Wonders of the heart...
Since Vayne came to see me yesterday, I've been feeling calmer. That feeling of wrongness has gone away almost completely. I worried a bit when we had to make sleeping arrangements and I was afraid that Vayne would go home to his own room-- I was afraid somehow that the feeling would come back, although I don't know why, because I think I've fallen completely under his spell. At least, I have for the moment-- maybe it gets weaker when he's not around, or maybe it's not that at all.
Maybe everyone is right, and Vayne's existence really isn't the thing I find so wrong, since I feel better right now, and thus apparently it doesn't correlate to his awakening to his powers. But maybe it's just that I've been addled by his magical energy. Addled in my brain and in my heart and everywhere. I don't feel the wrongness right now, so it's hard to say where it's coming from. I don't feel the danger or the fear. If I'm numb to it, then how can I know whether it's true or right?
What I do feel is this incredible pull towards Vayne on a level that I have experienced only a few times in my life. Maybe it's a Mana thing, because one of those is back when I pacted with my own Mana... there was an experience I had with Theofratus... some of my very first syntheses... and, looking at the Philosopher's Stone. I don't know what to make of any of that. Being uncertain of the answers, I don't want to be the one to have to give them.
Maybe everyone is right, and Vayne's existence really isn't the thing I find so wrong, since I feel better right now, and thus apparently it doesn't correlate to his awakening to his powers. But maybe it's just that I've been addled by his magical energy. Addled in my brain and in my heart and everywhere. I don't feel the wrongness right now, so it's hard to say where it's coming from. I don't feel the danger or the fear. If I'm numb to it, then how can I know whether it's true or right?
What I do feel is this incredible pull towards Vayne on a level that I have experienced only a few times in my life. Maybe it's a Mana thing, because one of those is back when I pacted with my own Mana... there was an experience I had with Theofratus... some of my very first syntheses... and, looking at the Philosopher's Stone. I don't know what to make of any of that. Being uncertain of the answers, I don't want to be the one to have to give them.