(no subject)
sometimes i surprise myself with how much i've changed in the last little while. perhaps "changed" isn't the right word. "grown" is probably more appropriate. i don't feel anyone ever changes. we are who we are, and the changes we see in ourselves and others aren't actually change, but evolution. as we grow older we learn more about ourselves and how to deal with the thoughts, emotions, and impulses that drive us in our younger years. events don't change us, but rather bring out (or bury) elements of our selves that are either necessary or obsolete.
i've phased out a good number of what i consider to be my negative behaviours. i've learned to harness the gut instincts that i've let rule my being for so many years. most importantly, i've lost the fear of myself that held me back from accomplishing the things in my life i've wanted to. fear is such a powerful, senseless emotion -- one that is easily ended with understanding and personal insight. unfortunately, the concept of picking apart oneself from the inside out is a daunting task. we always fear what we don't know, and so many of us know nothing of ourselves.
as a result, i feel i've outgrown this journal. you can still find me on iam.bmezine.com, for those of you who have access. for everyone else, sorry. track me down in real life if you want to know what's going on. novel idea, eh?