I will not go gentle into that good night.

[pillarofruin]

I know you all have good reason to hate me now. I won't expect sympathy.

But if all I can do is voice my concern, then I'm going to do that at least. Something seems very, very wrong, and it has to do with Vayne. It's only worse now than ever. Before, I feared that he might become a threat-- I knew it with mortal certainty-- but now, I know

Comments

[exceedinglife]

Sensei.... I know you're still in the infirmary-- or, I guess you are, anyway-- but have you even had a chance to read what we've all been saying on our journals? We don't hate you... none of us hate you.... Well, Roxis has been acting a bit antagonistic, but.... I do sympathise. I... don't think you were right, of course, but Vayne and I... we don't want any more hatred. Can't we just put everything behind us?

And Vayne's been saying there's something wrong too.... He doesn't know what it is, either.... He's not doing anything.... Shouldn't you two be working on a solution to this together?

[pillarofruin]

I think you are all, without realising it, making excuses. None of you wants to face the fact that Vayne is dangerous, the idea that he might have to be destroyed. I can understand why you'd feel that way, but think of what is at stake here.

That much power... He could do anything. All of the things that are so wrong you feel confident that they could never happen because the world works that way, he could still do. All it takes is a wish.

[exceedinglife]

He'd never wish for any of those sorts of things! His heart... it's so pure, he couldn't even think of it! He'd never be bad! He doesn't want anything but to make people happy, he doesn't have a thought or a desire that doesn't start with "I want to make things better"! He just doesn't! Can't you see that?

That night, when we held the graduation party, we were all drinking firewater, and we could all see.... We could all see that he was just pure light. There wasn't a stain on his soul. It's not a case of not facing facts, it's a case of what's staring us in the face!

[pillarofruin]

But he probably wishes that you would think that... Not that I'm saying he would on purpose, but what if he can't help wishing it would be that way? I'm sure that if he was sufficiently afraid of disappearing or being forsaken by his friends, he would wish that you thought it was a good idea that he stay. Not because he wanted to deceive on purpose, but just because he didn't want you to leave him.

[exceedinglife]

I don't think he cares about stuff like what we think, not so much that he'd wish.... When Roxis still hated him, he really wanted him to not hate him, but he never wished for it, or Roxis wouldn't have hated him so long.... He never changed him.... Roxis just saw who he was, because of the firewater. He's not all selfish like that, he's never been selfish, not in the three years I've known him... not even a little bit. And I think if someone is going to think those thoughts inside, they have to show through, even a little bit, if you know them for so long....

[pillarofruin]

He's only come into his power recently, so he couldn't have wished Roxis to change until Roxis actually did change... And he's more desperate near graduation...

None of the rest of you ever hated him, so he had no reason to think those sorts of thoughts, or show them, until now, when he's faced with erasure.

[exceedinglife]

But people will be selfish, if they're going to be selfish. Even if we never hated him... he had lots to be upset about, and he never acted that way....

*sigh* Why does it have to be like this? He can't be evil, he just can't be, and I'm not deluded! I'll go drink a bucket of firewater if you want to make sure I'm seeing clearly! He's a Mana.... Mana can't be evil.... You know that, as much as any alchemist!

[justicewearsred]

Firewater... hmm, if we could get 'em in the same room together, we could make 'em both drink firewater and look at each other....

[exceedinglife]

That'd sure be nice....

[justicewearsred]

Worked for Roxis. Hehehe.