(no subject)
The relationship between my mom and I has reached yet another breaking point and it has come down to the fact that one of us is going to swallow our pride and forget being stubborn for one second and think about why we love each other, aside from the whole "obligation" that comes with being a mother or a daughter, and forget about all the things that we do that makes eachother seethe.
But too bad we are both too stubborn to surrender to doing something like that.
She makes me want to pull my hair out and I make her not want to live anymore, apparently. We spend so much time kicking eachother into the ground and causing even more emotional bruising instead of trying to rebuild and strengthen our relationship.
She and I spent time yelling at eachother back and forth in the car and eventually my yelling turned into crying, and this was all set off with a comment that she made that offended me more than she could ever have said in the past to hurt me. It made me want to explode. What made me burn up even more was the fact that I knew it gave her some kind of self-satisfaction, based on her cold and triumphant comment that followed shortly after.
After our yelling tirade, the rest of the ride to school was tense and quiet. Her cell rings, she picks up the phone, it's a friend from church. Automatically her "I'm doing great! (but really, I'm not)" voice comes on, and she's fine momentarily. Meanwhile, I'm sulking and my hurt has turned into anger and I'm kicking myself for exposing myself like that and letting her know that such a thing would hurt me so much. But I'm not really thinking too hard about anything in particular, other than that my eye makeup is probably smudged.
Anyway, I am doing pretty well. I'm in the library, printing stuff for class and acting like nothing is wrong.
You know how when you are in a public place and you scan faces to see what people are thinking, what they did, what they saw, with whom they interacted with beforehand. I bet that no one can tell from my face that I was in an intense argument with my mother not more than an hour ago, aside from the fact that my face was just a little crumpled up. I like to think that I can easily disguise my feelings even though I can be an emotional hurricane. At least I believe I can, although some people might object.
Also, I have a nectarine. Yum.
(This emotional presentation has been brought to you in part by PMS).
But too bad we are both too stubborn to surrender to doing something like that.
She makes me want to pull my hair out and I make her not want to live anymore, apparently. We spend so much time kicking eachother into the ground and causing even more emotional bruising instead of trying to rebuild and strengthen our relationship.
She and I spent time yelling at eachother back and forth in the car and eventually my yelling turned into crying, and this was all set off with a comment that she made that offended me more than she could ever have said in the past to hurt me. It made me want to explode. What made me burn up even more was the fact that I knew it gave her some kind of self-satisfaction, based on her cold and triumphant comment that followed shortly after.
After our yelling tirade, the rest of the ride to school was tense and quiet. Her cell rings, she picks up the phone, it's a friend from church. Automatically her "I'm doing great! (but really, I'm not)" voice comes on, and she's fine momentarily. Meanwhile, I'm sulking and my hurt has turned into anger and I'm kicking myself for exposing myself like that and letting her know that such a thing would hurt me so much. But I'm not really thinking too hard about anything in particular, other than that my eye makeup is probably smudged.
Anyway, I am doing pretty well. I'm in the library, printing stuff for class and acting like nothing is wrong.
You know how when you are in a public place and you scan faces to see what people are thinking, what they did, what they saw, with whom they interacted with beforehand. I bet that no one can tell from my face that I was in an intense argument with my mother not more than an hour ago, aside from the fact that my face was just a little crumpled up. I like to think that I can easily disguise my feelings even though I can be an emotional hurricane. At least I believe I can, although some people might object.
Also, I have a nectarine. Yum.
(This emotional presentation has been brought to you in part by PMS).