I'm An Asshole
Those of you who have known me for longer than four years should remember times when I was meek and timid. When I just went with the flow of whatever was happening and didn't voice any opinion. When all I wanted to do was just make people happy.
And think of me now. I might've grown a pair of testicles. I'm not quite so shy, I might make demands once in awhile, and I might just tell you what the fuck to do. But how does this make me a bad person?
When I was younger and growing up, all I wanted to do was to make people happy. I always went with whatever plan would inconvenience everyone the least, even if it meant putting my own well-being or best interests in the backseat. So long as everyone was happy and I wasn't stepping on toes, so be it. I was quiet because I was unsure of what to talk about. What do others want to talk about? Is this alright? God, I'm a horrible listener and do not really notice the small things. I'm socially inept. Crap.
Now? All I talk about is me. Me me me me me me. Ever since I graduated college - something that I thought I'd never do - and got a job-job that allows me to live downtown in a rennovated building, I feel like I've been slightly empowered. Fuck everyone else, it's my turn, dammit. Maybe some of my mindless drivel will inject some conjectures or insight from others in the group. I want others to know how well I'm doing despite coming from a one-parent, food-stamp home (if you know of any one that uses this as an excuse, fuck 'em).
But in honesty, I think that I talk more about myself simply because I have more confidence in me and my actions. I'm still socially and conversationally awkward: I'm never sure how to start a proper or casual conversation nor how to keep it going. So instead of me just being quiet, I tell about things that I am comfortable and familiar with: my interests, my future happenings, what I heard about lately on Slashdot, what I just bought and so forth.
So if I ever get carried away, please tell me so that I know to correct myself. But be fore-warned that I will let you know when your ass gets out of line yourself.
And think of me now. I might've grown a pair of testicles. I'm not quite so shy, I might make demands once in awhile, and I might just tell you what the fuck to do. But how does this make me a bad person?
When I was younger and growing up, all I wanted to do was to make people happy. I always went with whatever plan would inconvenience everyone the least, even if it meant putting my own well-being or best interests in the backseat. So long as everyone was happy and I wasn't stepping on toes, so be it. I was quiet because I was unsure of what to talk about. What do others want to talk about? Is this alright? God, I'm a horrible listener and do not really notice the small things. I'm socially inept. Crap.
Now? All I talk about is me. Me me me me me me. Ever since I graduated college - something that I thought I'd never do - and got a job-job that allows me to live downtown in a rennovated building, I feel like I've been slightly empowered. Fuck everyone else, it's my turn, dammit. Maybe some of my mindless drivel will inject some conjectures or insight from others in the group. I want others to know how well I'm doing despite coming from a one-parent, food-stamp home (if you know of any one that uses this as an excuse, fuck 'em).
But in honesty, I think that I talk more about myself simply because I have more confidence in me and my actions. I'm still socially and conversationally awkward: I'm never sure how to start a proper or casual conversation nor how to keep it going. So instead of me just being quiet, I tell about things that I am comfortable and familiar with: my interests, my future happenings, what I heard about lately on Slashdot, what I just bought and so forth.
So if I ever get carried away, please tell me so that I know to correct myself. But be fore-warned that I will let you know when your ass gets out of line yourself.