics OST)
Special guests
Swoosh
One big bouquet
Swoosh
Old times
Thump
Haruka
Thump
Ryo
Swoosh
On the same stage
Thump
„Ueda -kun! Concentrate!”
„Yes“
So close
Swoosh
On the same stage
Thud thud thud … thump
Ueda´s punch missed, and his coach let go of the punching bag a little faster than needed.
„Enough! Your mind is in some other place, you are not concentrating! “
“But ...”
“No, we are stopping here today. Go home and think over whatever you need to think over. Don´t come back until you solve the problem.”
“But …”
“No buts Ueda - kun, go!”
Ueda knew a lost case when he saw one, so he slowly took his boxing gloves off and headed for the showers.
Boxing always made him forget about anything and everything. Now how he was supposed to solve something like this? He had no idea what exactly was the problem and if he even wanted to address it if there was one.
He could not figure out what it meant - him having flashbacks of his junior years mixed with flash backs from his 8th dome concert, why it bothered him so. The only thing he knew was to name a common denominator of those flashbacks that kept bugging him, making it hard to concentrate.
Nishikido Ryo.
A man with quick mind, sharp tongue and impossible long fringe that had Ueda want to sweep it away from his eyes. Stupid fringe, he should have cut it already!
*
Full house
Click
Screaming fan girls
Click
Dark and bright lights
Click
Flowers and first times
“Nishikido-san, please smile some more. Also the camera´s here, please, your look is a bit empty.”
Haruka
Click
Same stage
Click
So distant
Click
So close
Click
Ueda Tatsuya
Click
“Ok, we better stop. It won´t get any better. I guess I will find some usable shots in there.” The photographer sounded a little angry, but Ryo had had enough for the day. He couldn´t force himself to smile a meaningful smile anymore.
He´s been pretty busy lately, and it was about to get super busy during this summer, so he was running on autopilot, not thinking too much about, well, anything. Anything other than that concert he went to with Kanjani8 band mates. It brought some older memories back, and they were all somehow intertwined, connected by one single person.
Ueda Tatsuya
A man with dreamy eyes, his own world and fair skin that made Ryo´s fingers eager to touch, wondering how exactly it would feel tingling at the contact. To hell with fair, he should have grown out of baby skin already. He is a man! Old one at that!
*
Ueda managed to push everything to the back of his conscious mind; he almost forgot those flashbacks. Therefore he went back to boxing. But surprisingly, there, where everything else faded, the past long forgotten and the past fresh on his mind mingled again, coming back to haunt him.
“Ueda-kun, I can see you are trying, but boxing won´t solve everything. I think that whatever it is you are facing right now, you have to clear it and make a clean cut. Until then, I won´t let you spar. You can come and practice, but you are not entitled to stand in a corner of a boxing ring as you are right now.” His coach was dead serious.
Ueda would have protested, but he knew better. He himself was aware of how his mind drifted on its own, and he wasn´t self destructive to stand in the ring like that. He also understood that his last encounter with Nishikido Ryo had brought out something that had been buried deep down and what he thought was long gone. But what exactly triggered the whole thing stayed a mystery. They saw each other time to time, so why had been the last one any different? He needed to think it over, but he might be in need of some help.
*
“I can´t memorize my lines,” Ryo finally admitted, and Pi was glad his friend finally decided to talk.
“You´ve been quite distracted during our photo shoots lately.”
“I can´t help it. My brain isn´t occupied enough during them, so my mind runs away, and I catch myself thinking about stupid things.”
“What stupid things?” Yamapi was surprised that Ryo actually seemed to know what the problem was; it was weird he hadn´t solved it yet. But Ryo didn´t answer, just glared.
“Ryo what´s eating you away?”
“Just … just stupid things I have no time to think about.”
“I believe you should stop and consider your options. If you keep going like this, it will affect you a lot. You´ve got many things on your plate right now.”
Ryo knew his friend was right but even though he had tried before, he didn´t get anywhere. Being on the same stage with Ueda sent him down the time spiral, and he couldn´t come back up on his own. He needed help.
*
Ueda´s phone rang at the worst moment possible. On top of that, it was a number he didn´t know, and he had every intention of not picking it up. But maybe if he did, it would save him from a disaster he was getting himself into by riding this elevator. It could prevent the awkward situation that would be inevitable if he actually got off at the right floor. So he picked up.
*
Dialing the number and pushing the call button was only possible because Ryo knew the only other option left was to meet him in person. And he might not be able to handle that. And so one cold shower and half an hour of staring at his phone later, Ryo could hear the ringing tone in his earphone.
“Hello.”
“Hello … I mean, this is Nishikido speaking.” There was silence on the other side, but Ryo was sure the man that answered the phone was Ueda.
Tatsuya looked confused from his phone to the corridor ahead of him.
“Ueda?” Ryo wasn´t going to back down now.
“Yes.” The man sounded confused. Of course he would.
“I got your number from Jin. I kind of need to discuss something with you.”
“Oh”
“Is now ok?”
“Yes, but … Do you want to do it over the phone?”
“Well, I didn´t think you would have time for a meeting. Besides, it´s kind of trivial.” That was a lie; Jin had said Ueda would definitely find some time to meet Ryo if he asked for it.
“Right, well I wanted to talk to you too, so …”
“Really, then you go first,” Ryo interrupted Ueda and was happy to avoid the matter for a little longer.
“Uhmm … ok, but …”
“No buts, mine can wait.”
Ueda was looking at the name tag by the door in front of which he was standing. He thought entering could wait as he pulled his fingers away from the doorbell and chose to squat against the opposite wall. He took a deep breath. He only prayed no one would find him sitting in the corridor of an apartment building where he didn´t live.
“Well, I don´t know how to start, and it is kind of weird, but I thought about it … are you sure you don´t want to go first?”
There was a short silence before Ryo answered.
“I am sure. I don´ t want to go first.”
“Ok then give me a sec,” Ueda held his phone between his ear and his shoulder and pulled out a bottle of beer he brought along. He needed a drink now. As he was trying to open it, he could hear breathing and some clanging on the phone. He figured Ryo was possibly getting his own beer from somewhere. He stared at the door in front of him.
“I can´t spar,” he said a little absent-mindedly.
“HUH!!!!???” Ryo said so loudly he startled Ueda who was still struggling with the bottle. As he jerked due to Ryo´s cry, his bottle slipped and fell to the tiled floor. Of course it broke and made awfully lot of noise.
Ryo heard a loud clanging. It sounded as if some glass had broken right outside of his door. Or was it on the phone? He left his beer on the counter and sprinted to the door, opening them swiftly.
All of a sudden Ueda Tatsuya was in front of him, squatting in the puddle of what looked like beer. Looking wide eyed at his door or rather at his legs now, not moving, frozen.
There was silence, and then his neighbor´s door started to open. Ryo acted on impulse. He reached for Ueda´s hand, pulled him inside, and he himself got out.
“Oh, no, sorry. I was a little clumsy with my shopping,” he bowed his head a little to the lady next door.
Ueda was standing where he had left him, still frozen, still wide-eyed.
“I will clean it at once.” Ryo got inside, passing Tatsuya in search of a mop and a broom to swipe the glass with.
“You stay here,” he muttered in Tatsuya´s ear. It wasn´t really necessary; the man seemed to be in a shock and not capable of taking even a little step.
Ryo cleaned the mess with Ueda staring. He discovered few more beer bottles in a bag next to where the man had been squatting and took them inside. He closed the door and finally faced the man.
“How long have you been sitting there?”
“You called me when I was in the elevator.” Ueda´s eyes never left Ryo. He was still staring, and he was mildly surprised he had managed to answer.
“Stop looking at me.”
“Long time no see.”
“Not really I was at your concert, you know.”
“I know.”
Tatsuya had gotten into the shock and really scared after the bottle broke and when Ryo opened the door. When the black-haired man didn´t chase him away, when he didn´t even seem mad, he opted for letting his emotion take over him. He could only stare at the man in front of him.
Ryo not questioning why he was there robbed him of last remains of his common sense. He found himself grabbing the other by his collar, pulling him close, kissing him and pushing him into the door all at the same time.
Ryo gasped in surprise, and Tatsuya just took it as an invitation for his tongue to slip into other man´s mouth. He could feel him stiffen, not responding, but not pushing him away as Tatsuya continued to invade him, exploring, tasting, desperately seeking Ryo´s tongue, caressing it with his own.
Ryo´s arms fell limp next to his body as Ueda pushed himself closer, one knee slipping between Ryo´s legs. Only when Tatsuya bit his lip slightly, the black haired-man responded. A moment later, his tongue was battling with Ueda´s, his lips finally moving. He was desperate all of a sudden, making Tatsuya whimper, making him want more.
One of Ueda´s hands slipped into Ryo´s hair, pulling, stroking, playing with them. The other hand found its way between the door and Ryo´s body, looping around his waist at first. But as the kiss got deeper and more heated, as Tatsuya could taste Ryo on his tongue, feel his cologne, as his senses begged for more, that hand slowly fell to his ass, bringing them even closer as Ueda ground into Ryo just a little. Ryo was suddenly meeting him, his hips moving forward as his hands finally moved, finding Ueda´s broad back. He was pulling at the fabric there, and then slowly the palms travelled under it, hands now pushing into the skin so soft, so perfect, that the fingers found there.
It somehow brought Ueda back to reality. He pulled away reluctantly and only as far as his hands still on Ryo and Ryo´s hands still on his body let him.
“Ryo … I …“ His own voice sounded so different in his ears.
“Just … Ueda, later …. we´ll talk.” Ryo scrapped his fingernails across Ueda´s back, all the way down to the hem of his shirt, so slowly. Then he was pulling that T-shirt up, and he thrust forward the moment he took it off completely. Once it was gone, he inhaled sharply and bit Ueda´s lip, healing it with his tongue a moment later.
Ueda moaned, as he was now feeling the hardness in Ryo´s jeans brushing against the bulge in his own pants when he pressed back.
“You too,” he whispered, breaking the kiss and trailing sloppy kisses across Ryo´s cheek, finding his ear.
“I want to feel your bare skin against mine.”
Ryo hissed as Tatsuya was grinding his hips into him, his hands never leaving his hair or his ass. He was left to take his own shirt off while Ueda moved down his neck and towards his collarbones the moment they were exposed. Lips, tongue, teeth, all was there, as he was holding Ryo steady, thrusting with more strength and faster with every passing second.
Ryo´s shirt finally unbuttoned, Tatsuya yanked it, letting it fall down from Ryo´s shoulders. The shirt pooled around his elbows as Ryo refused to let go of his back again, nails clinging onto the flesh there, his hips meeting each and every one of Ueda´s thrusts. Their arousals were brushing against each other perfectly, pants being too tight, fabric only teasing their senses more.
Tatsuya looked at Ryo´s face. His eyes were half closed, but the look was there, full of need, almost swallowing Ueda, cheeks slightly flushed, his fringe all over his face. Ueda touched it and gently brushed it away. It was that action that sent chills down Ryo´s spine, that sweet gesture that made him moan. And so Ueda dived in for another kiss, wanting to feel more of Ryo, all of him, then and there. His hand caressed Ryo´s cheek, neck, chest, finding a nipple and twisting it just a little with another grind of his hips.
“Fuck, Tatsuya.” It was breathy and needy.
Ueda groaned hearing his name said with so much lust in Ryo´s voice. He was getting close. His whole body was hot, feeling Ryo´s muscles against his own, his arms around him, fingers dipping into his shoulder blades. He couldn´t do anything else but roll his hips again and again, faster, more.
“Ryo, I …”
“Shh … I know … just a little longer.”
Ryo met his next thrust with much more strength and let his head fall onto Tatsuya´s shoulder.
“Don´t stop now,” he breathed out.
Ueda´s right hand squeezed Ryo´s butt cheek, pushing his whole body towards him, helping him meet his hips, creating even more friction. It was getting hard to breathe. Tatsuya´s left hand was in Ryo´s hair again as he nibbled on his ear, trying to muffle his moans when he felt the tension in his stomach built up.
Every Ueda´s moan and the fact that he tried to hide them made Ryo shiver. His legs were giving away under him, so he clung to Ueda even more. He would not last much longer.
“Ryo … you … Ryo,” Ueda´s voice and a deep thrust finally sent Ryo over the edge. He came, shuddering and biting Ueda´s shoulder, not wanting to scream from the pleasure.
“Tatsuya … fuck.”
The bite and then Ryo´s voice as he came down from his high were the last push Tatsuya needed. He rolled against him one more time and came, not caring about getting his jeans wet and dirty. As long as this would last a little longer.
Ryo´s nails loosened on his back, his arms falling limp again. He inhaled deeply and was startled when Ueda suddenly fell down. He slid right after him as it was the other man´s weight that had been holding him up. Ueda´s breath was ragged, and he hid his head in his hands.
“Ueda,” Ryo didn´t really know what to say, and the copper-haired man wouldn´t look at him.
“Tatsuya,” he tried again, touching him and feeling hurt when the other man winced at the touch. But Ryo kept on softly holding his cheeks, fingers finally understanding how soft Ueda´s skin really was.
“This is not what I came for,” Ueda said, his voice broken, his eyes still hazy - beautiful - Ryo thought.
Ueda was puzzled. He came to talk, but it was him who started this all, and it was so embarrassing to come just grinding Ryo into the door. He didn´t even know he wanted Ryo that way. Or he just didn´t want to know.
Ryo was looking at him intently as if trying to read his mind. Finally he decided not to tease and just to go step by step.
“I have a proposition; let´s get cleaned up. My bathroom is yours to use. I´ll lend you some clothes, we´ll open that beer you brought and managed not to break and you´ll tell me why you were sitting in front of my door talking to me over the phone. You will sit in one corner of the room, and I will sit in the other one and we will take it slow this time around.”
Not waiting for an answer, Ryo stood up despite his legs still being a little weak and helped the other to his feet as well. He picked up his shirt, handed it to Ueda and led him in the general direction of his bathroom.
“Use whatever you need; there are clean towels on the rack, and I´ll bring something for you to wear.”
Ueda managed to nod and went inside the bathroom, his head hanging low. He wanted to run away from here, to hide somewhere and somehow to forget everything because he felt like things would never be the same if he stayed. But he didn´t have that option. It was him who came here. It was him who jumped Ryo first thing without even saying a proper hello. He had to stay if the other asked him to.
Ryo didn´t get it, one moment Ueda was attacking him, pushing him into the door, being so erotic it was unbearable, then next thing he was confused, shy and looked like a little lost puppy. Cute one though.
When he came back with clothes, Ueda was in the shower. Did he really have to take one? Did he really need to wash all of Ryo´s touches away so fast? For the second time, Ryo felt down about something so trivial. Because his skin still tingled remembering Ueda´s lips, tongue, teeth and his fingers, so gentle, yet so wanton, so right. Ryo inhaled. He realized that he got his answer already, and he wondered if Jin had knoww something when he insisted on Ryo meeting Ueda rather than calling him. And why Ueda was here was still a mystery. He got his address from Jin; so much he guessed.
The shower stopped, so he knocked on the door slowly, cracking it open and throwing some underwear and sweatpants on the floor. He closed the door and went to make some coffee.
Ueda didn´t want to take shower, he wanted to dress quickly and get this over with. But his head was spinning, and he figured the water might help. Even when it was pouring down on him, he could still feel Ryo´s arm around him, his nails on his skin. It won´t be that easy to forget, he realized. And suddenly, as if his mind finally gave up hiding the truth from him, he was back in his young punk self´s body. Ryo was standing in front of him, facing him with determination in his face, and he knew this had happened in the past.
“I don´t hate you Ueda.”
“I know.”
“No, you don´t know. I don´t hate yo;, it´s all just because I have to.”
“I know. I am sorry for being weak and reacting anyway.”
“It´s ok as long as you remember that we play for the same team. I don´t hate you, and as long as we stand on the same stage, we will be alright. We will be together not against each other. As long as we are on the same stage.”
Ueda turned the water off and saw Ryo´s hand dropping him some clothes.
As long as we are on the same stage.
Was that the clue he was looking for? And why was Ryo so insistent back then? And why did he forget? Did their friendship dissolve, and did it get lost because they were separated, not on the same stage anymore, each having their own troubles and struggles? Why did Ueda lose sight of Ryo in the past? He got out, and Ryo slipped into the bathroom, muttering something about coffee and comfort.
When Ryo came out, he couldn´t find Ueda anywhere. He got scared that he had left, but he found his shoes now neatly by the door. He went back to the apartment and searched. He found him in his bedroom, in his little personal Eden as he called the place where one wall was meeting another and he had one of those low sack chairs there. There were books, music sheets and all kind of stuff around, and he loved to just spend his time there, looking into the room or outside the window. There was a guitar nearby, and it was his instrument that Ueda was examining now.
He was curled up, his hands hugging his knees, looking so small and young. Despite his hair now being copper and his face split in a smile so often recently, in that moment, more than ever, he reminded Ryo the old Ueda from his flashbacks. His heart was beating fast, and he wanted to come closer. Remembering his promise, he went to fetch two cups of coffee, and after placing one next to Ueda, he went and sat with his back against the door, on the other side of the room.
“So…” It was hard to start talking now. ”Will you tell me now? Why you came?”
“I didn´t come…”
“I know,” Ryo interrupted, „ . . . but I want to know why you came, not why you didn´t. Although I must say it´s kind of a pity that´s not what you wanted because it was hot.”
Ueda blushed, and Ryo was afraid he might never speak to him again.
“What about you? Why did you call?”
“I thought we agreed on you telling first.”
“We did not,” Ueda was stubborn.
“Well, I have already gotten my answers, and I will tell you what I found out if you finally tell me what was so important that you came here personally.”
“I can´t spar,” Ueda said again.
“Ueda, seriously …”
“I am being serious. My coach won´t let me until I solve whatever problem I have, but I have no idea what my problem is. Only that I keep seeing you, us in the past ever since that concert. And I can´t concentrate.”
It was Ryo´s turn to stare now.
Ueda went back to his curled up position, and Ryo wanted to just touch him, hug him, punch him into the shoulder playfully, anything to make him safer, more secure.
“Me too,” was all he could say though.
“Me too what?” Ueda asked, confusion in his eyes.
Looking into those eyes, Ryo remembered days when they used to be blue most of the time and how he would steal one of Ueda´s contacts and Ueda would have chased him, promising to torture him until he gave it back. He couldn´t help it, he laughed.
“Are you laughing at me?” Ueda sounded hurt now.
“No, no at you, at us, at our past.”
“Our past?”
“We had some fun together, didn´t we?”
“We did?”
“Don´t you remember?”
“I think my mind decided to shut you out, to put some parts of my past on hold. But it was all there, somewhere in some dark, far away corner of my mind,” Ueda was saying it as he was realizing himself.
“You make me sound as a villain that needed to be forgotten.” Ryo was offended. Why would Ueda want to squeeze him out?
“And now when I finally am able to deal with things, somehow my mind decided to do a major cleanup, and you are my last unresolved issue.”
“You sound like a shrink. So, how come I have been the same way? Ever since that concert, I keep thinking how we were back then and how we are now. Are you my last unresolved issue as well? I don´t think so.”
Ueda looked at him, his eyes shining now as if he discovered old treasure box.
“You are the same?” He asked slowly.
“I told you, but I got my answer already.”
“As long as we stand on the same stage, we will be alright,” Ueda whispered it like some kind of a mantra.
“What is that?”
“You said that.”
“I did?” Of course Ryo remembered.
“You did. We were on the same stage after such a long time in the dome.”
“We were.”
“You said you would tell me what you came up with.”
“I did?” It was one thing to know and other thing to tell, and Ryo wasn´t really sure he could do it just yet.
“Don´t play dumb!”
“What did that our little hot show in my hall mean?” Ryo retorted, suddenly feeling alone because Ueda didn´t seem to remember their good times back then.”
“I don´t know.”
“Don´t lie, you want me,” Ryo´s look was almost dangerous now. There was something in his expression that made Ueda shiver a little.
“I don´t want you.”
“So why was it? Did you just need to jerk off and I was there?” Ryo knew he was acting like a girl.
“No.”
“You know, maybe we should do it again, so you will make up your mind about me.”
“Are you expecting me to say I love you or something just because …” Ueda trailed off.
“Just because what? Say it, Tatsuya. Just because you held me, kissed me, met me, and didn´t let go until you couldn´t take it anymore. When was the last time you felt so fucking good?”
Ueda got up. He was not going to listen to this, to this … truth. But Ryo was blocking the door.
“Why should I tell you when you´re not telling me?”
“Go out with me,” Ryo blurted out.
“What ?“ Ueda had no idea how the other man´s brain worked, how he could just ask him out in the middle of this conversation. There was no logic to it.
“Let´s go on a date. A walk in a park, a dinner, a movie, all is fine with me. I would prefer the movie. I could touch you there. You are not very loud, so I could drive you crazy, make you feel good again.” Ryo was not making sense even to himself, but he needed Ueda to stay, to somehow realize what was going on.
“Don´t be ridiculous.”
“Or you could just come over again. You´ll bring the drinks, I´ll cook the food and we will have all the privacy we need. I hear kitchen sex is great.”
“Stop it! Why do you think I want to do something like that?“ Tatsuya pointed to the door that could not be seen from where he was standing.
“Well you obviously enjoyed it, but you also obviously don´t love me. But I want to go on a date with you, so offering some pleasure in exchange should be fine.” Ryo´s eyes were glowing, and Ueda didn´t understand anything anymore.
“Ryo … d..”
“Don´t Ryo me like that if you don´t mean it!" Was that hurt in Ryo´s voice?
“I don´t understand.”
“I thought I stopped loving you. You ran away from me after they asked us to fight. You wouldn´t look me in the eye. I just couldn´t take it. No matter what I did, you ran away. You obviously don´t even remember anymore. And so I forgot too; I dated some, I loved some and I thought I am happy now, the way I am. I can be on my own and I will be with someone only when I want to. And then you come walking back into my life, and you fucking jump me, and then you want to run away again.” It was out. His feelings from the past that all came back to him these past few weeks, the words he never said, the regret he always had about something that had never even started.
“I am not running away,” Ueda was just answering automatically, being defensive as in the old times.
“You would if I let you.”
“Try me,” Ueda said. He was still processing what Ryo said, but he suddenly saw those words from back then in a different light. He suddenly remembered the butterflies in his stomach that he had felt when Ryo told him back then. But the truth was he had run away in the past.
They were staring at each other, and Ryo stood up. He moved away from the door.
“I can´t force you to stay forever. Your clothes are in the washing machine. I will bring them to work tomorrow, and you can just keep the clothes I gave you.”
Ueda didn´t move.
“How hot exactly was what we did?” He asked suddenly. “I mean you seem so eager to make it happen again.”
Ryo shot him a glare, the old “if looks could kill” look.
“I never got off just because someone rubbed against me before. And I want to touch you again.”
Ueda got close and ran his hand down Ryo´s chest just lightly, pulling away quickly.
“Fucking tease,” Ryo breathed out.
“This suits you much better than some heated love confessions,” Ueda laughed. Looking Ryo straight in the eyes, wanting to touch him again, suddenly he knew this might just be where he wanted to be. On the same stage with Ryo. For them life was one big stage anyway. Not that he was going to tell him that. They were in the middle of the staring contest.
“You scared the soul out of me with that “corners of my mind” shit,” Ryo suddenly snapped at him.
Ueda laughed. “But it´s true, you were always somewhere …”
And suddenly Ryo was pulling him close and kissing him, lips and tongue right from the start, completely taking Ueda´ s breath away. Then his kisses turned gentle, light, lips soft as a feather, and Ryo´s arms flung around Ueda. Tatsuya´s hand was around his neck, and then they were just embracing each other, not kissing, just holding.
“Or you could just spent the night and take your clothes yourself tomorrow. You´d save me loads of trouble,” Ryo said as he pulled Ueda closer. He felt Ueda smiling into his hair.
“Right, because that is why you want me to stay.”
END