Let's all give our love to poor Shane who's been fuck-free 4 months and is desperate. :P
Everyone's been taking everything wrong lately by gods... I feel like I did in sept-oct, and that's not where I want to be. I hated that month, it was so hard for me. I just hope I dont' have to re-live anything like that again, although I know it will happen. Wait it won't, it'll be worse.
"High school is the best time of your life" Oh really?...peachy. Please note the extreme sarcasm when I say: My won't this be fun! hm....
It's funny how I complain about complaining. I went from one extreme to the other. From a bottled-up anti-social to a complete putz. I'm still a bit anti-social, but I like to be alone, or in a small crowd, good old days. Where you had your tight little group and if anyone messed with them someone would get hurt. Lots of fights but because I was pudgy they would be afraid I'd sit on them literally. So that sucked but I could run then for a pudgy kid, oh yeah. Kill any bastard, I didn't need to crush them with my weight, but rather my fists. I need to go balistic...wow what a word, heh. I just need to distroy something, rip it apart, breakdown, go insane, something! Maybe I should commit a serious crime...I'm 16 but I can pass for a more mature woman physically and mentally, so I could get sent to Canadian prison. I'm not quite sure what the female prison is like, but I know the male prisons you have I belive 50 days to put in your cell anything you want (mind you they check), and then lock you away. You can have a small job, 3 square meals, you can bring your games and whatnot, anything. The only violence is a few fights and the guy beat up homosexuals. Which isn't right but yeah...You can't control much outside of your little circle no matter how hard you try. I'm told that female prisons are worse, but with that scenario I'm trying to figure out how "bad" is bad. What am I talking about...I'm rambling for nothing. Don't mind my train of thought. And THAT you can take however you want, I don't care anymore. I'm almost finished with people.
Heh, there I go complaining again. But honestly what should I write about that's going well in my life... no one's been in the hospital for a while, except my aunt for breat cancer....
My school marks are slowly going up, in my math test my mark will be either 71% or 77% (25/35 or 27/35) The teacher shows us the answers after everyone's done the test. I'm pretty proud about that concidering the other class the average was 57% and the passing rate was about 53%. So a little tap on the back for that I suppose. Poor Jess though...she forgot her books and didn't study that much, found the test relatively easy and she thinks she failed pretty bad but wishes for a 60. I used to get better than everyone else and all this year I've been on the line, now I feel awful that I'm doing better than her. I know she tries.
Jeff's being an ass. I know he's pessimistic but I try and show him that he's not all that bad a person. He really has no reason to think that way about himself, in all this time that I've known him, well over a year, the only thing he did that royally pissed me off was when he cheated on Alex. I still talk to him though. I have no spine anymore. Anyway, about Jeff, actually I'll be rude and quote a section of our conversation. not like he cares anyway, he's too busy going for self pity and the "I don't care" approach.
"scorpion says:
What are you doing? What have you been up to?
(14 Days) says:
work, stressing out
(14 Days) says:
being me
scorpion says:
Dont' say it like that.
scorpion says:
What's stressing you out now? Just same old things?
(14 Days) says:
yep
scorpion says:
And during the time I've known you there was only one thing you did that ever pissed me off. You're not as horrible as you think.
(14 Days) says:
i am
scorpion says:
Okay, tell me what's so horrible about yourself then?
(14 Days) says:
sum it up in one word
(14 Days) says:
EVERYTHING
scorpion says:
ha, nice try but i'm not buying.,
(14 Days) says:
you don't have to but it is the truth
scorpion says:
Well I wouldn't believe that for a moment. You've been saying that since I've known you and you still haven't given me something to hold you to it.
(14 Days) says:
you don't have to but it is the truth
(14 Days) says:
i could
scorpion says:
*rolls eyes*
(14 Days) says:
i so could
scorpion says:
So you'd do on purpose?
scorpion says:
And If you do on purpose I won't believe it.
(14 Days) says:
i could make you believe
scorpion says:
Why are you being like this?
(14 Days) says:
safest thing to be
scorpion says:
hm
(14 Days) says:
:S
scorpion says:
Are you happy with your "safe" route?
(14 Days) says:
i'm never happy
scorpion says:
I've seen you happy.
(14 Days) says:
you've seen painted happy
scorpion says:
hm
(14 Days) says:
:S
scorpion says:
What do you expect me to say to that?
(14 Days) says:
i dunno
(14 Days) says:
and don't really care anymore
Wow Ain't he nice! Fuck. Why do I bother with people? Or rather why do I always find the ones who just make my life more difficult? But let's be optimistic, I know we'll probably never see each other again and after a while he will be sick of me or I of him and we'll both be relieved of a little stress. *sigh* my that felt good.
Back to good things! My health? Let's not go there, I'm alive so I would suppose a hurrah for that? Um... I lost 3 pounds! Somehow... I've been eating like a pig but I'm not complaining. Ask anyone I'm having cookies or some other dessert thing. Maybe I should make a diet book like that? ha, I wonder who'd buy it? I'll tell you who! Desperate obese people who look for an easy way out of thier own gravitational pull. (I didn't want to be mean but I'm in a weird mood so pfft to you. I have nothing against obese people.) What else is good? This is a hard game... I know a few people who care about me, that's always nice. I know a few who aren't talking behind my back or laughing at me and being rude.
Moi: I should lose a bit of weight...*rubs stomach*
Gina: Yeah... I'll just put it that way.(pause)You are pudgy Kelsey.
H'yeah, thanks doll. Love the support. Oh well, that's what I think, it's just how she said it that rubbed me the wrong way. I could say so many mean things sometimes I wonder why I'm so nice to people. Yes Gina I called you people! muahaha!
Fuck I'm going insane...so many things I want to say, I want to tell so many people off in particular ways with the things I know. Adn I can use stupid expressions and "large" words so half of them won't understand. heh.
Here's the plan for summer to treat myself:
1. try to get decent grades (70-90) in all classes.
2. study for exams and pass relatively well. (except science :S)
3. Go to J.P's prom (or Sid's I'm not sure)
4. New bathing suit and go for midnight swims to get in better shape
5. read
*6. relax and don't care about anything else in the world.
7. talk to very few friends
8. hopefully/ if get a job
9. Be over any ilnesses I may have
10. Go to Ottawa and party a little bit
11. if my summer is excellent maybe I'll just find a way to die so it can be said I died happy.
I don't even remember why I started this entry...hm. I might not write for a while. We'll see how events turn. Ra, no one online. I will sleep. Kinda nervous for the hospital though...I've been having a bad feeling for a while... bla, worrying myself over nothing.
Farewell.
"High school is the best time of your life" Oh really?...peachy. Please note the extreme sarcasm when I say: My won't this be fun! hm....
It's funny how I complain about complaining. I went from one extreme to the other. From a bottled-up anti-social to a complete putz. I'm still a bit anti-social, but I like to be alone, or in a small crowd, good old days. Where you had your tight little group and if anyone messed with them someone would get hurt. Lots of fights but because I was pudgy they would be afraid I'd sit on them literally. So that sucked but I could run then for a pudgy kid, oh yeah. Kill any bastard, I didn't need to crush them with my weight, but rather my fists. I need to go balistic...wow what a word, heh. I just need to distroy something, rip it apart, breakdown, go insane, something! Maybe I should commit a serious crime...I'm 16 but I can pass for a more mature woman physically and mentally, so I could get sent to Canadian prison. I'm not quite sure what the female prison is like, but I know the male prisons you have I belive 50 days to put in your cell anything you want (mind you they check), and then lock you away. You can have a small job, 3 square meals, you can bring your games and whatnot, anything. The only violence is a few fights and the guy beat up homosexuals. Which isn't right but yeah...You can't control much outside of your little circle no matter how hard you try. I'm told that female prisons are worse, but with that scenario I'm trying to figure out how "bad" is bad. What am I talking about...I'm rambling for nothing. Don't mind my train of thought. And THAT you can take however you want, I don't care anymore. I'm almost finished with people.
Heh, there I go complaining again. But honestly what should I write about that's going well in my life... no one's been in the hospital for a while, except my aunt for breat cancer....
My school marks are slowly going up, in my math test my mark will be either 71% or 77% (25/35 or 27/35) The teacher shows us the answers after everyone's done the test. I'm pretty proud about that concidering the other class the average was 57% and the passing rate was about 53%. So a little tap on the back for that I suppose. Poor Jess though...she forgot her books and didn't study that much, found the test relatively easy and she thinks she failed pretty bad but wishes for a 60. I used to get better than everyone else and all this year I've been on the line, now I feel awful that I'm doing better than her. I know she tries.
Jeff's being an ass. I know he's pessimistic but I try and show him that he's not all that bad a person. He really has no reason to think that way about himself, in all this time that I've known him, well over a year, the only thing he did that royally pissed me off was when he cheated on Alex. I still talk to him though. I have no spine anymore. Anyway, about Jeff, actually I'll be rude and quote a section of our conversation. not like he cares anyway, he's too busy going for self pity and the "I don't care" approach.
"scorpion says:
What are you doing? What have you been up to?
(14 Days) says:
work, stressing out
(14 Days) says:
being me
scorpion says:
Dont' say it like that.
scorpion says:
What's stressing you out now? Just same old things?
(14 Days) says:
yep
scorpion says:
And during the time I've known you there was only one thing you did that ever pissed me off. You're not as horrible as you think.
(14 Days) says:
i am
scorpion says:
Okay, tell me what's so horrible about yourself then?
(14 Days) says:
sum it up in one word
(14 Days) says:
EVERYTHING
scorpion says:
ha, nice try but i'm not buying.,
(14 Days) says:
you don't have to but it is the truth
scorpion says:
Well I wouldn't believe that for a moment. You've been saying that since I've known you and you still haven't given me something to hold you to it.
(14 Days) says:
you don't have to but it is the truth
(14 Days) says:
i could
scorpion says:
*rolls eyes*
(14 Days) says:
i so could
scorpion says:
So you'd do on purpose?
scorpion says:
And If you do on purpose I won't believe it.
(14 Days) says:
i could make you believe
scorpion says:
Why are you being like this?
(14 Days) says:
safest thing to be
scorpion says:
hm
(14 Days) says:
:S
scorpion says:
Are you happy with your "safe" route?
(14 Days) says:
i'm never happy
scorpion says:
I've seen you happy.
(14 Days) says:
you've seen painted happy
scorpion says:
hm
(14 Days) says:
:S
scorpion says:
What do you expect me to say to that?
(14 Days) says:
i dunno
(14 Days) says:
and don't really care anymore
Wow Ain't he nice! Fuck. Why do I bother with people? Or rather why do I always find the ones who just make my life more difficult? But let's be optimistic, I know we'll probably never see each other again and after a while he will be sick of me or I of him and we'll both be relieved of a little stress. *sigh* my that felt good.
Back to good things! My health? Let's not go there, I'm alive so I would suppose a hurrah for that? Um... I lost 3 pounds! Somehow... I've been eating like a pig but I'm not complaining. Ask anyone I'm having cookies or some other dessert thing. Maybe I should make a diet book like that? ha, I wonder who'd buy it? I'll tell you who! Desperate obese people who look for an easy way out of thier own gravitational pull. (I didn't want to be mean but I'm in a weird mood so pfft to you. I have nothing against obese people.) What else is good? This is a hard game... I know a few people who care about me, that's always nice. I know a few who aren't talking behind my back or laughing at me and being rude.
Moi: I should lose a bit of weight...*rubs stomach*
Gina: Yeah... I'll just put it that way.(pause)You are pudgy Kelsey.
H'yeah, thanks doll. Love the support. Oh well, that's what I think, it's just how she said it that rubbed me the wrong way. I could say so many mean things sometimes I wonder why I'm so nice to people. Yes Gina I called you people! muahaha!
Fuck I'm going insane...so many things I want to say, I want to tell so many people off in particular ways with the things I know. Adn I can use stupid expressions and "large" words so half of them won't understand. heh.
Here's the plan for summer to treat myself:
1. try to get decent grades (70-90) in all classes.
2. study for exams and pass relatively well. (except science :S)
3. Go to J.P's prom (or Sid's I'm not sure)
4. New bathing suit and go for midnight swims to get in better shape
5. read
*6. relax and don't care about anything else in the world.
7. talk to very few friends
8. hopefully/ if get a job
9. Be over any ilnesses I may have
10. Go to Ottawa and party a little bit
11. if my summer is excellent maybe I'll just find a way to die so it can be said I died happy.
I don't even remember why I started this entry...hm. I might not write for a while. We'll see how events turn. Ra, no one online. I will sleep. Kinda nervous for the hospital though...I've been having a bad feeling for a while... bla, worrying myself over nothing.
Farewell.