Not saying anything new.
I feel like they try to give you an absurd quantity of hope and ambition as you grow up. By 'they' I mean all involved in the collective effort of raising a person to adult hood. That whole thing, it takes a village to raise a child, blahblah blah and all that crap. That's 'they'. I never really fell for it. I was always rather pessimistic. All through high school and then College Act 1 and then through the years of manual labor and working with the bottom feeders I knew that basically whatver you're born into, you're destined to go out as.
Then in college "part deux" I began to get a little glimmer of hope. You work, you make progress. Grades go up when you study hard. You get a girlfriend. Credits pile up. You check off requirements. You take care of your body. You gather of a good group of (hopefully) lifelong friends. You have time. You work but have fun. You interview for jobs and people want you. Life is good.
Then the flowers wither and die. The storm clouds come in and darken the sky. Swarms of cuddly animals retreat in waves. After I was poked and prodded and literally gave blood, urine and hair to get this job I had thought was going to be amazing, I was shoved into a grey box to pound out spreadsheets with no meaning. I turned and coughed with some stranger's hands on my nuts for that job to do literally nothing. The glimmer of hope was replaced quickly with the sad realization that people will tolerate pretty much anything so long as you're paying them a consistent salary with medical, dental, 401k etc. Behind every lifeless vacuous stare in the place was a car payment or a mortgage. There was some disgusting need to be there.
I was reminded of the life lived at college not by phone calls from good friends, but from a bill. A big fat bill which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for this pesky thing called rent. I didn't really live like a high roller, I just had a decent place to come back to. I could live comfortably if I wanted to merely live. No going out. No social life. No experiences. Just a very austere existence of putting food on the table and paying bills. If i was going to be nobody, I'd at least need to be afford a hobby.
So like the other members of my "boomerang generation" I returned home to be sheltered under the wing of my mother. I've got a new respect for my mother's work ethic. Being out there on your own is rough. But then again, the relative price of things is not what it was back then. The world's changed too much to compare the two time periods. I cringe when I hear baby boomers say 'When I was your age'. That's a whole other conversation.
This little ounce of freedom is important to me now. Behind the mouthbreathers at EB was something tying them to a debt they owe. Its kind of getting back to the whole Fight Club mantra I used to worship like it was gospel. If you hate your job, don't do it anymore. I've got a job I enjoy now. I'm annihilating debt with an iron fist so that should my job turn to shit, I can leave it. That whole thing about having 8 months savings in case of emergencies, up the ante and make it a full year, call it the fuck my boss fund.
I piss and moan and complain but I know how bad things really could be for me. I have a job. I'm able to make my payments. I have little living expenses. I have heat. I have food. I'm not getting shot at. Life isn't that bad. Its just not worth looking forward to.
Then in college "part deux" I began to get a little glimmer of hope. You work, you make progress. Grades go up when you study hard. You get a girlfriend. Credits pile up. You check off requirements. You take care of your body. You gather of a good group of (hopefully) lifelong friends. You have time. You work but have fun. You interview for jobs and people want you. Life is good.
Then the flowers wither and die. The storm clouds come in and darken the sky. Swarms of cuddly animals retreat in waves. After I was poked and prodded and literally gave blood, urine and hair to get this job I had thought was going to be amazing, I was shoved into a grey box to pound out spreadsheets with no meaning. I turned and coughed with some stranger's hands on my nuts for that job to do literally nothing. The glimmer of hope was replaced quickly with the sad realization that people will tolerate pretty much anything so long as you're paying them a consistent salary with medical, dental, 401k etc. Behind every lifeless vacuous stare in the place was a car payment or a mortgage. There was some disgusting need to be there.
I was reminded of the life lived at college not by phone calls from good friends, but from a bill. A big fat bill which wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for this pesky thing called rent. I didn't really live like a high roller, I just had a decent place to come back to. I could live comfortably if I wanted to merely live. No going out. No social life. No experiences. Just a very austere existence of putting food on the table and paying bills. If i was going to be nobody, I'd at least need to be afford a hobby.
So like the other members of my "boomerang generation" I returned home to be sheltered under the wing of my mother. I've got a new respect for my mother's work ethic. Being out there on your own is rough. But then again, the relative price of things is not what it was back then. The world's changed too much to compare the two time periods. I cringe when I hear baby boomers say 'When I was your age'. That's a whole other conversation.
This little ounce of freedom is important to me now. Behind the mouthbreathers at EB was something tying them to a debt they owe. Its kind of getting back to the whole Fight Club mantra I used to worship like it was gospel. If you hate your job, don't do it anymore. I've got a job I enjoy now. I'm annihilating debt with an iron fist so that should my job turn to shit, I can leave it. That whole thing about having 8 months savings in case of emergencies, up the ante and make it a full year, call it the fuck my boss fund.
I piss and moan and complain but I know how bad things really could be for me. I have a job. I'm able to make my payments. I have little living expenses. I have heat. I have food. I'm not getting shot at. Life isn't that bad. Its just not worth looking forward to.